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100 Things I learned from The Last Seduction

posted 16 years ago by victorianyc
36 replies | jump to latest

100. Never Slap a woman, it will cost you a thumb, 750k, and your freedom
99. Pharmacists have good dope
98. Wendy Kroy backwards is like so clearly New York
97. A woman will plot to kill her husband if asked to by a telemarketer
96. Brunets are bad asses
95. You can tell a man does not have an STD by smelling his crotch
94. Never chew gum, it does make you look like a cow. mama was right.
93. 750k gets between you and your spouse real quick (see 1. lesson)
92. Never order an Manhattan in a dive bar in Bestin
91. Apple Pie makes a great ashtray.
90. The law does not make it easy to steal and deal drugs

can we get the list up to 100....

Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.

[–] johnyjoe 16 years ago

I doubt it.

Movies on IMDB are not overrated, you're just of the minority that doesn't bloody LIKE THEM!

[–] victorianyc 16 years ago

cearly... on other movie sites...the lists are hysterical! Oh well...

[–] sackler2001 16 years ago

89. Commemorative coins sold by telemarketers are worth less than $100 in any quantity
88. That you can kill a man using only mace
87. Multi-story houses can be rented day-of, for the short-term, in cash, with no local tenant history required
86. When you are on the run, create an alias, and . . .
87. STAY PUT. Most fugitives are caught on the run
86. In Buffalo, NY, a man can get legally married to a man in a wig and a kimono
85. Domestic violence is a good excuse to convince your new employer not to use your real name
84. Calling 911 and saying someone flashed his diddly to your 5-year old daughter will get the police to your door in less than three minutes
83. A slim piece of wood spiked with nails will flatten a tire

[–] victorianyc 16 years ago

82. accepting cookies for a sociopath is not a good idea
81. with a clipboard you can get information from anyone about everything
80. wearing boys briefs will get your man very very mad
79. Jeep Cheerokee's are perfect cars to have sex in when not in the mood for a chain fence.
78. when you flee from your drug dealing dentist husband and pack lots of black and white outfits to wear while you are on the lam.
77. men love crazy biaches

Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.

[–] sackler2001 16 years ago

76. Your driver-side airbag will save you if you decide to run head-on into a tree
75. There's always a local girl hanging at your local bar, and her purpose there is to keep you from moving away and making it big
74. Small-town people are very friendly and always say "Good morning," as you pass by, and...
73. ...they definitely take note when a black man comes to town
73. It takes between $500k and $1 million to acquire the key to the REAL new york city (and I believe it: it's called the "comfort level")
72. It IS true what they say about black guys. You know, size.
71. The area in and around Buffalo, NY is COW COUNTRY, and...
70. ... is where you can find a major telemarketing business (if you need a job)
69. You can pay off a loan shark in bits, a little here, a little there, to buy time and save a finger
68. While being raped, remember you should still be able to dial a phone
67. Once you have lots of money, don't visit the location of your last murder without a limo and a chauffeur with a huge umbrella.

[–] flern 16 years ago

can we get the list up to 100....

Judging from your attempt at the first ten... which contained at most five items worthy of being included in such a list (and a similar or worse batting average from the few people who tried to follow your lead), I'd say that the goal of trying to get the list up to 100 was probably a bad idea.

[–] victorianyc 16 years ago

thanks for your input

[–] flern 16 years ago

Actually, I'd like to retract and amend my input. I don't think that there were five good items listed in total by you and the other three posters who attempted to add to the list, unless just listing a bunch of unremarkable things that were observed in the movie was the point of the list, which in that case I'll add to it with....

You will likely see a neon beer sign inside a small local bar.

A hot woman from the city attracts attention in a small town bar.

If you steal a large sum of drug money from your husband, he'll try to find you.

A small town boy will likely fall for a hot girl from the city who has sex with him every day from the day they first meet.

Some people still use refillable metal cigarette lighters instead of disposable plastic ones.

