"There's something you need to know before I tell you."
"It doesn't work that way Brendon, you can't fool me with your logic."
"OK, I'll put uncle. I'll put that in quotes actually."
"Is he in my car?"
"Paula, listen to me. A grill is something you buy once...in a lifetime. Maybe twice. Or three times. Till it breaks."
Duane (upon winning the Battle of the Bands): "We are the best band, legally, now, in the county."
The kids look through movies they don't remember making -
Brendon: "What's this one? 'The Magic Balls'."
Melissa: "Yeah, I wasn't there for that one."
McGuirk repeats his line 'in Elizabethan' (more how he said it)
Lindenson tells Paula to clean out her desk, she says she doesn't have a desk, he says: "Well then, could you possibly clean the windows at least? [off her quiet glare] Okay, bad joke. ...well, not really a BAD joke - but a bad TIME for jokes!"
Linda, ticked off that she wasn't woken: "Now I've gotta rush. Great! I'm gonna have a FUN day at the Cancer Institute!"
"Sire, now that you've taken to shrinking..."
share"I need a fisheye lens"
"It's how much, why would they even make that nobody can afford that, why do they make stuff that not everybody can afford."
just the first one i could come up with, and pretty much at least every other line in the show.
From S2ep1 Politics
Melissa: Shannon's a bad apple
Jason: He's a bad seed
Melissa: He's a bad apple seed
Jason: He's bad apple sauce
Melissa: He's bad apple pie
Jason: He's bad apple crisp
__________________________
From S4ep8 *beep* Magoo
Jason: Brendon this dog is sick or something he's been splattering poop like a race horse.
Brendon: I don't know if race horses are known for splattering poop Jason.
Jason: What am I thinking of?
Brendon: Your thinking of monkeys?
Jason: No monkeys throw poop.
Brendon: Right they throw poop.
Jason: You're sure about the race horse thing.
Brendon: Yeah that's peeing like a race horse.
Jason: Oh right right right.
Brendon: We could say he's been splattering poop like a monkey whose been throwing it.
Jason: Let's just do that.
Brendon: Now what's going on, whats up?
Jason: This dog can't stay at my house anymore Brendon.
Brendon: Why is that?
Jason: Because he's been splattering poop like a monkey's race horse.
I like that scene in 'Amy Lee and Cho' where Paula reminds Brendon to help his grandfather with the spring cleaning -
Jason: Is that a euphemism?
Everyone: Eeeww!
...
Paula: A promise is a promise, especially to an old man who's going to die soon.
Melissa: Brendon, your grandpa's dying?
Brendon: We're all dying, Melissa.
Jason (raising his glass): It's always nice to come over to the Smalls!
"would you fight shannon?"
"NO, God!"
Yeah, I like that one too. You can always tell when an improv line takes the other characters off guard like that one.
I'd forgotten one of my other favorite exchanges was with Ian Roberts from Upright Citizens Brigade. He plays Tom Wilsonberg the "financial expert" seminar guy.
S3ep12 Stow Away:
...
McGuirk: I need some advice. I need to make eleven hundred bucks quick.
Wisenberg: I'm going to tell you a little something, this goes against a lot of what I was saying in the seminar but you can make a lot of money fast gambling. Don't tell anybody I said that.
McGuirk: I wont...so you're a financial expert and your advice is go gamble.
Wisenberg: Oh, yeah I go all the time. Ever want to come with let me know, I could definitely show you a couple tricks. (hands McGuirk business card)
McGuirk: (looks at card) Ace of spades, cool card. I was kinda looking more for financial advice, you know stock market or something.
Wisenberg: You know what I call that? I call that slow go money, takes a while to earn. I'm talkin' quick bucks, I'm talkin' magic money. I'm talkin' sick piles of money. I'm talkin' lay on your bed in your Vegas room and throw the money in the air and dance as it showers down on you money. I'm talkin' frosted-glass limo money. I'm talkin' big cowboy hat, silver turquoise buckle money. I'm talkin' gambling-ah.
McGuirk: I am in love with you.
Wisenberg: That's not homosexual love that's a fascination with the good news I'm giving you.
