Worst. Movie. Ever.


I heard good things about this movie from a friend and the reviews on this site. Then I saw it, and what can I say, but it's utter schlock. The plot is contrived, the writing is clichéd and the characters are so one-dimensional, I could barely stand to watch the entire film. Roth's performance and the art direction/cinematography are superb, but it can't save a plot that makes Forrest Gump look like a documentary.

A piano duel? Am I supposed to be really excited about that? The winner wasn't clear to me except for the utter predictability that 1900 was supposed to win, because his buddy was sure he wouldn't. On a musical level, all he did was play faster than Jelly Roll Morton. Faster does not equal better.

This is a personal bias, but I prefer to see movies that are all fiction or all history. Mixing a historical figure like Jelly Roll Morton into a fictional world just seems like a cop-out to me.

reply

I gather that you don't play the piano.
1900 played fast. So fast that he played a piece which required 2 people to duet on 2 separate pianos (really, that piece is called Enduring Movement, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to be played by one person alone). If you can do that, you'd be the greatest pianist in history!

reply

"I heard good things about this movie from a friend and the reviews on this site. Then I saw it, and what can I say, but it's utter schlock. The plot is contrived, the writing is clichéd and the characters are so one-dimensional, I could barely stand to watch the entire film."

From this it becomes obvious that you did not "get it". Oh well, your loss.

PS. I think some people should engrave this on their head: "It's not the movie's fault that it was not what you expected it to be. It's your own problem that you can't handle a movie which is what it wants to be."

reply

I 'got it', and I'm afraid to say ccs1969 is absolutely right. It's a horrible waste of production design that could melt the sternest retina.

It's not unreasonable, I don't think, to expect the plot of a film to effect change in the characters, and maybe for some kind of conflict (external or internal) to be resolved or, at least, introduced. If none is present, the film should at least wear its nonplottedness honestly, without the emotional manipulation and pretence of story that this husk of a plot affects.

!SPOILERS!
So there's a baby who's found on a boat. How did he get there? We don't know. Was he born on board? Maybe. He might have been born ashore after all; this is never explored. At some young age (sixish, possibly) he wanders into First Class and begins playing the piano. Brilliantly. How does he do this? Again, this is never looked into. Maybe there was some subliminal message in all the racehorse names he learned to read by – after all, he never reads again in the whole film, so those early scenes must have had some purpose, no? He remains a very good pianist, until one day the Big Bad Record Company come by to record him on their Evil Materialistic Recording Device. Luckily, as he begins to play, the most pillow-lipped and translucent-skinned girl ever to travel in steerage begins to gawp at him through the window, and the tune pouring from his fingers turns to syrup. The Recording Industry Of Nastyville USofStates like his tune and promise him fame! and fortune!, but he doesn't much fancy this, because he's soulful. The girl gets off the boat, but he doesn't much fancy following her because that would mean getting off the boat. The boat is about to get blown up, but he doesn't much fancy getting off the boat because that would mean getting off the boat. His friend says, "Oh please", but 1900 says "Naah", so his friend promises him fame! and fortune!, but 1900 says "Naah", so his friend says, "All right then". Film ends.
!SPOILERS!

So it's basically an advert for sentimentality, stasis and emotional attachment – like every bloody film ever, then. Except without a plot.

07800938858/207072803X

reply

I know your kind.

Hate your wife.
Hate your dog.
Hate your penis.
Hate your life!

reply

I completely agree with your description.

I'm watching it now but Im so bored, I'm looking into imdb as well... ))

I'm a jazz pianist myself and I've an intimate experience with cruise ships and I like Morricone, but I can't connect with this film at all.

I find it quite weird.

Also, as a pianist, I'm insulted that he wins a duel by playing to a backing track recorded by 4 hands.

Also, how incredibly weird was the scene of them rolling around on the piano during storm???
One of the weirdest scenes in the movie ever.

