Have you ever been ridiculed at school like Harriet?

"I was the quiet shy girl who didn't know what to say to people and couldn't catch on to social cues quick enough."

Heck, I'm still like that! :P

-Amanda

"She will remember your heart when men are fairy tales in storybooks written by rabbits"

I was bullied from third grade until my Sophomore year in high school. I had no friends in third or fourth grade due to the fact that I was the "new kid" and I mostly kept to myself. My grandma had just died and my mom left shortly after the move so I was going through a pretty rough time. It got so bad in fourth grade that I became violent. About halfway through the year I threw a desk and nearly hit the teacher, and the school said I couldn't come back until I had gotten "professional help". I spent the next six months in a psychiatric ward where doctors and therapists and psychiatrists tried to "help" me by shoving as many drugs down my throat as they could and putting me through "tests".

When I was released I moved in with my mom and started at a new school. I was in this school system from fifth grade on. Fifth and sixth grade were nothing special. I had two friends who were very close to me and everybody else was pretty much my enemy in my eyes. They weren't nice to me, but there was nothing truly scarring.

It was middle school when it got really bad. I've never been what you'd call "skinny" but I used to at least be a healthy weight. Still I was called fat. Actually my nickname in seventh grade was "chunky". At this point I was still going through therapy and I was still taking a cocktail of medications so I was unstable to say the least. I had a few friends who stood by me through it all, though. One in particular. Emily. My saving grace as far as I'm concerned. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have any happy memories of this time in my life and I'm proud to say that, at the age of 21, we're still as close as ever. Anyway... seventh grade was when I started getting violent again. I was in a public restroom at a popular skating rink and a girl walked in and said "oh look it's Chunky" and before anything could happen I rolled right up to her and punched her several times in the face and then proceeded to destroy the restroom. That was the first and only time I've ever been handcuffed, at the ripe age of thirteen. The girl's mother transferred her out of school the next day and I haven't seen her since.

I got in several more fights after that. I'm not condoning violence in any way, and if a problem can be resolved in a more peaceful manner then great! But until you've been bullied to the point where kids run you down on their bikes, spread nasty rumors, threaten you with weapons, follow you home from school, and purposely PICK fights with you, and until you've had to learn- the hard way- that sometimes teachers either can't do anything or just don't seem to care, you won't understand. Sometimes violence IS necessary.

It is ridiculous that we expect children in this position to do nothing. We tell them to stand up for themselves and then scold them for doing so. I did what I had to do in order to protect myself. And I'll tell you this: Once they learned that I wasn't going to put up with them, they left me alone.

Finally, in high school, I had a large group of loyal friends who would stand by me no matter what. They stood UP for me. And our friendships have continued all these years, only becoming stronger. After my freshman year of high school, the bullying stopped. I lied to and manipulated my psychiatrist so she would up my meds in an extreme way, making my mother believe she was a "quack" and haven't taken a pill or been to a session since. My parents are both happily remarried and are now best friends- with each other AND their new spouses. And I have never been happier.

And now, when my little brother is having trouble with bullies at his school, I have the knowledge and experience to help him through it. It still upsets me when people call me fat or ugly- sometimes to the point where I become that violent person again- but it doesn't happen very often and I know that I'm beutiful, so it's easier to deal with.

It just goes to show that no matter how bad it is, or how bad it seems, it can always get better. You should never give up on people just because you've met some terrible ones. It will make you stronger and wiser if you can learn from it, if you can move past it. And you HAVE to move past it or else it will eventually destroy you. Forgiveness is not for them, it is for YOU.