"How big you say them titties were?"
"Damita, I thought you was gonna play wit my frog?"
"I thought I told you to stay outta my sh*t, now she is my sh*t!"
A true friend stabs you in the front
-Oscar Wilde
Mine:
Duncan's Dad: Honey, have you ever wondered about our son's sexual preference?
Duncan's Mom: I didn't know he had one!
[they start laughing together]
Prostitute: What the *beep* are you doing?
Johnny: I'm gonna kill a bunch of people.
"Let's make bacon!"
"wait a minute.... what are YOU lookin at?!"
"you heard the nerd! you heard the nerd!"