MovieChat Forums > The Cat in the Hat (2003) Discussion > That sound you hear is Dr. Suess spinnin...

That sound you hear is Dr. Suess spinning in his grave.

posted 17 years ago by grandonsqr
17 replies | jump to latest

This may in fact be the worst movie ever made.

I actually had to watch this movie four times just to make sure I hated it as much as I thought I did. Cause I've done that thing where I see a movie, think to myself "man, that sucked", and then I see the movie again and think, "okay, it wasn't THAT bad."

The Cat in the Hat IS, without a doubt, THAT. BAD. I'm talking "Manos: Hands of Fate" bad. "Batman & Robin" bad. "Freddy got Fingered" bad. And each time I viewed it, just to make sure I was right to hate it, my soul died just a little bit more.

Seriously, you know how they say that drowning or, I don't know... being set on fire, those would be horrible ways to die, right? Yeah, they can't be that much worse than watching this movie.

Look, I'm no Dr. Suess puristfreakweirdo, but really, like, I respect what the man did with his life. And this was just a big ol' penis-slap in the face to him and everything he stood for. In addition to the movie just being plain old bad from start to finish, this level of disrespect to the source material adds a whole layer of badness on top of it all.

And the badness never ends. For instance, I never knew that Mike Myers could be THIS unfunny (or this incredibly inappropriate, considering the intended audience). And the Thing 1 and Thing 2... yeah, CREEPY.

And, by the by, why was Paris Hilton in this movie? I'd loooooove to meet the studio exec who was like, "Hey, let's have someone wholesome and family-friendly make a cameo in our Dr. Suess movie. What's that nice Hilton girl up to? What's that? She's available, but she'll only do it if we inexplicably have a club scene in the middle of our CHILDREN'S MOVIE? Great!"

All in all, this could be the worst thing I've ever seen in my life, ever, and I've watched hostage execution videos on the internet. This is arguably worse. Ever seen a baby (that ISN'T yours) being born, and all the fluid and blood is shooting everywhere and the pregnant mother poops on the hospital bed from pushing too hard? Again, The Cat in the Hat is worse. I almost encourage you to rent it, just so you can witness pure evil for yourself.

[–] negativeions101 13 years ago

oh my God. This is one of the greatest reviews of a movie ever. I thought I'd topped the insults. Hostage executions... classic.

[–] gcarras 13 years ago

But it is a very great intrepretation of a Dr.Seuss classic, and "The Cat in the Hat" [2003, Universal] will be the most wholesome and delightful FAMILY movie, the most G rated one since "Mary Poppins" [1964, Disney]-----maybe even MORE so than "Mary Poppins".

The best thing to do is let kids see Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning bounce up and down and show their underparts, and Kelley Preston doing the same thing, and
Michael Myers saying "Ho", hanging out with Paris Hilton, who would be even better at the babysitter than the old Asain they actually got, and I think that nothing is better than Michael Myers's hat getting erect at seeing a pic of Kelley Preston, in short meaning that this is the most WHOLESOME FILM EVER made.

Just kkidding. GOD. I agree with everyon. I DO like the actorsa a lot and THAT INCLUDES Mike Myers, whose voice and syle here is his groovy spy Austin Powers without the British Accent, but with the Charles Nelson Reilly snigger (just like his Shrek is another Austin Powers character, Fat Bastard). Sorry, MIke, and gang, this sucked.

[–] Max06 12 years ago

This movie makes Son of the Mask look like Citizen Kane.

[–] 12 years ago

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[–] GreyJug 10 years ago

gcarras, did you know that the author of Mary Poppins didn't like that either?