Only (some) women defend this movie - The Bridges of Madison County (1995) Discussion

[–] Astrid2266 12 years ago

If it were a man and depicted with the same sensitivity, I'd have empathy for him. It's just that most movies when they depict a man having an affair, he is usually shown as being selfish and shallow.

I didn't think that she was portrayed as being "bored". It was more that her marriage had become empty and so had she.

Do ya love him Loretta?
Ah Ma I love im awful.
Oh God, you poor thing.

reply

[–] mysprouts-740-813856 12 years ago

I've been living under a Rick and only just saw this yesterday. I am sad to say I'm utterly disappointed that it's a cheating movie. I'm a woman. Meryl Streep is a fine actress but im not buying what she's selling here.

I thought unfaithful was a good study on cheating because it didn't involve love. It involved obsession. She allows herself to be consumed.

But being so brave to live in a marriage even though you live another? No. Not brave.

reply

[–] sarizonana 11 years ago

Really ?

I think Meryl Streep here had better reasons to cheat than Connie(unfaithful) or Katherine ( The English Patient).

Her husband even tough was nice he didn't give her the attention she wanted, so she went to look for it in another place, I'm not saying she was right with cheating.

She could have spoken with her husband about or like someone else said divorce but please don't get me wrong I'm not justifying what she did.

I'm only saying that between all the films I know about this subject Meryl's character is the one who has the better reason to do so since she got stuck in a bad marriage.

In second place there is Katherine from the English Patient who even though she had a very nice husband who paid her attention loved her like crazy she felt in love with someone else and truly felt in love.

The worst is Conny who even tough had a very good marriage cheated just for the excitement.
All were wrong but I felt more sorry for the other two who truly loved the other man instead of doing it just got fun.

reply

[–] lamont-hard 11 years ago

I read that the director says most people got the movie wrong. She was not as unhappy years after Robert left as everyone keeps saying, just listen to her talking to her husband on his deathbed. Robert was someone whom brought her excitement and introduced her to a new world. It was a love affair that would not continue because she was already married. She could not leave him because she actually loved him and knew it would tear him apart. Boring marriage and all she learned to continue to accept it. It was just four days so all she really loved from Robert was what they had during that time. The guilt would have caught up with her at some point.

The cheating was needed to make the point that she crossed the line and got away with it because she would have never known something different. It had very little to do with her husband. He died happy with his wife by his side. I don't think they were saying at all she made the wrong choice. The dream she could never have the man whom she would never see again. We have to leave her being unhappy/happy out of the equation as well as weather she loved either of them to get the full effect of the movie.

reply

[–] sarizonana 11 years ago

Ok that's interesting, I guess well I'm one of the woman who misunderstood the film

I had the feeling that she just stayed with her husband because at the end it was the right thing to do or what it was expected from society.
When she knows about the woman who is hatted because she is divorced , Francesca feels like getting a divorce is something out of question for her and even less to sacrifice it because of that man.

I guess she was also afraid that if she choose Robert, one day get could leave her since he was a free spirited guy, like Almasy ( from the English patient) Robert was a man who didn't like ownership and even tough you see him very sad because Francesca left him he never did what Almasy did for Catherine at the end.

Almasy completely changed for Katherine while Robert had a great time with her and with time saw her in a different way than just a friend, he never proved his love to her the way Almasy did to Katherine.

Like I said before I don't approve cheating but I can understand Francesca and I feel bad for her since in my opinion she stayed with her husband because of routine and Robert never gave her a reason to change her mind, he kind of said I care for you didn't give her an absolute prove of his love to her.

Non of those man gave her the love she wanted, Robert gave her excitement and fun but never expressed himself as being completely in love and her husband was stable but never cared for the things she wanted.

That's the biggest reason I sympathies with her, because she was good woman but But non of them deserved her, she was wrong for cheating definitely but didn't have a great choice with neither of them.

That's why even tough I liked bridges I prefer the English Patient the feelings of the couple Almasy and Katherine were mutual.
At first for Almasy was just an Affair and Katherine got angry because of it, she felt it wasn't worth to cheat on her nice husband for someone who just wants to have fun but Latter Almasy showed that he was very in love with Katherine and would do anything for her.

Connie in Unfaithful is the least likable since her affair was just because she wanted to experience danger when she had a perfect man at her home that she loved.
She didn't even had a good reason to do what she did.

reply

[–] lamont-hard 11 years ago

Wow you gave some very different things seen by you in this film.

You say.....I had the feeling that she just stayed with her husband because at the end it was the right thing to do or what it was expected from society.