I'm not saying it's the worst film ever, but it's pretty strange.
Like something that was supposed to be great, but never figured out how and why.

reply

There is a lenghty discussion somewhere in this board by piano experts where the question rather was whether you need 2 or 3 hands to play that. With three hands it would definitely be playable was the consensus agreement.

Aside that technicality - you are totally missing the point. You'll note that the actual person who started this thread has later written in this thread again and he has pretty much retracted his earlier comment, saying that he was stupid and he didn't get it back then.

reply

Well, original poster might've retracted, but I didn't. :)
Also, I'm not missing the point, you have your own point and I have my own point. :)
If you gonna win a piano duel with someone - you got to play with 2 hands, whether it's your own hands, or the hands of the pianist that are edited in with the scenes.

Overall, I expect a little believability even with prodigies.

I expect Mozart or Liszt were technical beyond belief and they played with their own 2 hands and it was still incredible.
Yuja Wang plays with 2 hands and it's still unbelievable technique. :)
You don't need to record an ensemble piece to showcase 1 man's technique.

That's my point.
And it's ok if we don't agree. :)

reply

Well, your point is irrelevant. You're taking this whole thing way too literally. You want this piano duel to be a fully realistic example of his "measurably brilliant talent". I don't think that was ever the intention. This movie (or the book it is based on) never intends to tell a crude, physically, historically, socially and musically realistic story in the style of Zola or some other "hardcore naturalist".

So, the only point you're really making here is the point that you want this movie to be something it never intended to be and you think it's the movie's fault that it isn't exactly what you want it to be. You're basically complaining about a parable being a parable and not a archive record.

Next time try to value it on its own terms, in a more open-minded way or so. :)

reply

So, the only point you're really making here is the point that you want this movie to be something it never intended to be


- a good movie.

There's no pleasing some people : )

reply

There is a lenghty discussion somewhere in this board by piano experts where the question rather was whether you need 2 or 3 hands to play that


That's because missing the point is a form of art on IMDB.

There is, actually, something worthwhile at the core of this movie. Something that deserves to be dug out of the corniness and re-made, maybe with a different support actor. His problem is not his eyes, btw. It's that he is a BAD ACTOR.

The main character played a lot of music in the movie, a lot of really good music. Naturally there was none of that in the duel - the audience likes a good showdown, so you give them a stupid showdown. Light his cigarette with a pianah string, YEAH!

The infantile humor and the bad acting kinda made this movie look like an Italian Disney movie.

reply

You'll note that the actual person who started this thread has later written in this thread again and he has pretty much retracted his earlier comment, saying that he was stupid and he didn't get it back then.


Too bad the OP lost his courage and deleted his later post basically retracting his original post. I'd have liked to read it.

reply

it was alright. 1900 somehow being a prodigy didn't seem believable to me at all.

reply

Well, I don't think that was the intention either. 1900 was a lot more than a prodigy.

Quoting a review linked on imdb, by David Dalgleish, who put it very well:
"As is obvious, verisimilitude is not the intention here. The movie is based on a novel by Alessandro Baricco, best known to English-speaking readers for his novel "Silk," which treated its characters in a similar manner, as people whose lives are shaped by stories larger than they are. Both THE LEGEND OF 1900 and "Silk" show the influence of the Latin American magic realist novelists, who spin equally grand and improbable tales, featuring equally colourful, larger-than-life characters. They give us tales which hover on the boundaries of the possible and return a sense of the marvellous to a world dearly in need of it."

There's another good quote which I picked up from somewhere here on IMDB, unfortunately haven't saved the location for this one:
It's a metaphor for the human condition, that is, just as the central character 1900 lives his entire life within the limitations of the ship on which he was born and yet creates a life for himself which far exceeds those limitations, all of us who travel within the limitations of our existence have the potential to create lives which transcend our apparent and circumstantial limitations.
---------------

So you see, 1900 is never intended to be a prodigy. He can play way better than any prodigy could, he seems totally unreal, yet he's real and there, rather - simply not noticed. He's something too real to look real.

reply

Magic Realism <3

It reminded me of Gabriel Garcia Marquez :_)



I think people don't get this movie because they are used to get things straight forward... without having to look at the feel and details of the movie.

reply

A movie doesn't HAVE to be beleivable!!

