Tales of the stupid.
Gonna tell you a story. A true one. I'm half amused, half disgusted by this.
Most people here in Appalachia are decent enough, but we do have some weird types. There's a family in the next town over who are notorious in this area. I don't think the widowed matriarch has ever been in trouble with the law, but her daughters, adult grandchildren, and extended kin sure have. They seem to live in a hamster-wheel cycle with three phases.
In Phase One, they use drugs and commit property crimes to support their habits. Because they do these crimes while living a druggie's lifestyle, they don't plan them well but instead do them stupidly. So of course they're eventually caught, convicted, and move to Phase Two -- incarceration. After release they move to Phase Three -- praising Jesus and proclaiming they've found the straight and narrow path. During that time they probably don't do drugs. After a while they get bored with Phase Three and move back to Phase One where things start over again.
They don't do these things simultaneously, and each goes through the cycle at her own pace. At any moment, some family members are living la criminale vita, some are guests of the state, and some are polishing the church pews with their derrieres. Judging from their Facebook posts, they seem to all get along with each other. The churchgoing ones don't look down on the others or feel any shame on their behalf, for example, and when one goes off to jail the others seem to accept it as one of those unfortunate things that sometimes happen in life, in the same way you or I would regard canceling a day at the beach because of rain.
Meanwhile, they've got one cousin who is a criminal defense attorney. He's got pretty much a full time practice defending his relatives, presumably in exchange for free meals at Grandma's. I've met him a few times, we're casual acquaintances, but I don't ask questions. He seems happy enough. If it were me, I'd take the law degree and move someplace far, far away.
About twenty years ago he tried to fix me up with his cousin Lisa (not her real name), a daughter of the family matriarch. I politely declined, citing the age difference -- she was then in her early twenties and I was in my late thirties. In reality I was thinking, no way. Nothing but trouble in that clan. I've run into her a few times since then. Small town life is like that. She was certainly cute and still is. So was Casey Anthony.
Naah, that's a cheap shot. Whatever these people are, they're not murderers or even violent. Their crimes are generally low-grade shit. Theft of a few hundred dollars, possession of small amounts of cocaine. You get the idea.
In the fall of 2019, Lisa was sentenced to five years for second degree burglary. I don't think any American con has ever got parole on the first try. But at her second hearing they gave her the thumbs up. A few weeks ago, after serving 21 months of her sentence, she was released. She short-circuited the cycle, though. Within two weeks she had violated her parole, and now she's locked up again.
Wow.