MovieChat Forums > Father of the Bride Part II (1995) Discussion > Annie Made A Mistake Going to Boston.......

Annie Made A Mistake Going to Boston....Women, Listen Up!

posted 18 years ago by Rex_Tex
51 replies | jump to latest

Women, listen up: when you decide to have a baby, its not like buying a new handbag. You don't go, "Oh...this would look nice with my career and my new car".

No...having a baby is a ALL CONSUMING LIFE CHOICE. When you have that child, God has made you 100% responsible for that child's development and growth.

Babies need full time Mom's: not working Mom's who outsource the child's care to a Mexican nanny or a day care centre.

And I know that career women wouldn't want to hear that....but its not a choice between career and being a mother.

When you have a baby, TAKE FIVE YEARS OFF WORK, and raise that child full time till its ready to start pre-school.

Those five years are essential to the child's development, and every study shows that children raised by a full time mom are infinately better off than those dumped in child care.

Or, at the very least, take THREE years off, and then go back to work PART TIME till your child is ready for school.

Annie-Banks made a totally selfish decision in this movie: she uprooted herself and her husband from their families in California to move to Boston. The MacKenzies I'm sure would have wanted to be close to their grandchild, and the Banks' I'm sure would have wanted to have their baby grow up with Annie's.

Steve Martin's character was a total wimp: when Annie asks for his advice, he decides to be a PC 1990s new age Dad and give her the green light, even though he knew it was the wrong move.

[–] jenjen1960 18 years ago

I agree with Rex Tex! I like the movie in general, but I HATED that whole Boston thing! Why take their new grandchild...their FIRST grandchild 3,000 miles away? If she is such a great architect there will be other "wonderful" opportunities for her career in the future...and yes as I mentioned in a thread, Steve Martin was wimpy and PC along with the other "men" in this flick!

[–] Rex_Tex 18 years ago

This movie was feminist, PC propaganda!!!

And Steve Martin was so trying to be 'hip' and 'with it', that he refused to veto his daughter making the worst decision of his life...one that would hurt him, his wife, his other children, Mr Mackenzie and his parents....

THE moving to Boston thing RUINED this movie.

[–] flashpenguin86 18 years ago

George can't veto Annie----she is married to Brian. George is not responsible for Annie's decisions any more than Brian's parents are responsible for his. They are grown adults. I don't believe that the movie was feminist propaganda. Millions of women raise children and have careers. Also, Annie has a job that will let her bring the baby to work. Brian, if he is brilliant as it has been implied, will be capable of conducting business from home via the internet. A parent will be with the baby.

Also, it was a move that was to last as long as it took to complete the building. It was not to be permanent.

Remember, it isn't the quantity of time spent, it is the quality. A lot of kids with stay at home parents get into tons of trouble, and lots of kids with working parents grow to be productive citizens. It has to do with discipline and moral values that parents instill in their children.

This scenario is no different than in the old days when families would move across country to start a new life, leaving loved ones behind, knowing they probably would never see each other again. At least Annie and George have telephone and airplanes to communicate and visit.

House: Hey I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.

[–] Rex_Tex 18 years ago

" Remember, it isn't the quantity of time spent, it is the quality"

Bull Sh it and you know it! Children want their parents around them....you can't compensate for leaving them with the nanny all week with an icecream and a trip to a ballgame on the weekend.

[–] PopSixSquish 8 years ago

^ THAT was perfect (kinda almost a decade ago, and remains so!)

[–] SaphfireRose 17 years ago

"making the worst decision of his life...one that would hurt him, his wife, his other children, Mr Mackenzie and his parents"
Yes, that statement signifies that your thought as a male is on YOURSELF, and not anyone else. God forbid other men are as selfish and greedy as that. Families don't all live in the same community. The world isn't one communist world. Families DO move. Unfortunately, 'George' was being a typical selfish and greedy male at the start, then he started to put his own selfish needs aside and acted like a human being.

Salem

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Genesgirl 17 years ago

Wow. Caveman party of one.

"The time to make up your mind about people is never."

