my two favorite are-
allan: I wonder if she ever had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night?
Allan: What are you doing this Saturday?
Woman: Committing suicide.
Allan: what about Friday?
so hilarious, woody allen is such a great actor/filmmaker
"She wants to go skiing down the mountain laughing like an idiot"
Linda: "I was watching the news, did you hear another Oakland woman was raped"
Allan: "I was nowhere NEAR Oakland!"
Allan: "If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life."
Linda: "That's beautiful!"
Allan: "It's from Casablanca. I waited my whole life to say it"
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"We're divorced two weeks, she dating a NAZI!"
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"SILENCE when you speak to an Officer!" Spike Milligan.
Dick : Alan the world is full of eligible women.
Alan : Yeah, but not like Nancy, she was a lovely thing. I used to lay in bed and watch her sleep. Once in a while she'd wake up and catch me...she'd let out a scream....
The United terminal, that's a nice terminal. I threw up there once.
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I love these, among many more:
"I used to get headaches, now I just get tremendous cold sores."
"Tell her she died in a massive mineshaft explosion."
"I have red hair and fair skin. I don't tan, I stroke."
sharemy favorite is when allen is getting prepared to meet his date, and when she finally comes into his apartment. she gets introduced to allen, and allen responds by raising his hand and making this noise that i cant really explain but it was the most hilariously awkard sound i've ever heard. he was trying to say hi and it just came out terribly wrong. i had a good laugh.
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On the dance floor scene during the weekend road trip with his freinds:
(These lines aren't exact, please bear with me)
"Come on Allen, just go up to her and say something."
Allen then slides up to the beautiful and almost untouchable blonde dancing alone while concentrating on his dance steps.
"One, Two, One, Two, One, Two..."
After not getting a response, he drifts back to Keaton when she realizes that he didn't really say anything, she encourages him to go back and try again, then he says,
"Three, Four, Three, Four, Three, Four..."
It's not exactly a quote but I love when Allen says "lean on me, baby, lean on me" and then he steps into the plant. Oh! And the bit with the dog barking at him lol He's so clumsy, gotta love him
Listen to the colour of your dreams
All of those and this:
Allan - This is a beautiful beach house
Linda - Thank you.
Allan - Yeah, let's burn it down for the insurance money.
I love how he says it without any hesitation..
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Woody to Diane: Do you want a Fresca and a Darvon?
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That scene where he's trying to seduce Keaton is hilarious..
"Allan your hand is trembling!"
"Thats because you're near.."
"Pardon me?"
"Tell her that!"
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When Dick says: Last night Linda said something in her sleep about having an affair.
Allan: Did she say any names???
Dick: She said yours, when I asked her about it she said it must have been a nightmare.
That made me crack up.
Ha, now I have to watch it again to see that..great line
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- My lawyer will call your lawyer.
- I don't have a lawyer, let him call my doctor.
Dick Christie coping with hypochondriacs Allan and Linda:
DICK: The two of you should get married and move into a hospital.....Could I get a Coke with nothing in it?
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Allan pounces on Linda. The table lamp crashes to the floor:
LINDA: Allan, I'll pay for the lamp!
ALLAN: It's alright, I think I love you.
LINDA: No, no, I insist on paying for the lamp!
ALLAN: Forget the lamp!
LINDA: I'm so clumsy! Allan, will you please take ten dollars?
ALLAN: Will you forget the damn lamp?! (small pause) Give me five dollars, we'll call it even.
"You have the most...eyes I've ever seen!"
"I'm short enough and ugly enough to make it on my own!"
"It doesn't really do anything...It's just a skunk."
I also loved the entire scene when Sharon comes over to meet him. The best bit is when he leans on the back of the chair all nonchalantly and ends up tipping it over and landing on his face.
I get the feeling you're violating somebody's basic human rights here...
I also loved the entire scene when Sharon comes over to meet him. The best bit is when he leans on the back of the chair all nonchalantly and ends up tipping it over and landing on his face.
This scene is probably my favorite scene in the whole movie...
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It's hilarious when Linda runs away after Allan's kissed her and he yells "i was kidding! I was kidding, you are my platonic friend!" It cracks me up every time.
Also, Allan's face watching Casablanca is incredibly funny.
This has to be one of the best Woody's lines ever:
"I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own."
And you were so right, Woody!
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"It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness, the predicament of man forced to live in a barren godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation forming a useless bleak straight jacket in a black absurd cosmos."
Best line ever.
I detest cheap sentiment.
What are you doing saturday night?
Committing suicide.
How about friday night...