When we sit down to watch a movie, we throw out what we know to be reality and make room for things that are not likely, or DONT happen. It's a detatchment from our real reality, into the reality of the film. It's like watching spiderman and saying "That film was silly. No man can get super powers by getting bitten by a spider". May be a bit of an exagerated example. But its what happens. Our reality doesnt count in the film.

Reading into films so much, just ruins the fun. If we followed rules of keeping things real, we will be living with feature legth 'Home and Away" and "Neighbours" if we are lucky... =P

Personally, 1900 was awesome... one of my favourites. I've seen it a number of times, and i still cry EVERY time i see it lol

Certain shades of the limelight can ruin a girls complexion

reply

Jazz. You either get it, or you don't.

reply

i can see why some people would'nt get the film and if you don't like jazz then your obviously not gona get it but i thought the film was brilliant. i saw parts of it late at night and it took me a while to find out what it was called cos i didnt see the beginning but when i found it i bought it and i just think its amazing film for jazz lovers and the such.

reply

I'm not even someone who knows anything about jazz music but i absolutely LOVED this film. The music/story/characters were fantastic. It was a very beautiful peice of art. I just really got entangled in it.

reply

Exactly LadyIndie, I too have no experience in Jazz music and my experience in piano playing is limited to some lessons about eight years ago. But that didn't stop me from appreciating this wonderful movie. It's a fairytale after all, a beautiful story about an extraordinary man. That's why I can let go such little things like the piano duel and the impossible piano playing, because it's a 'big fish' story, full of lies and fabrications, but more truer for their inclusion.

*Death is an aquired trait - Woody Allen*

reply

I have to agree with your assessment of this film's quality (or lack thereof). It had the potential of a fine film. Theoretically I should love it, considering my love of both music and ships. Unfortunately, the story is ruined by an utter lack of believability. It's immpossible for me to enjoy a movie if I'm constantly noticing inaccuracies, of which this film holds in abundance.

reply

The piano duel is a topper for music enthusiast or plain old duelists my friend. Look at the basic nuances 1900 uses. Not flaunting in the beginning and psyching Jelly out. Then copying him by showing him he's just as good as he his. Then closing with a vulgar display of legendary craftsmanship. Those are the things which you could be into. But the heart of the story is about a human being who should take those next few steps beyond his world. And if the drive for that is love or self graduation so be it. Both can seem old hat these days, but as for the film, it rocks the Casbah.

reply

"Worst. Movie. Ever."

I believe you're thinking of "Car 54 Where Are You?".

reply

[deleted]

[deleted]

Well, 1900 did outplay Jelly Roll morton in all aspects of piano-playing

emotion: the Silent Night song

improv (what jazz is all about): copying the crave then adding his own improvisations

and technically: Enduring movement.


btw I'm desperately trying to get a MIDI of the Enduring movement piece, so far I'm working on transcriing it, but it's seriously crazy hard.

reply

The piece Enduring Movement is available on the Italian version of the soundtrack, which has several other pieces also not released on the internationally released edtion of the soundtrack, such as Magic Waltz, played when 1900 and Max are dancing with the sea, on the grand piano. You can buy the Italian extended soundtrack at:

www.intermezzomedia.com

I did and it's great!

.Peter.D.Marsay.
'http://www.ymdb.com/pdmarsay/l33012_ukuk.html'

reply

You're absolutely right. the movie is uselessly long, with dialogues which are only self-referred, without any real story to tell. consider when 1900 explains why he cant come out: first, he had not to explain that (let us imagine something, please); second, he tells 10 times that he felt safe only in the ship and so on.

stupid and boring. from an italian to an italian director (and writer Baricco).

Mix

reply