MovieChat Forums > The Birds (1963) Discussion > Simple solution: tennis rackets

Simple solution: tennis rackets


I could kill/cripple hundreds of attacking birds with a tennis racket in just a few minutes. Each swing would put a couple/few birds out of commission if they were swarming close together like in the movie.

It's ridiculous that no one thought to arm himself with a tennis racket. Someone mentioned guns, but they wouldn't be very effective against swarming/attacking birds. If they'd had tennis rackets, the biggest problem would have been the fun of sending asshole birds sailing a couple hundred feet with every swing, being over too quickly.

About 21 years ago a bat got into my house and my very first thought was to get my tennis racket, not my gun. I found where it had landed in the kitchen and I stood there about 10 feet away waiting for it to make its move. It decided to fly directly at my face, and I treated it like a volley at net. It was dead before it hit the floor.

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Excuse me, but I think you are using this post as an excuse to brag about your tennis ability at the net. "...I treated it like a volley at the net. It was dead before it hit the floor."

If you and four or five other people were in that situation, even if you were all armed with tennis rackets and strong tennis ability, you'd still be pecked to death. There were just too many birds. It wasn't a single bat. Hundreds of birds now on the defensive due to the swatting of tennis rackets would overpower you and your compadres.

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"Excuse me"

Did you break wind?

"but I think you are using this post as an excuse to brag about your tennis ability at the net."

No, Miss Cleo, I'm terrible at net and hardly ever go there, but a bird (or a bat) flying directly at you is a lot easier to volley than a tennis ball that's been hit hard and could be far to your right, far to your left, anywhere in between, or lobbed over your head.

"...I treated it like a volley at the net. It was dead before it hit the floor."

Yes, that's what I said, and it was indeed dead before it hit the floor, because it didn't even twitch. I assume its neck was broken.

"If you and four or five other people were in that situation, even if you were all armed with tennis rackets and strong tennis ability, you'd still be pecked to death."

You don't know what you're talking about, and you don't even need "strong tennis ability." Any able-bodied person can swing a tennis racket at a swarm of birds, and hit several of them with each swing until they're thinned out. Also, you thinking that being "pecked to death" by birds of that size is even plausible means you're not very well acquainted with reality. Whatever wounds they could inflict would be superficial.

"There were just too many birds."

No, there weren't. The closer they're swarmed together, the more of them you can take out with each swing of a tennis racket, and that would thin them out quickly.

"It wasn't a single bat."

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

"Hundreds of birds now on the defensive due to the swatting of tennis rackets would overpower you and your compadres."

Uh huh. You drastically overestimate the pecking power of crows, most of which weigh less than a pound. If their bites were poisonous that would be a completely different story, but with their bites being minor, you could take a lot of bites before it would meaningfully affect your ability to swat them off of you as well as hit them out of the air with a tennis racket.

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It seems like you are desperately wanting to prove your ability to use a tennis racket as a weapon as well as your ability to sustain multiple peck wounds from birds. I am sure there is a reality TV show these days that could fashion just that scenario and an audience that would like to see you endeavor to do it. I, however, am not interested.

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"It seems like you are desperately wanting to prove your ability to use a tennis racket as a weapon"

Your second laughable attempt at a crystal ball reading is dismissed, Miss Cleo. Also, this is a Reading Deficiency Alert for you. Again:

"[...] you don't even need 'strong tennis ability.' Any able-bodied person can swing a tennis racket at a swarm of birds"

If not for your inability to read properly, you would know I'm talking about any able-bodied person, not only me. There is nothing even remotely difficult about swinging a tennis racket into a swarm of birds.

"as well as your ability to sustain multiple peck wounds from birds."

~Anyone can sustain multiple superficial wounds, obviously.

"I am sure there is a reality TV show these days that could fashion just that scenario and an audience that would like to see you endeavor to do it. I, however, am not interested."

No; animal rights activists would have a conniption, and if it were allowed to happen, it would be boring, because a few hundred little birds aren't even close to being a fair match for several adults armed with tennis rackets. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

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Instead of using the idiom "shooting fish in a barrel," MaximRecoil, you should replace it with 'like swatting birds with a tennis racket.' After all, it's so obvious; everyone will understand your intent when you say it in everyday life.

