Things you'll never hear 'From Beyond' characters say

Comedy thread, modeled after posts elsewhere:


Crawford(upon seeing the basement monster): Oh my God! It's a giant garbage bag with teeth!

Crawford: My God Edward what have you become?
Praetorious: Your guess is as good as mine.

Crawford: My God Edward what have you become?
Praetorious: I have no idea. One minute I'm the mad scientist of the hour and the next I'm a refuge from Stan Winston's creature shop.

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: So you're really a half-man, half-wrinkled slimey whatchamacallit?

Praetorious: We are the most powerful being in the universe!
Crawford: First off, you're using the wrong pronoun. Second, that's a pretty big assumption: have you met every being in the universe?

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: So you're really that? God that must suck!

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: You mean like your true inner self? That? I knew you were a pervert but God in Heaven! I don't even want to know what goes on in that twisted mind of yours! Ever!

Crawford: Catherine don't go near him, that forehead might attack you!

Catherine: What are you going to do to me?
Praetorious: I...I don't know. I didn't think I'd get this far.

Praetorious: You whore!
Catherine: Great. I'm being lectured on decency by a sex-crazed BDSM pervert.

Praetorious: Look at me, I can peel my face off!
Crawford: Awesome!

Bubba(when the bugs attack him): Oh sure pick on the black guy!

Bubba(to Praetorious): I'm not afraid of you! In my youth I took on the living dead!

Praetorious: When you are transformed you'll see the world as you've never seen it before.
Crawford: You mean bright colors and hallunciations? I see those all the time! You don't need a mutation for that.

Bubba: Oh, that flashlight is shining on me. I think I'm just going to stand here and see where the bugs are going with this.(bugs start eating him) Ok well ouch then.

Crawford(upon seeing the basement monster): We're about to eaten by rejects from the Dune movie.

Praetorious(upon Crawford's reaction to his partially-altered form): What's wrong with my face? Sure my hair is all aging 80's rock band-ish, my teeth are somewhat sharp, and half my face looks like melted candle wax but other than that...

Crawford: Edward you fool! You were never that good at getting women and that was before you changed? What in God's name makes you think looking like THAT will help you pick up chicks?

Crawford(upon seeing Praetorious's freaky-haired self): It looks like Doc's spent way much time in the DeLorean again.


All of these were made up by me except for the Bubba flashlight joke which is from the "Future War" episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000".