We only think "Without RDJ there is no Iron Man" because all we know is RDJ as Iron Man. If Cruise had taken the role, it would certainly be different, but are we sure it wouldn't have worked? I say we're not sure at all.
Now, would Cruise have stuck around for two direct sequels and three Avengers movies (Civil War being the third) so far, with more on the way? One of the strengths of the MCU so far has been its continuity. They cast every major role perfectly, and everyone's still on board . . unless you're pining for Terence Howard, which I am not. Tom Cruise is a genre unto himself, and being part of an ensemble isn't really his shtick. I say that as someone who likes most of his movies.
It'll be interesting to see where they go after the next two Avengers movies. At some point, we'll have to either accept or reject RDJ's replacement. Tough act to follow, for sure, but if they do it right we'll manage to move on.
If we can stick with James Bond through six actors, I have faith Iron Man will go on post-Robert Downey Jr.
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I have meddled with the primal forces of nature and I will atone.
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