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"Instead of using the idiom "shooting fish in a barrel," MaximRecoil, you should replace it with 'like swatting birds with a tennis racket.' After all, it's so obvious; everyone will understand your intent when you say it in everyday life."

No; it lacks context and it's not an established saying with a well-known meaning.

Swatting birds with a tennis racket isn't easy to do under normal circumstances, because they will fly away before you can get close enough to hit them. On the other hand, birds that are attacking you in swarms (which is what's being discussed here, obviously) are very easy to hit with a tennis racket, because no matter where you swing at a swarm of birds you're going to hit some of them, just like no matter where you shoot at or in a barrel packed tightly to the brim with dead fish, you're going to hit some of them.

Being hit by a hard swing of a tennis racket is devastating to a small bird (or bat). In nearly every case it will be either lethal or crippling.

How long do you think it takes to swing a tennis racket? It takes less than a second but let's say it takes a whole second and let's say you kill or cripple 2 birds per swing. That's 120 birds out of action per minute, per person. If there are 6 people that's 720 birds out of action per minute. On the other hand, how many adult people do you think little birds can kill or cripple in one minute? Zero, obviously.

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Shooting fish in a barrel is equally remote to me. I never understood it. For example, you mentioned the fish in the barrel are dead. I never imagined someone shooting at already dead fish.

Nonetheless, your response proves just how obsessed you are with this idea. You've put entirely too much thought into killing birds with tennis rackets. Also, one other thing that occurred to me - the tennis rackets that would have been available to the cast in 1963 were not the same as rackets produced in the '80's and beyond. Do you really think the wooden frame and strings could have held up against birds (as opposed to rubber balls). I think the birds would have broken the strings, and then you'd have nothing with which to bludgeon the other birds. I don't think tennis rackets are a solution for any time if posed with a situation like this, but I especially don't think rackets would have sufficed in 1963.

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"Shooting fish in a barrel is equally remote to me. I never understood it. For example, you mentioned the fish in the barrel are dead. I never imagined someone shooting at already dead fish."

It is just an example of something that's easy to do, not an example of something that people commonly did. Fish used to be packed tightly in barrels with salt to preserve them:

The traditional method of preserving these fish involves arranging them in a barrel as soon as they are caught, alternating layers of fish with layers of salt. At regular intervals the barrels are flipped upside down and rolled to ensure that the salt is distributed evenly and that the fish cure properly.

When the saying originated everyone knew what "fish in a barrel" referred to, and that it would be very easy to shoot fish in a barrel if someone wanted to. A similar saying is, "[...] as easy as falling off a log." That doesn't mean anyone actually wants to fall off a log, it just means it's easy to do.

"Nonetheless, your response proves just how obsessed you are with this idea."

Your laughable attempt to redefine the word "obsessed" is dismissed. I made exactly one post about it 3 months ago, then you came along and started an argument about it, and if someone wants to argue about something I've said, I'm always up for it, regardless of the topic.

"You've put entirely too much thought into killing birds with tennis rackets."

It obviously requires "too much thought" for a simpleton, but for someone who has even a basic grasp of how things work in general, it requires very little thought, in the same way that arguing with you requires very little thought.

"Also, one other thing that occurred to me - the tennis rackets that would have been available to the cast in 1963 were not the same as rackets produced in the '80's and beyond."

So? They were more than sufficient for killing small birds.

"Do you really think the wooden frame and strings could have held up against birds (as opposed to rubber balls)."

Of course they would.

"I think the birds would have broken the strings, and then you'd have nothing with which to bludgeon the other birds."

You obviously know nothing about tennis rackets (which is ironic, given that you're trying to argue about them). Tennis racket strings are very tough and so are wooden tennis rackets. Björn Borg used to string his wooden rackets at 80 pounds of tension (and that was with natural gut, which isn't as strong as cheap nylon strings, which have been around since the 1950s). I've had a stringing machine for 29 years and I have many tennis rackets, most of which I strung myself, including a classic Davis wooden one, which I strung at 60 pounds with Prince nylon string. The idea that hitting crows would break the strings and/or the racket itself is utterly absurd.

"I don't think tennis rackets are a solution for any time if posed with a situation like this, but I especially don't think rackets would have sufficed in 1963."

It doesn't matter what you think, since you've repeatedly demonstrated that you don't know what you're talking about.

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There is no way you could defend yourself against that many birds with a tennis racket.

