Honest question. What would you think of a person saying “ I don’t want my 4 year old to go to the cemetery for the burial.”
I think it’s none sense but someone is fighting with me about it.
My parents took me when I was 6 and I think that was way too young. Maybe 10 because that would be a good way to teach about life and death.
shareMY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY AT 89...SHE WAS A HUGE PART OF MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE AS SHE LIVED WITH US...MY DAUGHTER WAS FOUR...SHE WENT TO THE FUNERAL...SHE UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING...SHE ALSO BECAME THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY FOR EVERYONE...SHE CALLED OUT "THERE'S MY NANA" WHEN THEY DID THE SLIDESHOW...SHE CORRECTED THE PRIEST SAYING STUFF ABOUT GRANDMA...THE WHOLE FAMILY SPENT THE DAY CRYING AND LAUGHING IN EQUAL PARTS.
sharea four year old is too young. they would just run around. my son was eight when my father died and he understood what was going on and was fine at the funeral.
shareAs long as they can lift a shovel I don't see any issues.
shareIf the child has shown the capability to be well behaved in like situations (such as a church service) then I think it is ok, but if not, you are taking a risk of causing a distraction...you may not be as lucky as Kowalski and what sounds like a lovely, charming story.
But why listen to me? If you Google 'children at a funeral etiquette' there are lots of hits to consult.
Yeah, I'd say the big question is whether or not the child can be trusted to behave itself. If it's going to scream, cry, whine, run around or be noise when inappropriate, or otherwise be a nuisance, then it needs to stay home out of respect for the other mourners.
Because yes, I think that's the important issue here, and not whether or not the funeral will traumatize the child. Children have been exposed to death since the beginning of sentient life, and if someone isn't coming back then the closure of the funeral service might help them process the loss of someone beloved.
A close friend of mine brought his infant son to my mom's memorial service. He did not ask in advance if this was ok. Sure enough, the baby got restless and started crying. To her credit, the mom took him into another room, but I could still hear muffled crying.
I was pretty annoyed (of course I said nothing), but what surprised me is that it didn't bother my sister at all, in fact she said it was nice having a baby there. So go figure.
Age isn’t an issue - the questions you need to ask yourself are: -
1. What is the temperament of the child?
2. What was the child’s relationship with the deceased?
i'll cast my vote in with the people saying 'it depends on the kid.'
my parents left me with a sitter for anything like that until i was 11 or so i'm pretty sure.
i'd say it's likely best to leave him with a sitter and leave that stuff to the adults, but there's no single right answer to something like that, i guess.
If the 4 year old can sit still and be quiet for at least an hour it's fine. I don't think many 4 year olds are able to do that though. Personally I don't think a four year old should be there unless it's a sibling or parent as most do not understand the social setting.
I am in reference to a typical Western funeral too, if this is a funeral where you basically have a fun party and celebrate life/death, bring the kid.