On this it was almost a no brainer, Just what would she do for money, she had no skills other than maybe amatuer Photography. She would have had to live off Robert for a long time. She was dependent already on her husbands money, so there is no improvement on her growing there. She may have actually missed her family, any mom will miss her kids. They had no place to go, she would have been having to use her married name [legally] adding to the guilt each time she wrote it. I could go on forever but you catch my drift on this one..... Stayed because it was expected of society ...I don't think that was mentioned. I would like to add she loved her husband and kids but hated the farm life.

You say......
Non of those man gave her the love she wanted, Robert gave her excitement and fun but never expressed himself as being completely in love and her husband was stable but never cared for the things she wanted.

She was not miss lovable her self but, I think they both loved her. ANY WAY It had nothing to do with how much they loved her. The movie is about honoring her commitment to her family. She was not looking for love from Robert, but the excitement he brought to the table, he was different than what she knew and she wanted that lifestyle instead of what she had, photography, art, great sex, etc.

You say.....
That's the biggest reason I sympathies with her, because she was good woman but But non of them deserved her, she was wrong for cheating definitely but didn't have a great choice with neither of them.

She had very little respect witch in some men's mind is everything, she had sex in her own home in her and her husbands bed. Wanting to run off after sex in the manner she did is something you get from white trash. As it turned out her husband was aware she wanted to experience something different but out of all those years she never even approached him or tried to talk about her feelings, that is what I got. I say these things because she is no prize herself. If she does all these things to her family she will do this to Robert also. Just because Robert is Robert does not really change who and what she is.
My point is these issues are useless in the film and I would never call her those things. I say them because she is no prize herself.... They both were great choices I don't understand how you see this different.

reply

[–] sarizonana 11 years ago

You have some great points .

Yes ofCourse she also stayed for her kids and yes his husband was a good person and maybe did love her but he just stopped telling her that after many years of marriage.
And again you have a good point she should have spoken about her unhappiness and she wanted more from that marriage

Ok maybe she wasn't looking for true love with Robert but did felt in love with him but I admit you are right many things in her behavior while cheating was very wrong starting by being the one who flirted first and while Robert was friendly at the beginning he was keeping his distance and yes cheating in her own home was bad.

But I felt bad for her since I thought she loved more Robert than he did. Like I said he could have shown her with an action why she should go with him but I guess like you say she preferred to honor her family since Robert didn't give her a reason good enough to follow him

Please don't think I'm a crazy feminist who is putting her as a victim and the two guys as evil. I recognize she was wrong of. Cheating instead of speaking and her first reasons for cheating now I've realized at some point were the reasons for her affair were the same as Connie's in Unfaithful the difference is that she latter truly felt in love with Robert and was expecting a big promise from him.

Not just come with me, we as an audience wanted to hear from him something like I'll make you to take your kids with you and will be a family or something like that. And if not maybe she wanted a crazy reaction from him like again the one Almasy had almost at the end of the film The English Patient when he tells her I want the things that are mine that belong to me.

something like that would have made us root for their relationship but at the end this film is not so much of a romance is more like a study on cheating and which is the right thing to do.

At the end she stayed with her husband who was the loyal guy and with her cards and her story it helps her grown up kids what to do with their own relationships.

reply

[–] lamont-hard 11 years ago

You say...
Not just come with me, we as an audience wanted to hear from him something like I'll make you to take your kids with you and will be a family or something like that. And if not maybe she wanted a crazy reaction from him like again the one Almasy had almost at the end of the film The English Patient when he tells her I want the things that are mine that belong to me.

The kids would have never left with her, Robert was not that type of man he would have already had kids if he wanted them besides they were to old for her to ask or make them do anything they would not want to. The husband was great dad so why would she tear them away from him.

You say....
But I felt bad for her since I thought she loved more Robert than he did. Like I said he could have shown her with an action why she should go with him but I guess like you say she preferred to honor her family since Robert didn't give her a reason good enough to follow him.

She only knew this guy for four days so it is a fair assumption she knew very little about him other than he was sincere and a fantastic man. You keep saying she loved him but I think it was what he represented she loved just what was there to love about someone whom you barely know. Robert is in love with what he feels in, he has finally found a soul mate. He knows nothing of this woman's suffering from depression and is sad and responding from that, not in any way whom he may find later to be too clingy or any other things she may bring to the table. Very important...She cheated in her own home and bed on her husband and family in no time flat. This is whom she, is a shallow person whom is very mixed up. When one steps back and really examine what they had it is easy to just take that they were not meant for each other as the film is saying. You have to throw out all of the whom loved who and just go with a women stayed true to her family and the memory of her lover, One last point, and it is she would have had to settle at some down at some point and started doing the same things for Robert as she did for her husband washing cooking and cleaning. And i am sure he would not be mister wonderful all the time.

reply

[–] sarizonana 11 years ago

The kids would have never left with her, Robert was not that type of man he would have already had kids if he wanted them besides they were to old for her to ask or make them do anything they would not want to. The husband was great dad so why would she tear them away from him.

