No online or movie example seems to fit my situation
Update 3/21/2019
I finally split from my boyfriend. It was super toxic and I am glad I am out, but this conversation is one of the first things I posted to the GBs and is very relevant. This is also how I met dewey.
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The following is the post as it appeared originally, about a year ago
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I just experienced a breakup about 3 weeks ago. We were together for a little over a year, and it's the first real relationship I've had. Neither of us did anything major or said anything really horrible, it just wasn't working.
So far so good right? You can probably relate in some way.
Ok, second round of details: we are both men. We are each around 30 years old. We were saying I love you. We were planning on moving in together. I did the breaking up.
It gets more and more complicated the more I tell, as I'm sure it would with any relationship, but all advice I find online is for straight people, or cheaters, or any number of situations that don't really apply. The main question I have is about remaining friends. The general consensus is to cut off contact and move on, or at least experience a period of no contact and reassess. Only problem is I've already tried this, with him, and we ended up getting back together. We initially dated for six months and split, and that was it, or so I thought.
For six months prior to our year we were apart with no contact. Neither of us are social media people (hence me asking moviechat) so we weren't stalking each other online. After that time I felt a growing fondness, perhaps due to his absence, and we reinitiated contact, but at this time he had moved away. He found his way back to where I live, probably for me but also because he had literally nothing going for him there. I told him I was interested in trying again but only if he found a job (no use trying with a deadbeat.) He very swiftly found a good job and committed to it.
Bottom line is I don't want it to be like before, I don't want to get back together and I do want to be his friend, but since I was the breaker and he the breakee, maybe I am toying with his mind too much. Maybe he's just pining and any contact gives him false hope. On the other hand, if I have no contact, will I predictably get back to the point where missing him makes me rekindle a relationship that I don't want to be in?
I want to be his friend, but I don't want him to forever feel like he's one step away from getting back together. I really want him to move on, and me, but I don't know what to do without at least a little of him.
Same sex couple experience, especially guys, would be much appreciated. Anyone can feel free to respond, but the way guys and especially gay guys are is very specific and not easy to find examples of in media and online advice.
Anyone have successful exes who became friend relationships?