The 716 area code covers Buffalo New York and about the western fifth of the state.

15 years ago, you were allowed to smoke in bars in the state of New York.

Cabs outside of New York City aren't necessarily yellow.

Beston New York is more than 52 miles from Buffalo and 87 miles from Niagara Falls.

There are a lot more cabs on the streets of New York City than in Beston or even Bufallo.

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] beauty-by-jill 16 years ago

66. The ability to write upside down is a mark of evil.
65. Those who are on the run from a place always order a drink with the name of that place.
64. If you dump 700k+ in cash by the NYC docks, none will blow away.
63. Skeletal women will screw you and then make long-distance calls on your phone if you are not vigilant.
62. Newspapers in those boxes on Main Street USA are free.
61. Hearing the same faux-jazz theme played constantly will make you steal money and kill people.
60. If you ever want to steal drug money and launder it, call JT Walsh. He'll know what to do.
59. Once you've got away with the crime, relax - let someone else go to Barcelona and commit the next one.
58. The Faustian deal between femme fatale and stupid but well-hung patsy is normally sealed when she rolls a ball across a pool table and he catches it.

[–] sackler2001 16 years ago

57. You can tell if a man is STD free by wiping your hands on his junk and smelling your fingers
56. If you work for an insurance company, you can cross-reference policy holders from other insurance firms, no problem!
55. You can still get a $2 drink in this country . . . though you may have to suck someone’s dick around there to get one
54. You can’t learn the pilot’s name of the plane you’ll be flying, sorry.
53. Remember: Make sure to have an extra “getaway” car parked somewhere nearby, at all times – when you need to escape.

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] amazingann 14 years ago

57. If you want your lover to kill your husband but the lover's not so bright, write it down step by step and have him memorize it like a 3rd grade test.
56.If you're trying to trace a call, remember to take the original phone off the hook so it won't ring.
55. If you're spelling New York backwards, it's okay to add an extra DY and nobody will notice.
54. $700,000 used to be enough to live in style in the good old days.
53. If in doubt, listen to "Lola."

[–] temperamint-1 16 years ago

I can't think of anything, except for the fact that Mike was semi-retarded.

[–] sackler2001 16 years ago

50. If you want to do a $700,000 drug deal, a great place to do the transaction is under the historic Brooklyn Bridge, out in the open, in broad daylight!
49. Loan sharks charge 10% a week in interest.
48. New York City telemarketing firms employ supervisors who patrol with stopwatches and telemarketers who use chocolate-colored phones.
47. A copper wedding band indicates a spur-of-the-moment marriage – and a little hard alcohol will help you slip it off your finger.
46. Apparently, outside Buffalo there are women in bars who let all the bar patrons feel them up, but allow no one to *beep* them.

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] vince4953529 15 years ago

42. Bridget + smoking = incredible sexiness.
43. Mike not only wants to *beep*, he would like to talk too.
44. To Mike marrying Trish was a bad mistake.
45. It's about a 12 to 13 hours drive to Chicago.

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] sackler2001 15 years ago

38. New York girls *beep* different than country girls. And no one *beep* like Bridget.
37. Small tits are sexy.

[–] vastuntitled 15 years ago

36. The NAACP will not be holding its annual convention in Bestin
35. Bad guys use foul language, just like in the movies
34. You know, thumbs are important...
33. Bad idea to slap your woman and then take a shower, leaving lots of cash unattended
32. Licking a stack of money is kind of sexy

[–] Gimsni 15 years ago

31.Clay should have asked and really encouraged Bridget to join him in the shower so that he wouldn't have risked losing that cash plus getting some.

[–] Robo183 15 years ago

30. A cab ride from Bestin to Buffalo costs around 96.00 bucks.
29. There are some gangsters in New York that rob empty cases and give their victims money.
28. If you take a "for sale" sign away, you can move into the house for free
27. If someone owes taxes on a property and you pay the taxes, you become the owner( if the owner doesn't figure out what happened). I will try this out myself.