[–] simplyshiny 17 years ago

Is it the 19th century? I thought it was the 21st...why is it feminist thinking a woman should work to her fullest potential? I was left at the next door neighbors while my mother worked and I am still very close to my mother and never felt abandonment issues. in fact, I loved that she left me there, i realize now that the adults that my parents introduced me to made me less of a clingy bitch to them. And whats more, I've even nannied before, and both of those parents loved their children so much and when they were home and on weekends always went to do special things. In fact, its always hard for a mother to find a nanny/day care, they spend weeks. months looking for the best.

and who ever said that they were in day care for three weeks, it probably wasnt your mother realizing the pain, it was her spoiling you and babying you or her wanting you all to her self

[–] Rapturegal 14 years ago

I see some derailing of the original topic here. It's not a debate about women having careers or day care but a person moving across country for the sake of a job, weakening family roots in the process.

The OP is absolutely right in his assessment about the importance of FAMILY. :)

George faked his approval of the Boston idea but his heart was breaking. Annie should have put family ties first, taking career opportunities in L.A that would fit around those relationships. Time with our loved ones is precious and brief. To move far away and rarely see the people who mean the most to us is to damage the special history a family builds together. This is not what God intended for our happiness. True, Annie is only a character in a movie but her real life counterparts will one day pay a very high price for their selfish "vision" of success.

[–] jenjen1960 17 years ago

I stand by you Rex 100 PERCENT...and I am a WOMAN!!
(What's up with this "godess" stuff??? It's GOD GOD GOD ...repeat after me:
G-O-D!!!) oK...I'll probably catch hell for saying that...oh well.
Anyway back to the movie...it was filmed in the 90's at the height of yuppies and the notion that "women can have it all" and it's ok to sacrifice your children. Someone in an earlier post mentioned studies that children in day care fair no worse or no better than children who are with their mothers. I guess you didn't read the more recent studies that more and more women are leaving their high powered careers to be with their kids.
While I LOVE the movie, I still stand by my opionion that it shows men as weak and women as so much smarter and more driven...I tell my kids that if you dont' want to take the time to raise your own kids..DON'T HAVE THEM!

I speak from experience...I had my kids in daycare...I cried everyday that I left them, I did it because I thought it was "expected" of me to go out and work to earn my keep. Yes, I was weak, and I should have put my foot down but I didn't. My kids are older now, and that was my bigest regret. I am now teaching my daughters not to make the mistakes that I made...go to college...have your career, but before you marry plan on when and which one of you are going to stay with your children.

Ok..off the soap box...
GREAT MOVIE....HUH???? THAT STEVE MARTIN IS HILARIOUS!! :)

[–] Rex_Tex 17 years ago

thanks for sharing that lomax.

And I agree with you.

My story is this:

My mom sent me to daycare for two weeks.

I was only three, but I remember it clearly.

It was a very traumatic experience for me: I remember crying as she left me at this door that was closed at the bottom so kids couldn't get through, but so parents could talk above it.

I complained to my mom that the 'toilets were dirty' and the 'apples were dirty' (they were actually just brown from having been cut and left for a while...but to me they were dirty'

THANK GOD, my tears worked, and my mom decided that going back to her banking career wasn't worth the pain me and my brother were going through.

But every time we even drove past the place my brother and I would cry, 'PLEASE DON'T TAKE US TO THE LADY'S HOUSE!!!'

I'm so very grateful for her decision to raise us. Generally no-one is better than one's own mom.

[–] Savage_Pacifist 17 years ago

Actually, you sound spoiled. Plain and simple.

As a person who is trained in childhood development, I can tell you that it the combination of so many other factors that just reading your posts makes me laugh.

There is absolutely no proven study out there that says a child who is raised by working parents is any less developed, so please, get off your religious soap box.

[–] Rex_Tex 17 years ago

Its spoiled to be raised by your mother and not someone who is getting paid to do it???

Yeah, I guess in this day and age it might be considered 'spoiled': I call it normal though.

Bite me.

[–] Savage_Pacifist 17 years ago

No, I wasn't calling you spoiled because you were raised by your mother as opposed as by a nanny, or someone else who was paid to do it.

I called you spoiled based on your responses.

I was hoping to have a civilized conversation/debate on the subject...but seeing your "bite me" comment...really tells me that you aren't quite up to that level of doing something like that without insulting others.

[–] Rex_Tex 17 years ago

Oh, I'm sorry:

Bite me.

[–] Savage_Pacifist 17 years ago

What are you...12?

Do you realize how immature you make yourself by doing that? It really only strengthens my argument that your statements from before have absolutely no merit or standing whatsoever.

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] freerun250 15 years ago

LOL Get over it, Rex.