Ok their kids wouldn't have left their father because like you said he was a good father but what I mean is that she was expecting a big promise from Robert or she wanted to hear something to make it clear that he would love her and anyone else
Robert offered her an adventure and excitement but not true love or at least never implied so..

Another example of what Francesca and we as an audience expected from Robert was the behavior of Rick from Casablanca, they don't either end up together but she(Ilsa) leaves Casablanca knowing that Rick truly loved her .

Ohh ok.
I guess I finally see what you mean.

do You think her affair with Robert was just infatuation and never felt really in love with him ? In other words she was just like Connie from unfaithful who cheated just to have excitement in her life But the difference is that Francesca got away with it.

Well in that case even though I disagree because she looked very sad when she saw Robert once again and she was with her husband who just came back from his trip. She had a look that maybe if she would still stay with her husband wanted to know how much he loved her.

she wanted one l last try from him to take her, even tough she would still say no.
she did felt something special for Robert if it wasn't the case she wouldn't have asked what she did when she died.

One last point, and it is she would have had to settle at some down at some point and started doing the same things for Robert as she did for her husband washing cooking and cleaning. And i am sure he would not be mister wonderful all the time.

Very possible that's maybe one of the reasons she stayed with her husband, because yes what they hadn't the end was deep mature love. Meanwhile she was in love Robert.

Mmmm yes at the end I agree with you she did love her husband very much but I bet she wanted to hear from Robert I Love you or romantic demonstration of his even tough they would never see each other again.

Something like what Almasi did for Catherine in The English Patient, what Rick did for Ilsa in Casablanca or Noah did for Allie in the Notebook.

reply

[–] liscarkat (19396) 4 years ago

"She could have spoken with her husband about"

It doesn't do any good. They act surprised, as if they have no idea what you're talking about. They accuse you of imagining it all, and they get angry. Suddenly you are the bad guy. Nothing is accomplished.

reply

[–] mysprouts-740-813856 12 years ago

But here's what's really sick: it's not acceptable in modern society to leave a marriage because you've grown apart. It's not acceptable to cheat. So...what's that leave?

reply

[–] balehead74 12 years ago

Of course it's acceptable to leave a marriage because you've grown apart! Isn't that the most common reason? At least where I live.

reply

[–] zoolzool 12 years ago

The trick is to work on the marriage so that you DON'T grow apart. But that means actually WORKING at it and WORKING things out.

WORK. That nasty W word no one wants anything to do with. Especially when it comes to intimate relationships.

Shine sweet freedom, shine your light on me.

reply

[–] ginagtc 12 years ago

I think it shows how men and women forget how they felt when they first met and you meet someone that makes you feel that again. Someone sees you again. Yes, if it was 4 days it would always be more perfect because none of the bs is there but what did she choose? It just gave her one little piece of life that was her own and nobody else's.

reply

[–] whoiamnow 12 years ago

Sometimes you grow into two different people, no matter how hard you work at it. I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago, nor is my husband. What I valued then isn't what I value now.

He and I see the world so differently now. The person I feel in love with has turned into a solitary, gruff man who sits in front of the news all day declaring his self-righteous hate for mankind. Meanwhile, his wife has become a tree hugging liberal who support the killing of babies and the unions of "queers". There's no falling back in love for either of us.

Some couples have the fortune to change in the same directions. Others grow apart despite our best efforts.

reply

[–] helenight 11 years ago

It's a movie.
It's not real.

reply

[–] sherineyousery 11 years ago

That's very inaccurate. Men with affairs are shown on screen as dirty people who would do anything for sex and would totally be undeserving and ungrateful for their wives. If it wasn't for that, people would definitely gave sympathized with him.

reply

[–] SCsurfguy 11 years ago

If she's locked into a boring, dull, unfulfilling marriage, that's her fault. She made her choice. Totally unsympathetic character, IMO.

reply

[–] sherineyousery 11 years ago

You are right about whose fault it is, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't get a chance to fix it when she's capable of seeing how unfulfilled her life had become.

reply

[–] redban (6776) 4 years ago

But remember that she doesn't leave her husband and kids. She stays with them. She therefore shows loyalty to her husband, her marriage, and her kids.

And remember that her kids, after reading Francesca's will, resolve to make their marriages more enjoyable; their goal was to ensure their partners never experience what Francesca did. So there is a celebration of marriage.

Yeah, she did cheat on her husband. But it was more of a reaction to the dullness of Iowa life, the lack of communication between her and her children, the boringness of her husband etc. She wasn't really seeking to be unfaithful, and I don't think she was totally into Kincaid.

reply