I have to wonder, it always looks so easy in the movies but how many people actually do it? Coming from abuse myself, and never having actually left I just have to wonder. Do most people get out?
shareInteresting question; I don't really know the exact statistics. I think there are some people that are able to successfully remove themselves physically from the home where the abuse is taking place, which is the first step, but I believe it is imperative that some type of mental health treatment follows to be able to process and develop healthy skills. Their safety and well-being is of most importance.
shareAnd do people really leave their home early in the US?? Like what percent of young people do that? They make it seem like it's everybody basically-.
shareI don't know the exact numbers. It might vary from one state to the other, but most states provide assistance programs for different populations experiencing abuse, eg. Women, children, elderly, etc.
shareIn terms of leaving home in the US...I would say the percentage is fairly high, I was 18 when I left to go to college and I never lived with my parents again. I think it helped that the character had a skill, it gave her a way out so to speak. Though realistically private dance training, which you need to get to that level is expensive. I think it would be rare for someone wth her upbringing to make it that far. Certainly possible through scholarships and mentors.
I think they had a good opportunity to explain that when she was being interviewed by the journalist... I think this was my biggest problem with the show was how Claire was written. She never seemed to have the love and passion for dance I think her character really required to have gotten to that level, despite her situation.
And after college how did you support yourself?
shareIdeally he got a job in whatever field he went to college for.
But even without that, at least in the US and Canada, there are many areas where working a minimum wage is enough to rent a small apartment or room and cover basic expenses.
I can't comment on the mental aspects of escaping abuse, but physically? The only challenge for an average person is getting your hands on enough money to get to another town/city and live for a month or so. Then apply to the local walmart or whatever and there you go, you're on your own.
I think that would be very depressing for me, I went to university, have a degree, etc, working at the equivalent of a walmart would be a huge shock for me.
shareI was offering a minimum option available to most people, even the uneducated. If you have an education, perhaps you have even better options than what I outlined.
But frankly, now you're making it sound like your own standards are the problem. "Escaping" and living on your own is easy. Escaping from yourself and attachment to a certain lifestyle is not.
I don't think I'm attaching myself to a lifestyle, I admit my family used to have money and I did grow up like that but literally none of that remains now. I do have a degree in photography, which has been useless, I'm trying to restart my career in it again, I'd probably make just as much as working on a store, and I am certainly not trying to keep up with anything, but to me I would not feel good working in such an environment, I would feel very depressed, specially since the wages are so low you can't really afford decent living with it.
shareI'm sorry to hear about your situation. You mention that you have not yet left your situation and from your other comments, it also seems that you are not in the U.S., which country are you living in?
I live in Canada and I'm Canadian, but I also moved to the U.S. for university and stayed for more than a decade before returning to Canada. At the time, many of the American friends I made who were not in university would ask me how I was able to afford university when they weren't. I found it to be an odd question, because I did something that they could have all done, which was to apply for a student loan. It would have been easier for them to do it too, because I had to pay higher "foreign tuition" rates for the same classes they could have taken for cheaper.
I say this because I was young, and although my family situation is not the same as yours, I was able to apply to a foreign university, move to a foreign country, apply for student loans and eventually work. While some of the friends I had said they could not afford school. I couldn't afford it either, that is why I got the loans. They simply weren't willing to take out loans and go into debt.
Using my analogy, and two of my close friends who come from abusive homes, yes, it is possible to leave. Is it as easy as the TV shows and movies? No. but then again, they often don't show the full character background. I'm not sure which country you are living in, but in Canada and the U.S., you are able to take student loans for your education costs (and in Canada they have many grants too) and the private banks will also provide you with a student loan for living expenses as well on the condition that you prove you are a full time student. This is one way to get out of an abusive household.... to get an education loan, a student living expense loan and move out.
Another way would be to contact on of the many abuse victim telephone hotlines they have (at least they have many here and in the U.S.). They would assist you temporarily with shared housing, typically a shelter, and there are many free job training assistance programs, some from the government and some from non-profit organizations. There is even a charity called "Dress for Success" that offers free business suits to women who are starting over like this for the women to wear to job interviews. When I gained some weight years ago I donated my suits that didn't fit me to Dress for Success.
If you are not sure of what options you may have, try checking your government assistance programs. For your well being, I hope you're able to leave your situation. It is not as easy as the movies, but it really is the best thing you can do for your future.
Thank you, yes I am not in the US, I live in Latin America, unfortunately I already went to school and graduated and all that.
shareAre there any assistance programs or non-profit organizations that can help you leave your situation?
shareI actually haven't checked it out, I'm not being physically abused but it's still a nightmare to live with an alcoholic father and a drug addict brother, it's insane lol but I don't know there is anything I can do.
shareSometimes emotional/psychological abuse can be worse than physical abuse. For example, in this show, the father wasn't shown physically abusing the Claire and Bryan, but he was clearly emotionally abusive.
The reason people stay in those situations is because they feel stuck. You just said there isn't anything you can do, but that is untrue. I don't know which Latin American country you are in, but there should be financial assistance from the government, non-profit organizations, and churches... from financial assistance to counselling, there must be some organization that you can call for assistance on how to get started. I'm not saying it is easy, but you should give yourself a chance at a life in a peaceful home. At least start planning, maybe the new year can be a fresh start for you.
There really isn't, you have to pay it all yourself, even if I managed to get a steady income, it wouldn't be enough to live in a decent place.
shareNot everyone can get enough in student loans to pay for tuition, fees, & expenses. My husband got a substantial promotion 1 year before my children graduated. Before that we were barely making ends meet. But, since his income increased and we could not claim his children that he paid a substantial amount to support, my children did not qualify for student aid and could only get $2000/semester in UNSUBSIDIZED student loans. They couldn't get any subsidized loans.
shareI think each story, each life, each situation is different. No one can predict or tell someone else how they should feel and what they could do.
shareI was in an abusive marriage. It was not at all easy to leave and I had support from family. I couldn't imagine trying to leave an abusive family. An abuser's #1 tactic is to isolate you from everyone so they can control you and weaken your support system so you can't leave.
shareI think as the show so brilliantly demonstrates, you still find yourself in other forms of abuse. We are inevitably drawn to that cycle.
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