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So what have we learned From 'Time Bandits'??

posted 17 years ago by ExplorerDS6789
36 replies | jump to latest

Here are a few noteworthy lessons this fantastic motion picture has taught us:

- You should first see the movie before narrating its trailer
- If a gang of strange little men find their way into your room and think you're God, don't ruin the illusion by asking them in a kid's voice, "who are you?"
- Plastic is the ultimate fashion statement, as well as upholstery design
- Kevin's father hates noise
- "Your Money or Your Life" seems to air at a different time every night
- Capetown is NOT a film star
- One is not a good number to start on. Always start at three
- Napoleon gets his kicks watching little things hitting each other
- Napoleon keeps his right hand in his coat to cover up the fact it's really made of gold
- According to Napoleon, history is full of short people
- Vincent must have fruit!
- You don't know if something is meant to be eaten until you've eaten it.
- Being a robber helps pay the rent
- Four-foot-one is how long Strutter's been a robber
- Robin Hood's men treated the poor by giving them money and belting them thereafter
- Og hasn't had an idea for thousands of years
- Horseflesh is not dead, he just joined the "Dark Side"
- Magic tricks are something kings are not supposed to do
- Evil was around long before good. One can only wonder what it was called before it had something with which to compare
- If the king adopts a foreign boy he only met the day before, chances are the queen is going to be very unhappy
- Nobody in ancient Greece found it unusual that Kevin can take photographs of them with a camera that wasn't invented for another thousand years
- There were pineapples in ancient Greece
- Agamemnon still rules the city, despite what the queen may think
- Those guys with the gold face masks are perverts
- Greece is the lowest standard of living in Europe
- Caviar can be vomit inducing
- Tickets for the Titanic apparently do not tell you to abandon ship before the ice berg strikes
- Time traveling dwarves and little boys are immune to hypothermia
- Ogres are not free of back problems
- Robert is definitely smarter than he looks
- Bottomless chasms have not only bottoms but back walls as well
- God looks very different in person than He does by spiritual vision
- Evil all has to do with free will
- The Supreme Being cannot give a direct answer to any question
- Being dead is no excuse for laying off work
- This IS the best the Supreme Being can do
- The best place to put evil is into a post box
- Even after centuries, Vincent and Pansy still can't get it right
- The ocean is so damn, damn wet
- The Most Fabulous Object in the World is an early 1980s kitchen
- If you see something, you don't know what it is, and your kid tells you it's evil, DON'T TOUCH IT!

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

oh my god, I am not even kidding when I say that this list is the funniest thing ever!! That is great work my man, you are quite funny!

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[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

I'm glad you liked it, only I think maybe I made it a bit too long so there's very little to add to it.

Oh wait, I've thought of a few more:

- Robin Hood thinks 'Ke' is a jolly nice name
- Some of Robin Hood's men can speak English with strangers, but never with their leader
- A warning to any and all of Vincent and Pansy's future as well as past ancestors: beware of falling little people
- These ARE the sort of people the Supreme Being allows to steal His map
- When speaking to a guy who just disintegrated one of his henchmen, it's a good idea not to be a wise-a$$
- 'S.S. Titanic' was the ship's full monnicker

Anybody else care to distribute?

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

HAHA, these are great! please keep them coming! This is one of my more favorite movies ever and I am trying to contribute and come up with some, but I guess I am not that witty! haha, keep them coming though!

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[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

I really can't think of more, other than:

- For not going in after the blender, Trevor is not even half a man
- If two people explode in broad daylight, nobody, not even firemen will find it unusual
- Mrs. Ogre's foot powder is made from real feet
- If you travel through time and wind up on a luxury cruise ship, make sure it's not the Titanic
- A gang of entertaining strangers can walk up and take the king's treasure, as well as his crown, and nobody, let alone his majesty, will object
- The Supreme Being is not entirely dim
- When the Supreme Being loses control, it's all turned down to evolution
- Robin Hood's men were apparently also interested in stealing beggar's cups, blind ladies' teeth, and childrens' toys, despite what legends say about them helping the above folks. Apparently it's rubbish
- The poor don't have two pennies to rub together, hence their title
- Only Og finds Napoleon interesting
- Throughout history, each one of Vincent's descendants will be stricken with a vague, undisclosed, and humiliating condition

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

more gems!!!