McGuirk: ...(chuckles under his breath)
------------------------------------------------
The preceding scene is also great:
Wisenberg: Seize the day!
Audience(kids): Everyday
Wisenberg: Seize the day!
Audience(kids): Everyday!
Wisenberg: You can do it!
Audience(kids): Everyday!
Wisenberg: You're the winner!
Audience(kids): Everyday!
Wisenberg: When I say 'seize the' you say 'day'. Seize the
Audience(kids): Day!
Wisenberg: Seize the
Audience(kids): Day!
Wisenberg: YEAH!
"Don't ever search for something, because when you find it, it will have rabies." -Jason
"I smell burning eye.." -Coach McGuirk
different seasons and eps
"Well Paula I'd love to sit and chat all day"
"But you know ken your not gonna get a refund either so thats just money wasted
down the toilet."
and
"When did you get the urge to stick marbles uh into your nose?"
"When spikey told me not to"
and
When the couch was talking about some guy in the store trying to get a price on him after he knocked him out.
>Paula: A promise is a promise, especially to an old man who's going to die soon.
Melissa: Brendon, your grandpa's dying?
Brendon: We're all dying, Melissa.
Jason (raising his glass): It's always nice to come over to the Smalls!
I was totally going to say that!
that entire movie was my favourite
shareI'm just gonna throw this one out there.
I agree with your mom, Brendon. Cursing is a sign of ignorance. There is no place for cursing in a civilized society --- Oh **** ref! What the **** was that ref?! Are you taking a ****?! Is that what you’re doing or are you making a call? Cause if you can make a call, you make a call! But don’t take a **** out there! That’s taking a ****! That’s taking a **** in my ****ing mouth! And I don’t want to eat your ****! --- unless, Brendon. Unless you're really good at it. See Brendon, it’s called creative use of words. It’s like Robert Frost: 'stopping by the woods... on a snowy ****ing evening'. That kind of ****. But it’s my poetry. It's the everyday man’s poetry. Cause we can’t find good metaphors like…the woods... or the snow or the horse or that kind of stuff. --- Oh ****ing **** me, ref!!!
Mine are:
When ever Perry and Walter are around because they always say in a high pitched voice, "Perry! Yes Walter!"
The episode where McQuirk needs money and goes on the casino boat, at the very end when the two guys are wrestling over the chips, the other guy screams in a high pitched voice, "Just give me the chips man, give me the chips."
In bye bye greasy, the way Shannon says Pjs is so awesome. How his voice almosts cracks as he says it.
This one is a group one:
McQuirk: Hey Brendon, your movie sucks.
Brendon: I know.
McQuirk: No, it really really sucks.
(Screams coming from inside)
McQuirk: Whats that about?
Brendon: Oh the movie was so boring I spliced in a clip of two dogs having sex.
McQuirk: The one I gave you?
Brendon: Yeah.
Erik: Only two.
And when McQuirk tries to trade swords for food and beer. "Just take the swords and I'll take the food."
"Brendon, try these leaves. They're poisonous."
shareCan't believe no one said: "Jolly jeepers... this sucks."
"I'll write you a letter tomorrow, tonight I can't hold a pen."
The relationship that Brendon has with his mom is too funny. Just the way they speak with one another...
Paula: What were you saying?
Brendon: Can we move the flowers?
Paula: Before that.
Brendon: This meatloaf is dry.
Paula: Before that.
Brendon: This is meatloaf?
Paula: Before that.
Brendon: This fish is dry.
"Knock Knock!"
"Who's THERE?!?!"
"FeCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In the class trip episode... McGuirk to his co-worker in the space-coffee shop
"Stop staring at me. And you should blink.. it makes you look human."
McGuirk (Temporary Blindness): "Hey Ping Pong and Tucu, I hate Mr. Stingy, too. I'd like to kill the son of a bitch"
Paula (Class Trip): They found Alison. She was at the airport. She's fine.
McGurirk (Class Trip): Lady, you're not getting any coffee!
Anything spoken by Walter or Perry.
Zebras like horses are quadrupeds. That is to say they have four rupeds, one on each corner, upon which they walk.