Did I miss an episode where they explained the dynamic there? I like Sam, but she is always so mean to her mother. She usually seems dismissive and annoyed by her presence, but I thought the birthday trip thing was downright cruel. Then the way her mother just scurried away, like she was used to being mistreated by Sam....just made me sad. And sort of pissed.
Does anyone know?
How many episodes how you watched? Is this your first episode? I don't think you can take the dynamic from one single episode. The theme of Better Things seems to be focused on the circle of motherhood. Sam's two older daughters are mean and sometimes unforgivably cruel to her, and Sam herself has told her youngest daughter that she will be mean to Sam when she's older too. However, they have their moments, especially when Sam is able to get through to them as someone who has gone through the same things as they are currently going through. Likewise, Sam is dismissive and annoyed by her mother, who is old and doesn't "get it" (oddly similar to how her girls think of her). But Sam also takes care of her mother, asking Phil about her will and plans when Sam finds her passed out drunk in her garden in the middle of the afternoon and calming Phil when she becomes upset at the thought of cleaning her house.
So really, what Better things is trying to say is: Motherhood. It's thankless and *beep* a lot of the time, and you grow old and irrelevant way too fast. But it's the moments of care and support between hectic life that makes you feel as if it's all worth it.
I have watched all the episodes. I was just wondering if I missed a conversation or something since I occasionally watch while making dinner.
But thank you for taking the time to answer. I totally get what you are saying and you articulated it very well. This was how I understood it as well. I know that this is just a TV show, but it mirrors a few people I know in real life. So I am probably a little bit more invested/bothered by some of the things. I guess that I have never subscribed to the idea that it's OK to be dismissive and cruel to people. Especially the people that you love. I mean just because people do it, does that really make it OK and we should just accept it?
No, you didn't miss any conversations. Usually people talk about Sam's relationship with her daughters, so very rarely is Phil and Sam discussed.
I wouldn't take this show too literally. Better Things has a similar sort of comedy as Louie, which takes aspects of life and exaggerates them in translation of life to a show. Also we're looking at things in Sam's perspective, which will inevitably be biased and exaggerated based on her feelings and views.
I have caught the tension with her mother and her but still... That scene was pretty hard to watch. I was pretty mad at Sam for not just taking her. I see where her oldest daughter gets her selfishness.
shareI agree. I think that's the meanest thing Sam has done and I still don't really get why. It was her birthday; she was obviously looking forward to it and Sam just said, "I can't" without any explanation what-so-ever.
New Buffy Blog:http://oncemorewithextremeprejudice.blogspot.com/
Yeah, I think it was a bit over the top. Having second thoughts and telling her mom before piling into the car that she wasn't feeling good or that something came up would have been less vindictive. The mother would have known it was probably an excuse but it allows her to keep her dignity. Piling into the car, starting to drive, the mom saying the bathing suit fit perfectly and being so excited and then putting the car in park. All seemed so unnecessary.
I'm sorry, but it just made me hope something bad happened to Sam. Just saying "I'm a bad daughter" doesn't make it OK to do that. That isn't punishment enough for the character.
No, we shouldn't.
shareI just came on to post this exact sentiment, but I see others have the same opinion.
I agree, that scene was extremely difficult to watch; cruel is the correct word. I honestly hope it wasn't autobiographical (and, just thinking about it, how sad was it when the mother excitedly said that thing about clipping articles for her daughter?).
If anyone from the show is reading this, let me say, yes, the scene is fiction and not the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, but I will point out that, if the goal was to stimulate the emotions of the viewer in an unpleasant and unentertaining manner, then the show did its job (and maybe I'm a wimp, I don't know).
Not sure, but I have some thoughts about it. I missed a few episodes, but it doesn't seem as if it's been explained, anyway.
There was the episode where Phyl and Sam get drunk together and Phyl talks about her husbands. I got the impression that Phyl wasn't a traditional wife and mother, but maybe a bit bohemian. If she were the feckless sort of mother who's not very maternal, maybe Sam resented that. It also seems as though Phyl is too close for comfort in Sam's life.
My own relationship is similarly strained and probably misunderstood by outsiders. It definitely resonates. I have to limit the time I spend with her, for my own well-being. If you know what that's like, you get it. But some people think it's terrible.
Anyway, as per usual, this show nails a lot of the uncomfortable and painful moments of being a woman. It's genius.
IMO, there is a difference between having a strained relationship and feeling someway about it but still being respectful and then being respectful. She is downright disrespectful to her mother which is the reason her daughters are disrespectful towards her. But there is never an excuse for cruelty towards your mother unless she's done something completely unforgivable and I don't see that in this relationship. I just see a grown woman that gets easily irritated by her mother. Just like her daughters do to her. I have a daughter myself and a few times she's tried to be dismissive it disrespectful towards me. Instead of just sitting back and taking that abuse as Sam tends to do, I've communicated with my daughter about my feelings and asked why she felt the need to act in such a way. This has led to a much better relationship because she understands the consequences of her actions towards me.
Sam acts like her daughters' punching bag and allows them to treat her like *beep* Phil does the same when it comes to Sam, she just takes the abuse. I would NEVER test my mother like that no matter how much she irritates me, it's a matter of respect for the woman that carried and raised you.
I really, really hated that cancelled birthday trip scene. She asked her mother what she wanted; she said "just you, darling." So Sam plans the trip to Santa Barbara, even buys her mother a swimsuit. Phil says she's so excited about going even for just a day. Then Sam just bails. It was staggeringly cruel. No wonder her daughters treat her the way they do when they see her treating her own mother so execrably.
I understand that situation of mom being next door (from my own family) is actually pretty perilous. It's family, and they're just there all the time. Plus Phil seems to have some sort of issues, it seems as if she's an alcoholic, for one. But, again, Sam planned the birthday trip. Jesus, one day to do something to make your mother happy would kill you?
I know the show is slice-of-life dramedy, but I don't understand why Adlon wrote that scene; Sam has been mean to her mother before, but never anything like that, and it seemed out of character for Sam.
I agree. Her character came off like a real sphincter on that one.
But Louis CK has had episodes on Louie about how much his character hates his mother, so now we're being subjected to yet another I Hate MY Mother story line -- z-z-z-z-z. It's boring and disturbing to watch an adult treat an elderly parent this way.
So you don't like your mother, grow the hell up and shut up about it. If you're past your 20s and you're still a horse's ass, it's your fault, not your parents.
I can only go by the show as I am male so I can't directly relate to a mother-daughter relationship, however I can look at how I perceived how my mother was with my grandmother. As such all I could find the humor in most of the scenes with how they related to reflecting a real mother-daughter relationship.
However the birthday trip scene is brutal. There is no humor and is really mean and painful to watch.