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Your mere gainsaying is dismissed, and since you have no arguments of any kind, your tacit concession is noted. Your tenuous grasp of reality is also noted.

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A flamethrower would be better

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Yes, but where are they going to get a flamethrower on short notice? Tennis rackets are far more common / easy to obtain.

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Can of aerosol spray and a lighter does the trick

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That's not even in the same league as a real flame thrower (drastically smaller flame/distance):

Aerosol can flamethrower - https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a5/Lieutenant_Bailey_demonstrates_the_spray_can_flamethrower.jpg

Real flamethrower - https://i.imgur.com/le3zxcy.jpeg

Plus, unless you rig up something like Lieutenant Bailey did in that picture above (which wouldn't even work for long in the movie scenario because all those flapping wings plus having to move it around quickly to stay on target would quickly blow out that candle flame), an aerosol can flamethrower requires you to use both your hands, and it would be best to have one hand free to swat any birds off that manage to land on your face.

I would take a tennis racket over an aerosol can flamethrower, but I'd take a real flamethrower over anything, which is the ultimate man-portable defense against any creature that walks or flies. Even if e.g., T. rexes and pterodactyls were still around, a real flamethrower would easily stop them. The problem would be finding one on short notice.

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You were swarmed by 100 birds your arms would quickly grow tried from trying to swing a racket, meanwhile twenty others are trying to peck your eyes out, and also pecking holes in your flesh until you collapse from exhaustion. You can modify a lighter to make a crackhead flame that won’t blow out either

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"You were swarmed by 100 birds your arms would quickly grow tried from trying to swing a racket"

Just a minute of swinging at the slow pace of 1 swing per second, and the conservative estimate of 2 birds killed or crippled per swing, would take 120 birds out of action in just 1 minute, and that's just 1 person. Any able-bodied adult can swing a tennis racket 60 times in a minute without collapsing from exhaustion.

"meanwhile twenty others are trying to peck your eyes out"

20 of them can't even fit on your face; not even close. And that's what your free hand is for, to swat them off your face. You could also get some safety goggles, available at any hardware store.

"and also pecking holes in your flesh"

That's minor. They'd be lucky to even get through ordinary clothing, let alone heavy clothing like denim, without continually pecking/biting at the same spot.

"You can modify a lighter to make a crackhead flame that won’t blow out either "

If you're talking about disposable lighters (e.g., Bic), they didn't exist until the early 1970s. And any open flame type lighter can blow out if you wave it around fast enough, which you'd be doing with birds coming from all directions. And both of your hands would be required unless you rigged up some sort of contraption to attach the lighter to the can, and have fun fiddling with that to get it re-lit when it inevitably blows out while you're being swarmed by birds. Also, each can typically only contains 12 or 16 ounces of fuel, and the flame is tiny compared to a real flamethrower.

I'd take a tennis racket over a spray can flamethrower without hesitation.

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Buddy you’re not just swinging a racket, you’re swinging and trying to hit multiple animals divebombing you in all directions while being slowly pecked to death and losing blood. You’re not even guaranteed to cripple a bird with a racket either, it’s a pretty ineffective and lightweight weapon. The birds would keep coming and not give up ever. You’re just wasting energy, with a flamethrower you can light each one on fire and they will quickly leave and catch others on fire too. I could easily rig a homemade one like this in my garage https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26hpNa_zeaY


And take out hundreds of birds while you’re lying dead in the street

Btw, zippos are wind proof too

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"Buddy you’re not just swinging a racket, you’re swinging and trying to hit multiple animals "

Multiple small animals.

"divebombing you in all directions while being slowly pecked to death and losing blood."

"Pecked to death"? The only risk of death in this situation would be from untreated infection days later, and the amount of blood loss would be trivial, especially in the short time it would take to thin out or eliminate 100 birds; way less than a pint, which is the amount that people routinely give at blood drives.

"You’re not even guaranteed to cripple a bird with a racket either, it’s a pretty ineffective and lightweight weapon."

You have no idea what you're talking about. The bat I hit with a tennis racket was dead before it hit the floor (broken neck most likely; it never even twitched once it hit the floor), and that wasn't even a hard/full swing; it was a short "volley" type swing, meaning the racket was positioned vertically near my face and when the bat flew directly at me I swung forward and down at it (no backswing); my hand only traveled about a foot or less in the swing. A tennis racket is a devastating weapon against small airborne critters.