[–] tennvolsgirl 11 years ago

JenJen1960, I agree with what you said and I am a woman too!

[–] xxx-lottie-xxx 17 years ago

Rex Tex, grow up and realise this isn't the Victorian ages, it's 2007. And if posting this makes me a femi-nazi, then I'd rather be a femi-nazi than an ignorant prick like you.

[–] Rex_Tex 17 years ago

femo nazis can bite me too.

[–] Savage_Pacifist 17 years ago

What....no witty response to add to our conversations?

[–] Rex_Tex 17 years ago

I thought "bite me" was pretty witty.

[–] Savage_Pacifist 17 years ago

No, as stated before, the phrase "bite me" is pointless and childish.

I mean something of merit to defend yourself to the statements that I made about your post.

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] SaphfireRose 17 years ago

I strongly disagree. Bringing a mythical 'god' into it isn't helping the argument either. In fact, I think its time men pulled their weight as fathers and stopped being so selfish and postponed THEIR careers to stay home with the children. A child needs a mother no more or no less than their father. For too often men escaped to their little offices leaving the little wife to do all the housework and look after his children. Its about time men stood up to the responsibilities of fatherhood. A lot of problems youths, especially boys have, is because of the absence of a father or father figure. If fathers didn't neglect their children so much and left5 at 7am to return at 9pm and barely see their children or care, on the weekends, theri would be less male juvenile delinquency. Its time men took responsibility. Many homes have the woman working and the father staying home to tend to his children. Whats wrong with that? Very overdue.

Steve Martin's character was not a whimp, he was doing what he knew to be in the BEST INTERESTS of Annie. Stopping his daughter from moving would be the height of selfishness. He wanted to stop her, for his own reasons, but in the end, he knew he had to do what was RIGHT. And he did.

Salem

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Tresemmegan 16 years ago

Ok, to the OP, who thinks a new mother should take 5 years off her career to raise her child...

what about if she has more than 1 child? what if she has one kid every couple years, and 3 or 4 of them? That's too many years out of work

In this day and age, the cost of living is ridiculous, and everyone needs to make as much money as they can. Giving up 5 years of income...not good.

speaking for myself, I plan on having kids, yes, plural, and keeping my soon-to-be career of a veterinarian. Why give up 8 years of college education and a top of the line career out of fear that my kid won't love me as much?

What if I wanted to leave my children with my mother? my brothers? my sister? my aunts and uncles? would that make me a bad mother just because I wouldn't want to give up what I'd worked my a** off for?

Anywhere you go, let me go too...that's all I ask of you

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] genronomiko 16 years ago

Children who don't have full-time moms in the early stages of their development wont be as well off as those who do? That's a very one-sided argument and simply your opinion.

When my mother had her first child she was a single parent. She raised my sister and she worked, because she had to and I wouldn't call that being selfish. Did that effect my sister's development? Not at all, because my mother was able to instill within her a sense of values regardless.

My sister may have had a working mother, but that didn't make my mother any less dedicated. My sister was an honors student, she went to college, she worked, she paid for her own car and her life couldn't be anymore stable. My sister is also a working mother and she has two children and she did not take five years off of work. Her kids are smart and talented.

I think it depends more on how well the mother is able to juggle her life, I also think you preaching on your soapbox is plain ignorant when you're only looking at life through your own perspective. You don't speak for everyone and you're not one to tell all women to "listen up" and "take five years off". I don't know if you are a parent or not, but if you are that might work for you, but just because a mother works it doesn't make her selfish and it doesn't mean all children with working moms will have developmental problems.

In my opinion a mother who knows how to run her life is a strong person.

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Aimless_Small_Potatoes 15 years ago

Holy crap. I truly have to assume that you are trying to stir the pot and are kidding with this rubbish.

I'm pregnant and I will take my 3 month maternity leave. I'm going back to work for several reasons.

First and foremost - we cannot afford to live on one salary, I don't know many people who can in this day and age. My husband and I make just about the same salary and cutting that in half is unrealistic.

One salary would cover our mortgage, one car payment, heat and electric. That leaves out the other car, food, clothing, gas, phone, etc.

Secondly - I love my job!! If we could afford it, my husband would quit his job and I would work. However, as I explained - IMPOSSIBLE.

Just because someone has a child, it doesn't mean they need to give up their own dreams and happiness.

"I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing." Norman Bates

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]