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100 things I learned from watching S.W.A.T.

posted 15 years ago by glennwatts2003
52 replies | jump to latest

OK, I'll start this one off:

1 - LAPD is sponsored by Dr Pepper

2 - You can get a knife through aiport security if you say it was a present from your Father

3 - If your car has a broken tail light (it always will if you are trying not to be noticed by the police) the police will always pull you over and demand to see your id

4 - If the SWAT team has screwed up recently, the obvious thing to do is put together a new elite SWAT team

5 - Elite SWAT teams should always contain 5 members - preferably including some who have history/bad blood, a good looking woman, a rapper who can't run properly and a traitor - oh, and also include the disgraced former SWAT team member whos screw up led to the creation of the elite team

6 - The best person to head up this team is a retired guy who you hate

7 - If you disagree with the choice of the team, back down immediately

8 - If your girlfriend is packing her bags to leave you - don't ask why, just kiss her on the forehead and do a training montage

9 - Baddies are always foreign

10 - The media will not only repeatedly show the bad guy offering to pay $100,000,000 to anyone who will free him, but also repeatedly confirm the fact that he is definitely good for the money

[–] valleychick310 13 years ago

LOL

[–] swtdelt 13 years ago

51. A case of crabs will do that to a woman
52. A straight flush will win in both Compton and orange county
53. You're either SWAT or you're not
54. Hauling another black man to jail perpetuates the cycle
55. You shouldn't trust a man that doesn't eat a real hot dog
56. There are a lot of people stupid enough to believe that a drug lord/murderer will honor his offer of $100 Million for his rescue rather than just kill you for free....

[–] go-yankees 13 years ago

## - Helicopters explode upon impact.

[–] BaronvonGoldrock 13 years ago

58. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing the right thing.
59. Hondo has officially felt Caption Fuller, but Fuller has not returned the favor.
60. Samuel L. Jackson knows EXACTLY where a sprinting perp will be three minutes from where he last had visual contact.

[–] transitfan 13 years ago

These are great!

61. The Wiltern Theater has apparently moved to 7th & Flower Sts in downtown L. A.

62. When a bunch of thugs with a high-value escaped prisoner commandeer a Red Line subway train, the train will always use the wrong track.

(granted, you'd only notice the last one if you are familiar with the Red Line, as I am)

[–] Jago_Instinct 13 years ago

63. If you join SWAT don't expect to earn $66000 even with overtime.
64. You're a loser if you earn less than $66000.
65. If you have a choice between escorting a criminal underground or escorting out in public then do both - police chiefs are ok with getting mercenaries out of the woodwork even if it means innocent officers get killed.
66. SWAT dont accept bribes in the form of a cheque.
67. Some French criminals will take your life if you take their money.
68. Mexican guys always have a spare rocket launcher lying around.
69. Criminals get together to watch the news channel.
70. Wounding a hostage to save their life will result in a million dollar lawsuit.

[–] pete36 13 years ago

71. White dudes (except the co-star) are all mean, stupid, untrustworthy, greedy, bad bosses,terrorists, etc... On the other hand all minorities are courageous, smart, deadhonest and love their family and children.

[–] lightning_lj 10 years ago

@ #70 Welcome to America. Where people make careers from lawsuits.

[–] kindofhere 12 years ago

72 (can't believe no one's mentioned this yet) - a SWAT team with one member who turns traitor before committing suicide, one member in ICU in critical condition, and one member with a wounded shoulder will not be sidelined post-crisis, will not have any review by IA, etc. No, they'll be told to complete their original task, and kept awake for another half-day to do it.

73 - the preferred way to transport an international fugitive out of LA when he might be broken out at any minute is by very obviously flying an LAPD helicopter up to the building where everyone knows he's being held pending transport, because attacking a helicopter is such an unreasonable possibility that LAPD has no reason to expect it.

74 - California state prisoners are allowed to watch news coverage of another prisoner being brought in.

[–] milanium86 12 years ago

75. You will get checked for weapons after you arrived with an airplane, not when you boarded it in.

76. A goodfella who is wanted by Interpol in 10 countries has no trouble taking a scheduled flight with a knife in his pocket.

77. It is a good idea to join a gun fight with your special unit that has not slept for 24 h because you are a macho team leader.

[–] SoulGirl04 12 years ago

78. Colin Farrell likes to use his body as an amusement park!!! Yea Baby to that one!!!

Patrick Wayne Swayze You Will Always Be Remembered Always & Forever Buddy 8/18/1952 – 9/14/2009

[–] MuttsCutts 12 years ago

79. It is ok for countless officers to be killed in order to protect an international fugitive wanted for murder and drug trafficking

[–] Dream_Demon 12 years ago

80. Having the back of your head shoved into a mirror by your now-ex-buddy during the breaking up of your friendship will result in the mirror being broken, but your head will be fine and dandy with no cuts nor wounds.

81. Apparently, some crooks put razors in their mouthes to slice up cops manhandling them; Chris Perez experienced this firsthand.

82. When you got your ex-buddy's hand pinned down with a knife and you take his gun, you throw away the gun rather than shoot him with it.

83. 6 months after you quit the police force in 6 months, you'll become a no-good greedy scumbag with murderous thugs for friends and have no qualms with killing people.

84. Being a vegetarian makes you untrustworthy to be a member of a S.W.A.T. team.

Welcome to my Nightmare- Freddy Krueger

[–] DeclanCochran 12 years ago

85. Casual misogyny is okay, aggressive and repeated misogyny is even more okay!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My blog, if you're interested; [email protected]

[–] Artdoag2 11 years ago

86. That Josh Charles played a corrupt scumbag cop 2 yrs later in Four Brothers and also got awsomely killed
87. that the dude had 100 pounds on me

[–] yusifg 11 years ago

88. Bad guy is still a bad guy even after correctly identifying a SWAT officer as a bad seed capable of backstabbing his fellow officers and shooting several of them from point-blank range. Good guys are still good guys and hate this bad guy even after they themselves defended this disgruntled officer to the bone and turned out to be wrong.

[–] sleded-29971 9 years ago

#89. Jim Street is available to mow lawns later
#90 - SWAT is a calling
#91 - Street's girlfriend was NOT having an unannounced yard sale

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] erkucz00 8 years ago

34. If someone tries to save a hostages life. its not because he's selfless or heroic, but really because he's a corrupt jerk, right?

35.Civilians in urban areas always carry camcorders, just in case there's a cop v. mob shootout.
Hello...My name is Inigo Montoya...You killed my father...prepare to die.

[–] noone1647 8 years ago

#92 It doesn't matter that they transported the criminal to prison at the end. There will be a guard or 2 who will help him escape for $100 mil.