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insemination and responsibility (please avoid if offended)

posted 3 years ago by 123Guy (7845)
24 replies | jump to latest

Warning now: this post involves things of a sexual nature.
The intention is not to offend or cause fights, but to create discussion of an interesting topic. And there is zero politics in this. Only societal stuff.

If insemination, women's and men's rights, and sexual stuff bothers you,
PLEASE PLEASE don't read any further and leave this discussion for those that may find it interesting. Thank you.

Carry on, if interested....

So, this conundrum hit me:

If a guy and gal have consensual sex, and she becomes pregnant (and here is where my known law ignorance comes in!) I presume he is now legally and financially responsible for a baby (assume no abortion).

If a gal chooses on her own to get artificially inseminated desiring to be a single mother, with some selected sperm, the baby is solely her legal and financial responsibility. They don't track down the donor and force him to be legally responsible. Far as I know.

With the above equation, COULD a gal legally CHOOSE to have consensual sex, informing the guy, she just wants to become pregnant (same as insemination) but NOT have him be legally and financially responsible for the coming baby?

Do you see what I am saying? Any legal hurdles to that?

[–] 102000 (6350) 3 years ago

Not sure what the point would be to do that and why would any man agree?

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

so, if the concept is exactly the same - girl choosing to get pregnant to be a single mother (same as getting sperm inseminated) - yet she wants to have a little fun with it, why would the guy be on the hook after that?

Additionally, he could donate separately, she could select him from the choices... how would that be any different?

I'm sort of making a point, and sort of asking from ignorance... maybe they both signed legal intent/consent forms, then have their fun, would he NEVER be held accountable to support the baby? I mean, SHE wants to be a single mom (has money and confidence to make it work)

this is all a hypothetical situation

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

I wouldn't trust that kind of scenario without some serious legal counseling. At the very least I think there would have to be some kind of binding contract to cover all parties.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

I agree, but, it is the same thing right? girl makes conscious choice - he donates via sex OR sperm bank

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

I think that there is some standard contract when someone works with an artificial insemination clinic but as to the same contract covering both situations is questionable but I'm sure they'd be relatively close.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

That's the thing, insemination is a legal minefield, and the placement of the mines are slightly different in every jurisdiction.

There have been cases where mothers came after the biological fathers for back child support when the child was a good size, and cases where biological fathers demanded shared or primary custody after they'd agreed not to be involved, and I've heard that informal sperm donations are on the decline because of the legal potentialities. Everything I've heard has been anecdotal, of course, but what I have heard is that lesbians and single women are now more likely to go to sperm banks than to ask someone they know to help out. Back in the day, it was common for lesbian couples who wanted to be mothers to ask a gay male friend to help out, and he'd agree because it might be his only chance to reproduce. But now, all parties are much more aware of what could go wrong and they're going for safer options. Mainly, sperm banks.

These days nobody should even think about it without legal advice and signed contractual agreements, but even that may not be enough to prevent future complications.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

I know what you're talking about from stories that have been passed around and I agree that it would be crazy to even go in with a simple understanding between two consenting adults. I'd like to think by now someone has worked out some legal paperwork that is pretty air tight but if anyone has it's likely an insemination clinic. Probably better off for all parties involved on several levels.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

It is kind of a shame, because IMHO given that everyone involved is sane, it's in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with however many parents they have. And relationships with grandparents and cousins and whoever else might be part of their extended family, because you never know who is going to have a positive effect on a child's growth. I really don't think that being under the sole control of one or two parents is ideal for children, but of course, that's exactly what a lot of parents want most.

That said, if I'd ever wanted to reproduce, I'd probably choose a sperm bank too! There is no greater expression of trust in another person than to breed with them, and even people who have been married for years can find that even though they thought they knew everything about their partner, breeding with them still turned out to be a bad idea... so yeah, breeding with someone you don't know well is even riskier, massively risky.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

i have never donated sperm

[–] samoanjoes (58658) 3 years ago

Is it a donation if you're paid like in the US of A?

[–] Keelai (36182) 3 years ago

There could be legal hurdles. Laws are different among countries and within U.S. states. There was an agreement between the sperm donor and mother, but one judge ignored it and made him pay child support, anyway.

It will depend on things like signing away parental rights, involvement in the child's life, relationship with mother, etc.. A good attorney consultation and well-written contract are minimums.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

But it's that even possible? I mean had anyone ever heard of such a deal? Easy to suspect this may have been done often totally private and well never know...

[–] Keelai (36182) 3 years ago

It's been done. Very common among lesbian couples and single women without partners.

I guess there are women donating eggs or carrying babies for gay male couples, too.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

hmmm weird edit covered my full post. i think this will fix it

single women without partners.... that, yes.

does the process of choosing a donor from a book, fact sheet, maybe I photo (i have no clue), sort of short circuit female mate selection process of a girl just SEEING a guy and wanting to mate with him?

would it be better for a girl to go "Ooof! I'd love to grow a kid from THAT hot guy" than select from a menu?
... except for that whole family law crap that forces him to pay for the child... EVEN if the girl didn't want that.

[–] chilone (18338) 3 years ago

If a man impregnates a woman, he has no rights at all. The woman is in full control of everything, including his wallet for at least 18 years. Also, if he wants the child and she doesn't, she can murder it and he can do absolutely nothing.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

hmmmm yeah.... what part of all that is "EQUALITY" again? :D Maybe some women have ideas on how to fix that.

[–] chilone (18338) 3 years ago

Yeah, don't hold your breath.....

[–] BillySlater (4285) 3 years ago

"With the above equation, COULD a gal legally CHOOSE to have consensual sex, informing the guy, she just wants to become pregnant (same as insemination) but NOT have him be legally and financially responsible for the coming baby?"

I know a woman who had who met her sperm donor and he asked her if she wanted to conceive naturally. She is a lesbian and said no, but I am assuming this is legally okay in certain countries. This was in the UK, ftr.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

It never ceases to amaze me, how threatened straight men are by the idea of being responsible with their sperm.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

Never cases to amaze me why people don't comment about the topic they are in.

[–] Redsfan001 (6221) 3 years ago

I would advise her against doing so, and refer her to all the very possible future detrimental effects on her childs development from raising a boy/girl without a positive male role model in their life.

[–] 123Guy (7845) 3 years ago

Advising her is not an option since she doesn't exist as this is just a discussion about ideas only, not anyone's real life.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

Using a sperm donor doesn't mean an absence of a positive male role model in the child's life, there may be a male adoptive father, uncles, grandfather, or friends around.

And keeping the biological father around doesn't guarantee a positive male role model in the child's life either, not all biological fathers are positive role models.