"The birds would keep coming and not give up ever."

Dead and crippled birds can't do that, obviously.

"You’re just wasting energy"

Obviously not.

"with a flamethrower you can light each one on fire"

An aerosol can and a lighter isn't a real flamethrower. I've already linked to a picture of the very small flame they produce.

"and they will quickly leave and catch others on fire too."

They won't be catching other birds on fire. The ones hit with fire will be on the ground, dead or nearly dead, while the other birds will be in the air or on you.

"I could easily rig a homemade one like this in my garage https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26hpNa_zeaY";

Now you're trying to move the goalpost. That's not even close to the "can of aerosol spray and a lighter" that you originally specified. Also, did you even watch the video that you linked to? There's a major problem with that setup. See 10:58 where he says, "Alright, it's already out of pressure," i.e., it only works for a few seconds before it doesn't have enough pressure to work anymore. On top of that, I don't believe for a second that you would intuitively know how to make one of those, and you can't exactly go to YouTube in 1963 to find out. Not that it matters though, since its few seconds of usability isn't enough to get the job done.

"And take out hundreds of birds while you’re lying dead in the street"

Uh huh. See above.

"Btw, zippos are wind proof too"

Spoken like someone who has never used a Zippo, or hasn't used one very much. They aren't "wind proof;" that's just a marketing term. They are wind resistant. Their flame can be blown out, plus, in strong wind they are difficult to light because the fuel vapors are being rapidly blown away from the spark. I have several Zippos and have used one daily since the early 1990s. Either way, even if you can manage to keep your pilot flame lit, you will have either a too-small flame if using an aerosol can, or a flame that only lasts for a few seconds if you somehow managed to build the fire extinguisher flamethrower in 1963 without access to YouTube to teach you how.

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MaximRecoil is right. With a tennis racket, including one from the early 1960s, any normal person could do a lot of damage to a flock of birds, even crows or seagulls. It would at least make it possible to run from a house to a car. The very superficial wounds made by birds pecking wouldn't have much effect on an adrenalized person. Add a leather jacket, a helmet or sturdy hat, and glasses or goggles, and you could make a lot of progress against them. When other birds saw birds being knocked down by the racket, many of them would fly away.

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This is the most brilliant and at the same time most childishly useless internet discussion I have ever read.
I would like to thank the topic starter for his self-importance and entertainment talent.

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Your tacit request to redefine the terms "childishly" and "self-importance" is denied. As for "useless," all discussions about movies on internet forums are useless, obviously, and your post is especially useless, since it isn't even on-topic.

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Your usage of the words "dismissed" and "denied" makes me think you're judge, MaximRecoil. However, the judges and justices I have met in person speak and write in everyday parlance when they are not on the bench or authoring judicial opinions. In any event, aside from liscarkat, it looks like your having defend your tennis racket theory against multiple other members than me.

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"In any event, aside from liscarkat, it looks like your having defend your tennis racket theory against multiple other members than me."

I don't have to do any such thing, and as for "multiple other members than [you]" being out of touch with reality, what of it? People who have a weak grasp of knowing how things work in general, e.g., not knowing how long it takes to swing a tennis racket, not knowing how much effort it takes, not knowing what kind of effect it would have when swung into a swarm of small birds, not knowing how strong tennis racket strings are, not knowing how strong wooden tennis rackets are, not knowing how superficial peck/bite wounds are from a little bird, and so on, are common as dirt. After all, the average IQ is only 100, and someone with an IQ of 100 isn't exactly the fastest horse in the stable.

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I agree with you on the "childishly useless' score, JSCC. I've just been f|_|cking with Maxim at this point just to see how voluminous his essay will be at the briefest of comments from me.

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So in other words, you're trolling someone for kicks.

Oh, and that you won't type "fucking" shows what a raging pussy you are in addition to being a troll.

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"I've just been f|_|cking with Maxim at this point just to see how voluminous his essay will be at the briefest of comments from me."

That's a classic; like a kid who takes a pratfall and then tells everyone, "I meant to do that!"

In any case, since you're fresh out of arguments (not that you had any valid ones to begin with), your tacit concession is noted.

