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Things you'll never hear 'From Beyond' characters say


Comedy thread, modeled after posts elsewhere:


Crawford(upon seeing the basement monster): Oh my God! It's a giant garbage bag with teeth!

Crawford: My God Edward what have you become?
Praetorious: Your guess is as good as mine.

Crawford: My God Edward what have you become?
Praetorious: I have no idea. One minute I'm the mad scientist of the hour and the next I'm a refuge from Stan Winston's creature shop.

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: So you're really a half-man, half-wrinkled slimey whatchamacallit?

Praetorious: We are the most powerful being in the universe!
Crawford: First off, you're using the wrong pronoun. Second, that's a pretty big assumption: have you met every being in the universe?

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: So you're really that? God that must suck!

Crawford:...what have you become?
Praetorious: Myself.
Crawford: You mean like your true inner self? That? I knew you were a pervert but God in Heaven! I don't even want to know what goes on in that twisted mind of yours! Ever!

Crawford: Catherine don't go near him, that forehead might attack you!

Catherine: What are you going to do to me?
Praetorious: I...I don't know. I didn't think I'd get this far.

Praetorious: You whore!
Catherine: Great. I'm being lectured on decency by a sex-crazed BDSM pervert.

Praetorious: Look at me, I can peel my face off!
Crawford: Awesome!

Bubba(when the bugs attack him): Oh sure pick on the black guy!

Bubba(to Praetorious): I'm not afraid of you! In my youth I took on the living dead!

Praetorious: When you are transformed you'll see the world as you've never seen it before.
Crawford: You mean bright colors and hallunciations? I see those all the time! You don't need a mutation for that.

Bubba: Oh, that flashlight is shining on me. I think I'm just going to stand here and see where the bugs are going with this.(bugs start eating him) Ok well ouch then.

Crawford(upon seeing the basement monster): We're about to eaten by rejects from the Dune movie.

Praetorious(upon Crawford's reaction to his partially-altered form): What's wrong with my face? Sure my hair is all aging 80's rock band-ish, my teeth are somewhat sharp, and half my face looks like melted candle wax but other than that...

Crawford: Edward you fool! You were never that good at getting women and that was before you changed? What in God's name makes you think looking like THAT will help you pick up chicks?

Crawford(upon seeing Praetorious's freaky-haired self): It looks like Doc's spent way much time in the DeLorean again.


All of these were made up by me except for the Bubba flashlight joke which is from the "Future War" episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000".






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Dr. Praetorious(to Crawford): Shouldn't you be somewhere else? Hunting down evil spirits and Michael J. Fox? Trying to take over the Alpha Quadrant alongside the Dominion? Or attempting to become some sort of re-animator?

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"When there is no more room in the Oven,
the Bread will walk the Earth."

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Crawford: My God Edward what have you become?
Praetorious: Latex.

Praetorious: When you are transformed you'll see the world as you've never seen it before.
Crawford: You steal the secret of life and death, and here you are trysting with a bubble-headed coed. You're not even a second-rate scientist!

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Bubba: Oh no! The flashlight is now pointing at me, perhaps I should, get out the way.

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Pretorius: You are evolving into a being that has never existed before.

Crawford: You don't think it makes us look like a couple of d!ckheads though do you?

Pretorius: No! The chicks'll dig it. Double her pleasure!

Crawfords: You don't reckon being a big sweaty pile of wax will put them off then?

Pretorius: Charm my boy, how do you think I got the ladies before?

Crawford: I always thought you paid them.

Pretorius: Damn!...............................................It's a fair cop.

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Catherine: Oooooowh! This outfit really chaffs. Anyone got any talcum powder?

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Bubba to Pretorius: "Freeze!!! Put your tentacles in the air.

Bubba: "How about the hard-on on that guy?"
Dr Katherine: "He`ll probably thought you were John Shaft."

Bubba: "How can you EAT after that?"
Dr Katherine: "Thats easy. Just look (eats up). See?"
Bubba "Oh!"

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Crawford(to Praetorious): Didn't I just see you in "Slither"?

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Crawford(to Praetorious): So you were the one hiding in Mark Wahlberg's pants at the end of 'Boogie Nights'.

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Bubba (points to mirror): Is that really you?
Catherine: I don't know...
Bubba: Too late to reconsider now, Bee-yach!

I know a$sholes grow on trees but I'm here to trim the leaves

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Dr. Praetorious: Years from now Japanese are going to make adult cartoons out of us.
Crawford: You think?

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Bubba(as he is being eaten): "ARGH! Night of the living bugs!!!"

"You're from the 60s! Peace love dope! Back, back to the 60s! No place for you in the future!"

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Catherine: Praetorius was a genius!
Crawford: Sure he takes all the credit but who was working on "his" Resonator while he was standing around in his bath robe! That pompous plagiarist!

"We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?" - Norman Bates

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Praetorius (in a "Doctor Strangelove" voice, pointing to Catherine's explosive device): "She has Zee Bomb!"

"Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!"
Weird Al Yankovic, "Amish Paradise"

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