There is so much more to life than procreating, so much more choice for everyone now, than simple getting a mate and breeding. [...] Strong reasons to be in a childless relationship are like any other like security, comfort, regular and safe sexual outlet, happiness, shared interests and activities, mutual support etc.
Sure. Some of those things are better done with a partner, some others are better done single. Depending of what you wanna do, sometimes you could be better with a partner, other times you could better single, it's gonna depend on
what you prioritize. Be aware that comfort, security and shared activities is something which is (much) more important for females than for males.
From a rational self-interest point of view, you could either decide that you'll have it better in a committed relationship, or you could decide that you better keep your options open (which means no committing). Everybody has to make their own educated guess, but as a rule of thumb, once you hit the wall (let's say mid-age), for females committing is more profitable, but for males it's usually the opposite.
There are so many reasons why people get together and pair up. I would like to think there’s some altruism there! Couples can be good for each other!
And... that's the crux of the matter, or as they say in Spanish,
la madre del cordero. Long term commitment is often an altruist and cooperative behavior, which means
you're not deciding based purely in your self-interest.
However, altruism is not an universal rule, it's
a social contract, it's a give and take. People in a community consider the interest of others and not only their own, but of course, they expect to benefit from it too (that's what social contracts are about). Cooperation is one of the foundations of a wealthy and thriving society... which very much broken in modern western societies.
(CONTINUE)
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kukuxu (5409)
4 years ago
(CONTINUE)
In a thriving society, people are usually unselfish and cooperative: everybody benefits. However, modern western societies don't incentive that behavior anymore. When society rewards you not based in how civil and cooperative you are, but based in you having some "victim card", when what you do is irrelevant, you can't expect people to behave in a cooperative or altruistic way, because the social contract that encouraged that behavior is now gone. When you see a problem of lack of commitment in modern societies, that's what caused it.
And it's not gonna change. This type of incentives work long term, and I'm talking a inertia of decades. You start making social experiments, you don't get the full outcome until decades later. Now we're finally getting there.
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OratiaGlake (1259)
4 years ago
Very interesting, lots of good points there, very true. Thank you for discussing with me in an intelligent way - it’s so rare on here!
You didn’t answer my last question though?
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kukuxu (5409)
4 years ago
Regarding your last question, once you freely and officially take charge of a kid, it's the same than a biological kid. Nobody forces you to take charge, but once you do, it's your responsibility. For what matters, that applies to dogs too. I hate people who get a dog, then get a good job in another country and throw the dog to the shelter.
One detail: "officially" is a keyword here. You live with a woman who has a kid from a former partner, that doesn't mean you have adopted the kid (unless you voluntarily do the papers to adopt him, of course). I say it because it seems that in some countries, some judges think that you're responsible no matter you never agreed to it.
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OratiaGlake (1259)
4 years ago
Completely agree with the dog scenario - and any other animal a person gets. I abhor any mistreatment of animals, it’s disgusting.
Oh no, that must be tricky with regards to the assumed official and responsible parent ship of a non biological child like that. Conversely it will affect the other way too: non biological parent gets no access to the child if the relationship with their biological parent ends. A sad situation.
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kukuxu (5409)
4 years ago
Agreed.
And yeah, you invest years of your life raising a kid, you should acquire some rights. The bare minimum should be to be able to stay in touch with him and have the right to see him/her once in a while. I know about it first-hand: the woman who raised me until I was 7-8 years old wasn't my biological mother, and she did a hell of a job. She deserved better.
The problem is all that kind of stuff is barely regulated, and what's regulated is often badly regulated, unfair and arbitrary. And that's a problem in most western countries. It's quite the irony that in the post-divorce era, and after having thousands of graduates in "gender studies" living off taxes, regulations keep being shitty and outdated.
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