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Not fresh out of arguments. I already made my point, and it's been echoed by other members of Moviechat.org. Is your name Charles? I swear everything you say reminds me of an opposing counsel (named Charles) I encountered on a case I litigated few years ago. He was easily the most insufferable person I had ever met - next to you (unless you're one and the same person.)

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"Not fresh out of arguments."

Your obviously false assertion is dismissed.

"I already made my point"

You never made a single valid point. Every "point" you tried to make was easily refuted.

"and it's been echoed by other members of Moviechat.org."

Your appeal to popularity fallacy is dismissed.

"Is your name Charles? I swear everything you say reminds me of an opposing counsel (named Charles) I encountered on a case I litigated few years ago. He was easily the most insufferable person I had ever met - next to you (unless you're one and the same person.)"

Your non sequitur is dismissed, and since you're still fresh out of arguments, your tacit concession remains noted.

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All you'd really need for protection is a motorcycle helmet with a closed visor, a thick leather jacket and gloves, and a few layers of thick snow clothes underneath.

Yes, it would be rather easy to defend yourself against flocks of birds if you were prepared with some rudimentary equipment, tennis racket included. That isn't the point of the film though or what makes it frightening. The Birds is an endearing film because of the terrifying thought of nature revolting against humanity without warning, creating fear and killing or maiming people who took their supremacy and unassailability for granted.

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"All you'd really need for protection is a motorcycle helmet with a closed visor, a thick leather jacket and gloves, and a few layers of thick snow clothes underneath."

No need for the thick snow clothes underneath; a crow isn't getting through leather, and probably not even the type of denim that's used for e.g., Levi's jeans and jean jackets.

When I was a kid my older sister had a common parakeet that would sometimes perch on your finger and sometimes try to bite your finger instead. I soon discovered that it couldn't actually bite very hard, and I'd just leave my finger in there and let it try to bite for as long as it wanted. It could never even break the skin, nor did it hurt.

Of course, a crow is bigger than a common parakeet and can bite harder. It can break unprotected skin, but it could only inflict superficial wounds (though they could become serious due to infection later on if not properly treated). The chances of it getting through denim without being afforded the opportunity to sit there and keep pecking at the same spot for a spell are slim to none, and forget about it getting through leather in any reasonable amount of time.

"Yes, it would be rather easy to defend yourself against flocks of birds if you were prepared with some rudimentary equipment, tennis racket included."

Not just "tennis racket included," but "tennis racket especially." I can't think of any other common item that would work anywhere near as well to kill and cripple attacking birds. Tennis rackets are specifically designed to hit a moving object out of the air, and unlike e.g., a baseball bat (which is designed for the same thing), it's designed to easily hit the airborne object with a great deal of control. A standard wooden tennis racket has 65 square inches of head area, so swinging it into a swarm of birds will put a couple/few of them out of commission with each swing.

"That isn't the point of the film though or what makes it frightening. The Birds is an endearing film because of the terrifying thought of nature revolting against humanity without warning, creating fear and killing or maiming people who took their supremacy and unassailability for granted."

I don't find it frightening, but if frightening is the goal, making the threat believable (verisimilitude) is a step in the right direction. That scene where the woman walks into the room full of birds and just stands there and succumbs to them is especially ridiculous. If I remember right, even the actress thought that scene was ridiculous.

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Someone mentioned guns, but they wouldn't be very effective against swarming/attacking birds.


Actually, guns would be very effective on "swarming" birds. A 12-gauge shotgun would drop several with one shot.

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"Actually, guns would be very effective on "swarming" birds. A 12-gauge shotgun would drop several with one shot."

Only within a certain distance range. If they are swarming so close to you that they're actually landing all over you, a gun of any type is next to useless.

On top of that, 12-gauge shells are quite large and therefore ammunition capacity is quite low. A typical pump-action or semi-automatic 12-gauge shotgun holds 4 or 5 rounds (2¾" shells) in the magazine plus one in the chamber. There are combat/riot type shotguns that have extended-length magazine tubes so they can hold a few more (7+1 or 8+1 usually), but that's still not a lot, and I'm not sure if any of those even existed in 1963. I know they were around in the 1980s at least, but I don't know when they first became a thing. Even the old US military shotguns like the Winchester model 1897 trench gun, Winchester Model 12 trench gun, Ithaca Model 37 trench gun, etc., all had the typical 4+1 or 5+1 capacity that sporting-type shotguns have.

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