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[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

I am watching it now...how about these.

- Kevin's father, along with not liking noise, does not like the lights on.
- If it doesn’t sound like him, or look like him…then it isn’t him.
- Being 5'1 and the conqueror of Italy is not bad at all.
- Heroes know nothing about a days work.

Kinda lame I know compared to yours, but I am trying! ha! Hopefully as I watch it I will come up with more...

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[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

"- Kevin's father, along with not liking noise, does not like the lights on."

That reminds me: he's somehow able to tell from in his cushy plastic-covered chair downstairs whether or not a light is on upstairs.

"- If it doesn’t sound like him, or look like him…then it isn’t him.
- Being 5'1 and the conqueror of Italy is not bad at all."

Pretty good.

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

Thanks!! I am trying! God I love this movie...Kevin just used the sleeping potion on the Giant. The Fortress of Ultimate Darkness here we come!

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[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

Oh, and:

- Maid Marion was a man

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

and...

- Flash lights in England produce a perfect circle of light on objects they are shined on.

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[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

"- Flash lights in England produce a perfect circle of light on objects they are shined on."

Er....what other shape is it supposed to be?

Let's see about these:

- Aside from technology, Evil loves toys, seeing as how he has giant Lego blocks and a chess board in his fortress
- A two-speed hedgecutter can sound superior to an oven that cooks in 8 seconds
- When they agreed no leader, apparently they didn't ALL agree
- Miles of rope can be made from only a short section of larger rope
- As a side-lining career, Wally and Strutter are amateur acrobats
- When snatching a map from a dangerous, evil madman whose back is momentarily turned, it's a good idea to take time to fold the map neatly
- Napoleon's army should heed this advice when executing people: 'if at first you don't suceed, try, try again.' (in the movie, the same group of people are executed twice)
- Kings aren't the only ones with money
- The same skeleton seems to follow the gang wherever they go
- "We robbed a man then fled 500 years before he was even born" is a good court defense
- When on the Titanic, if you ask for ice, you're only asking for trouble
- Evil is infact 'unmakeable' and did not make himself, but don't let him tell you otherwise...or rather YOU don't tell HIM otherwise

I think I've about milked the poor movie dry.

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

well when you use a flash light it does not make a perfect of light unless you are about 6 inches from the object you shining it on...the light spreads out at least a little bit but on Kevins dresser thing it was a perfect circle of light. That is all, I always found that funny. Go try it, stand about 10 feet away from an object and use a flash light, you will not get a perfect circle of light...it will just light up the area you pointing it at. Sorry, just thought it was a good one.

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[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

- At some point in time, a spaghetti strainer was appropiate to wear as a hat.

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[–] arm_monkey 17 years ago

Its not THAT good idea to make beans into peas

[–] ExplorerDS6789 17 years ago

Or,

'You are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence' can be considered a compliment.

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

HAHA, love that one Matt...great work!!

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[–] pacificboy 17 years ago

One drop of concentrated evil can turn you into a hermit crab.
Everyone's got something odd about them.
To be quite frank, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect.
Invisible barriers *hurt*.
The inside of an ox corpse is a nasty place to eat fresh fruit from.
When offered, eat the rat. It might be the last meal you get.
Old ladies aren't always what they seem.
Those three people entertaining you may in fact be six people entertaining you.
Bit parts in Terry Gilliam movies can be followed by Oscar recognition 20 years later.
All you owe is apologies.

"My brain rebelled, and insisted on applying logic where it was not welcome."

[–] John_Locke_03 17 years ago

To be quite frank, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect

haha, i love this one!! awesome

Arrested Development Fans - There are dozens of us! Dozens!