[–] nutsberryfarm 13 years ago

in some bars it's required of the female clientele to provide oral gratification to attain adequate customer service.

We're not soldiers and he's not the enemy. He's a pizza man.

[–] klandersen 14 years ago

When I first saw this movie the term "Friends with Benefits" hadn't quite gotten off the ground yet so when I first heard about FWBs I thought Oh they are DFs.

[–] OneofaKind07 14 years ago

26. It will take you about 10 to 12 hours to get to Chicago from Beston, depending on how fast you can drive
25. You have to say please when ordering a drink in a bar
24. When on the run, hide your money in the attic

[–] bengalltigerr 14 years ago

23. Ugly women got brains.

Metal forever.............

[–] huckfunn 14 years ago

22. If you manage a telemarketing operation, speak loudly and disrespectfully to your crew so as to be sure customers can hear. Also, employees perform at their best when berated and humiliated.

21. Telemarketers are dangerous. They can and will kill you.

20. Certain beautiful sociopaths can clairvoyantly anticipate and handle every problematic scenario with aplomb -- almost as if someone were writing and directing their every move.

19. An experienced private investigator can be cajoled pretty easily by a flirtatious, yet provenly deceptive, sociopath into exposing his Johnson.

18. If a mysterious stranger you've been shtupping tells you she's killed a man, then, damn it, she has. That's all you need to know. Where's the trust?

17. A young, single, personable claims adjuster with a respectable employment record working for an interstate insurance company has NO chance of making it on his own in New York City.

16. It's OK to "feel up" the hot barfly. But if you *beep* her, you're never getting out of Beston.

"Martha Washington was a hip, hip, hip lady, man."

[–] sackler2001 13 years ago

15. Once he hits you, you can't go back. It's over, he's set the stage for how it's gonna go down from now on, no matter how sincere his apologies. The only option -- hit him back. Hit him back hard.

14. When you are planning a sudden escape from your marriage and your life, take the shampoo.

13. Yes, if you buy a house with that cash, he has a rightful claim to half of it until you are legally divorced. Sorry, the law doesn't make it convenient for you to steal and deal drugs.

12. The ring on your finger is merely a token you carry around and sport for others, and him, right up until the moment you get the boost (or, hopefully, the cash) you need to step up and out of the social/financial trap you are in. After that, the marriage is useless, and the ring is merely spare change.

11. In these kinds of small towns, it's actually the men who are the anchors. They just don't know it.

10. To be considered a wise man: 1. Always choose a $100 bill over $1000 worth of commemorative coins; and 2. Never expect or ask for love.

9. "City trash" grows balls.

[–] zorba1968 13 years ago

8. Turning off the lights after murder let's yourself know you've finished an unpleasant chore.
7. In NYC, couples do role play where the husband is killed and the wife raped
6. Not every movie in NYC with clarinet jazz music is a Woody Allen
5. City trash can grow you a new set of balls
4. Grandmas use post-it notes on apple pies
3. Unrolled latex is evidence of sex

[–] OneofaKind07 13 years ago

2. Slapping your wife might get you killed.
1. You can get hired under a fake name if you're running away from an abusive husband.

[–] mforum-1 12 years ago

More lessons learned from the Last Seduction:

The best comeback line when someone mocks your professional competence by asking "Are you still a lawyer?" is, "Are you still a self serving bitch?"

If you patronize a sports bar, never have pickup sex with a stunningly attractive woman wearing all black attire who pops up out of nowhere & seems interested in a bottom feeding social dullard like you.

[–] PopperTheKungFu-Dragon 11 years ago

LMAO huck. Best post so far especially #19

[–] huckfunn 11 years ago

LMAO huck. Best post so far especially #19

Hey, Popper ... thanks much for the compliment. I am especially honored because there are a lot of really funny entries.

"Martha Washington was a hip, hip, hip lady, man."