Let's say you're online dating one woman but there is another woman online that you're more attracted to and feel would be a better fit or match. What do you say to the one you're not interested in without sounding like a jerk? Or do you "ghost" the one you're not interested in? Seems common these days to ghost but kinda rude.
shareI would never ghost anyone. That's such a jerk thing to do. Have you met either of these women or strictly online?
shareNo. Just strictly online.
shareI guess this is me showing my age, but how do you date if you've never met someone?
shareTrue. So, what do I say to the one I'm not interested in? Would be easier to ghost I guess if I never met the person. Just talked online.
shareI agree with what LauraGrace said below. If you haven't met either one of them yet, keep getting to know them. Wait until you meet.
If you are done, I would just let them know that you don't think things are going to work. It's cliche, but it's better than wondering.
The personality is illusionary.
shareTo ghost is the most un-rude thing you can do in that situation. Saying something is even more rude. Of course, the best option is to keep the commitment to your original choice.
shareHow is something rude? I mean he doesn't have to say I don't find you as attractive as this other woman, but how about, I just don't think this is working out?
shareIt's like saying "it's not you, it's me." It hurts because you know it's not sincere.
But it's not working out, is the truth. Or he's no longer interested. It's the truth. Yeah, it might hurt, but wondering why someone has just suddenly stopped talking to you, that hurts too. Especially because you invest that time into someone and then they don't even respect you enough to tell you it's over.
shareIt is the truth, but it is not sincere. It's like what politicians say. It's diplomatic. Feelings need no diplomacy. We know it's fake. We know it's out of pity. A dumped person need no pity from the dumper.
Telling you it's over is not respecting. It may feel that way from the telling party, but for the recipient it's virtually just the same as not telling anything. That's what I would feel anyway.
As long as it's not sincere, it's nothing. It's fakery and it's actually may be insulting. If you don't want me, just stay off me, get lost. Telling me that you dumped me for reasons unexplained (which is because it must be a selfish reason) is no better than ghosting away. It's even slightly worse because then you feel good about it, because you've told me that you dumped me. Which is adding the irritation to the dumped party.
The only circumstances that telling it's over would be acceptable is when the reason isn't selfish. Like if you got into trouble with the mobs and they're gonna kill him/her so you have to dissapear from your love so they can live. But that doesn't happen every so often. More often than not, it's probably for selfish reasons, like what was in the OP's case... that he fell for another MORE attractive person. It's a dick move, and telling anything is not going to change that.
Breaking up with someone, even if it is someone you've never met, will always cause pain. I don't think that saying that it isn't working out isn't sincere. At least it's closure. I might be different than other people, but I've never actually felt good about dumping someone. It doesn't feel good hurting someone, but isn't it better to end something that needs to end?
I think that ghosting is the most cowardly, selfish way to end something out there. There is no closure, no explanation. The person who has been ghosted is left wondering why? I would much rather know for sure that someone preferred someone else to me, than just being left hanging. That is the worst.
Person ghosting and person falling to other more attractive person are the same. Both are cowardice. Both are dicks. The difference is just one is owning it, one is telling nonsense to feel like he/she's doing the right thing a.k.a. respecting. It's never the right thing and it's obviously not a respectable behaviour.
Like I said, the best option is to stay commited to the one you chose first. However, the world is not ideal, and shit happens. But when shit does happen, it's shit. No amount of "telling" or "respecting" or "closure" would somehow make it not shitty.
Telling "it's over" or "it doesn't work" is also NOT an explanation. A sincere explanation would be like telling that "I fell for another more attractive person. Bye." Because that's the real truth, isn't it? It's not "it doesn't work." What exactly that doesn't work? It's an empty explanation. Like politicians'. It means nothing. That's worse.
I still would rather be told that the someone I might be dating has transferred their affections elsewhere than not know anything at all.
Again, it's closure.
No, it's not empty. It's helpful.
If I'm talking to a Tinder match, and we text for few days, then they start ghosting me, or they block me, and I don't know where things went wrong, I demand and require a reason from them.
Am I ugly? I want to be told I'm ugly. Did I say something weird? I want to be told what I said that's weird. I want constructive criticism. At this point I've already given up on the person as a friend, but I will continue to annoy them online by constantly messaging them through various names and even resorting to blackmail if I have to until I get my answer.
If I ghosted, I keep hounding them until they have to reply back. I don't allow that. And if they block me without giving me a reason, I'll go on another name and ask them why they blocked me.
Usually it goes something like this:
Them: Who's this??
Me: You just blocke me. Why'd you block me? I'd like the reason.
Them: Dude, leave me alone.
Then I have to go on yet another name.
Them: This is??
Me: Let's try this again. Why'd you block me? I'm asking you the reason.
This goes on a few times until they get the hint. I have hundreds of spare names on on my social media to deal with people who block me and ghost me. I annoy them uncontrollably. If someone blocks me, I demand a reason from them, or I don't allow it. People can only block me with my permission, I say. And ghosting isn't simply rude - I don't allow it.
That's exactly why you get blocked. You're annoying.
shareIf you ghost or lie, you're a jerk. If you say "I'm no longer interested", you're not.
shareJust tell the one you don't think the two of you are the right match. Don't mention your seeing or interested in another, then they could feel inadequate. Or you could do what I would do, date them both lol. Until your with someone you are rather certain wants to be exclusive with you, why not have as much fun as possible. Besides, I'm now convinced relationships suck! There so overrated. The thought of having just one person to have sex with the rest of my life or for years to come, just seems stupid. I envision it as one person eating their favorite meal the rest of their life all the time. I would get frustrated with that.
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