Things I Learned From 'Above the Law'

There's a similar thread on the "Commando" board, and it's hysterical. This classic slice of Reagan-era cheese ought to be just as educational.

1) If you're the hero, you never age at all, even over a period of 20 years. And when you're 22 years old, you'll look like you're 40, but you'll stop aging after that.

2) The best way to train someone in Aikido is to repeatedly beat the hell out of them and then *not* explain what you just did.

3) The CIA ran the Vietnam War, secretly controls the government, and can get to anyone at any time, but they can't look up your address in the phone book to find out where you live.

4) CIA assassins receive absolutely no training in marksmanship or hand-to-hand combat.

5) There are no legal consequences for kidnapping a federal agent, stealing his pants, and making him jump into Lake Michigan.

6) When you're jumping through a plate glass window, there's plenty of time to change your shoes.

7) In a shootout, if you have a choice between going for a gun or throwing your shoe at your opponent, the shoe is never the smart choice.

8) When the CIA plans to kill a US Senator, they have to bring in a sleazy local bar owner... seriously, does anyone understand what that guy from the bar was doing there at the end?

9) Plastic ties are a great way to restrain someone. And if you're tied down with them, you can rip right through them without cutting yourself.

10) Anyone can be a movie star.

Anything else?