What did you tonker-bozoinkers watch this week? (10/22-10/28)

I stumbled upon IT on TV a few months ago and the scene I saw (I think they were sitting at a table and opening a box with strange things or having hallucinations or something) surprised me by how good it looked so I ordered the DVD online a few weeks after. It’s right there on my desk and I keep pushing it back, but I should watch it soon.

U-571: this is one of those movies where I feel like I had a dozen chances to watch it, but never did. (rented, recorded it, could’ve purchase it for cheap)

Lost city of Z is on my Tubi list.

Stigmata (1999)
Mothers mean the best, but sometimes they shouldn’t gift us rosaries bought by shady street merchants containing the angry spirit of a disgruntled Catholic priest in hiding from the Vatican… So Frankie has stigmatas galore to deal with, along with a leaky roof. Good thing she has the help of the OG Hot Priest, Father Andrew (well, I guess the OG Hot Priest would be the guy from Thorn Birds, but you catch my drift). This film has all of the editings, transitions, cuts, jumps, slow-mos, like ever. Soundtrack is SOOOOO 1999. Enrico Colantoni made a CHOICE with that accent. Features Pope Francis, back in his Cardinal years, in a very prominent role (I can’t be the only one that thinks Pope Francis and Jonathan Pryce look very alike). 13 year old me thought this movie was the coolest back in the day, now… idk. It is very much a film fully of its era style-wise - the editing, the music, the costumes. I think I like the second half of it better now, with the conspiracy to maintain the status quo of the Church and not make known to the world the supposedly containing the true words of Christ texts. All the stigmata things are a little dated now in terms of how they were edited/shot/etc. imo. Rating - 4 bleeding wounds and kiss from a priest.

The Hot Flashes (2013)
Beth f*cked up with some paperwork, and now has to assemble a ragtag team of middle-aged, menopausal women to help raise money for the towns mobile mammogram unit, by playing 3 games of basketball against a bunch of teen girls. Gift of gabs, obstacles and overcoming insecurities happen. This almost fell into the Hallmark TV Movie category, but managed to stay just above the line. Except for Eric Robert’s performance, that was pure TV Movie acting. Surprisingly well known cast, typical underdog sports thing movie story. It was fun for the most part, perfectly serviceable, but not great by any means. Still, I had a good time and I’m not mad I saw it. Rating – Ladies, go for your annual check-up.

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Becky (2020) SK recommendation
Turns out I _could_ take Kevin James, and so could Becky! Nazies break out of a prison, and invade Becky and Dad’s holiday home looking for a very important Macguffin that does… something. Who cares, a 13 year old girl takes them all out. This is perfect evidence that girls mature faster than boys. I imagined it would have a lighter tone. I liked the second half more, the first was too family drama, surly teen for my liking, and probably killing off Joel McHale helped lol. Lulu Wilson was great in the role, and Kevin James wasn’t half bad. Also, wtf is happening on this movie’s board here? Gross.

The Wrath Of Becky (2023) I recommended this to myself
The Becky Returns. And this time she has trained and prepared to deal with any Nazi life throws her way. She has traps, backpacks, weapons, a boiler suit. She. Is. Prepared. So when plot happens, she goes to stalk a group of would be insurgents, and takes them out, again, one by one. The Macguffin returns, still no idea what it does. This stars Seann William Scott as the main bad guy (kinda), and honestly, much better than Kevin James. Lighter tone, they didn’t make a carbon copy of the first one. Some more fun things in terms of presentation were added. Liked it more than the first one, by a mile.

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Vicious Fun (2020) davodikum recommendation
Joel accidentally crashes a serial killer support sesh. Like AA, but for murderers, and they don’t actually want to quit. Good thing Carrie is there to save Joel’s ass, cuz she’s a murderer’s murder see. Carnage ensues, cops are dumb, fun times are had. Evan Marsh was a liiiiiittle too goofy for my liking, did not like his performance one bit. In contrast, Ari Millen gives us the full Canadian Psycho (wink, wink). Maan, he’s great, I loved him in Orphan Black as well. Julian Richings is always great. Is it like a law in Canada that he must be in any horror thing? Because I would support a law like that. Amber Goldfarb as Carrie was standard tough hot chick, very pretty though. I’m a sucker for neon and synths, no complains on that front. Over all, I enjoyed it.

The Tunnel (2011)
A news crew goes into the tunnels under Sydney so investigate just what the hell is happening down there with the homeless people going missing, and a new water recycling plan being scrapped. Turns out there’s something down there, and it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is. I’m not much of a fan of the Dumb Woman getting everybody killed trope, but besides that, it was a solid faux-cumentary/found footage movie. It took its time setting everything up, it was tense, the performances I thought were good and believable for the most part. Rating – Boo!

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The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976)
Rynn is new in town, having moved there with her poet dad, who is nowhere to be found when someone comes to call. And, boy, do a lot of people come by that house bothering her! But it’s okay, she’s armed with enough cyanide and almond cookies to help deal with all of them, permanently. She’s also 13, the age when girls turn to murder, apparently. Erm, almost turned it off after the very creepy, uncomfortable first scene when we’re introduced to Frank, the town’s pedo. But, I stuck with it, and it was an interesting watch. Great performances by all, Martin Sheen was the creepiest creep that ever creeped. Again, very distinct soundtrack, very 70s, not funky, just… that goofy music they used to have, majority of it didn’t fit the tone imo. Aanyway, ye, didn’t think the nude scene that was supposed to be 13 year old Foster was needed, at all, but overall good. 4/7 Child Predators.

The Thing (1982) when you google The Thing 1982 Google does … a thing

There was a Carpenter thread last week and I had a craving.

It was the first goddamned week of winter when Sweden declared war on the US Antarctic research station. Some voodoo bullshit happens, things get a warmed up a little, and trust becomes hard to come by. I meeean, it’s The Thing, it’s awesome; there isn’t a line of dialogue that isn’t endlessly quotable; a shot that isn’t masterfully set up; a performance that isn’t amazing. And because I have a shitty memory, every time I watch it I don’t know who’s the thing and who’s not. Rating - Watch it

Both MC recommendations star Robert Maillet, three out of all movies feature a detached eyeball in some form, and two are about killer 13 year olds.

I should hire an editor.

Barbarian: I hope I will be able to watch it with another eye next time but for now, just OK. 6.5/10

See you soon my friend.

Excuses, excuses…

But seriously though, hope you feel better.

Cheers

What are your thoughts about Hatchet?