[–] Charley_says 17 years ago

Well not only did I learn that a twelve year old boy is taller than a bunch of dwarfs but he's also smarter than them!

"Only religion makes good people do evil things!"

[–] laslopaniflex 17 years ago

You have to eat your dinner... then wait for it to go down...

Kevin can tell when his dinner has gone down.

Kevin doesn't know anything.

It must have been a brilliant battle.

"What are you, some kind of doomsday machine, boy?"

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] BitchinCamaro 17 years ago

- Pansy has an enormous--

[–] MTRodaba2468 17 years ago

I learned that having the child protagonist's parents explode make the best endings for family films.
---
#1 Wee Man Fan
http://mtrodaba2468.dvdaf.com

[–] D_vd_B 17 years ago

-Evil guys in all fantasy movies have their fortresses designed by the same architect
-Everybody in each period on every place talks English...except the english farmers that aid Robin Hood

[–] ExplorerDS6789 16 years ago

- Creation is non-union
- The best place for concentrated evil is a post box...so he can be mailed back to Hell, I guess. (Different variation on an already existing entry)
- A horse jumping is apparently more audible than six little people shouting, firing guns and running about, not to mention the appearance of God.
- It's possible to fully cook something in 8 seconds.
- They always crack in the end
- Robin Hood is in a position to judge people
- There exist people who find quail's eyeballs appetizing
- There won't be a Baxi Brazilia IV

[–] DocumentaryAddict 14 years ago

- The mask you wore after killing a man is a perfect gift for a child who just fell out of the sky.

- Robin Hood not only gave to the poor, he also bruised them quite a bit.

- Despite being in the middle of a barren dessert, Troy had a steady supply of fruit, freah water and food.

- King Agamemnon of Troy had a heavy Scottish accent.

- No one thought it was odd that Kevin had a camera and flashbulbs, no matter what place in time they were in.

- Pansy doesn't mind marrying a man with a thing on the end of his nose, but a toupee is too much and nulls the deal.

[–] DocumentaryAddict 14 years ago

- A small animal skull can not only break an invisble barrier, it can make a hole in it so big you could fly a 747 through it.

- Evil can turn a man into an animal, make a whirlpool in the ocean and fight off attacks by any army. He cannot, however, walk out of the castle doors.

- Kevin doesn't mind (or even notice) a lit cigar burning his scalp.

- "Ke" is a jolly-good name.

[–] ExplorerDS6789 11 years ago

The history books were grossly inaccurate.

[–] Officer_Aggro 16 years ago

When his men stand on either side of him, Napoleon feels like he's at the bottom of a bloody well.

[–] am_buglet_82 15 years ago

-They agreed on no leaders, right?....so everyone shut up and do what Randall says!

-Amanda

"She will remember your heart when men are fairy tales in storybooks written by rabbits"

[–] JohnnyH73 14 years ago

Can't believe nobody mentioned this one:

"So that's what an invisible barrier looks like." Now we all know.

Also, being heaved in the ocean is good for bad backs.

[–] John_Locke_03 14 years ago

And this one...

-Shut up, evil speaks rhetorically.

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] GStulak 10 years ago

Vincent doesn't have to wear the special, anymore.
Kevin is bigger than any of us.
Randall only talks to the boss.
They always crack in the end.
Robin Hood has been robbing for years, but never something like that.
Yes, it is absolutely necessary.
Never talk to Evil like that again!
When Evil understands computers he will be the Supreme Being.
Evil would have started with lasers, 8 o'clock, day one.
Babylon is a city of legendary wealth.
There are two holes, which one...which one?? NOT THAT ONE! (Who hasn't been there, right guys!) ;)
They make a great team, don't they?!

[–] Mandingo609 9 years ago

-Apparently, Wally is very Photogenic.

[–] urrutiap (1085) 5 months ago

I learn something new from Time Bandits

Pansy has an enormous clit probably when trying to tell her husband there's nothing wrong with someone having something weird about them