Is the son too ungrateful to Olive?

Hi Scott,

Welcome to the board!!!

That's really great the way that you say you were able to connect with your mom as AN ADULT.

How did you manage to do it???

Over on the other topic you said living with her was difficult, and that your sister still resents the way that she's treated by her, and still behaves like Christopher does around her???

So if you also had problems with your mom like Chris does, then it would also be interesting to know how you were able to overcome the situation.

Here's the way it looks to me:

Olive's son still BLAMES her for EVERYTHING.

But like OLIVE points out to him during her visit to NY ...

HE'S AN ADULT who also NEVER CALLS HER (during the 4 YEARS that his father is an INVALID in the NURSING HOME).

So HOW can he still BLAME her for EVERYTHING when he's barely seen her since he left home and moved to CA???

Once he's AN ADULT he definitely also still behaves LIKE A CHILD around his mother.

And as a DOCTOR who WARNS her to GET HELP after the attack at the hospital, he also KNOWS she's PRONE to have a relapse of her PSTD (due to her FATHER'S DEATH and the death of O'CASEY), yet there he is MAKING SICK JOKES about O'Casey anyway that TRIGGERS her SYMPTOMS (the VOMITTING, seeing the GREEN APPLE PEALING, etc.)???

So the way that he treats his mom is also SADISTIC.

And she's also making LOTS of EFFORT to be NICE to him like when she says NOTED after he complains that Ann has a name, and says NOTED again to him after he complains again after that.

So as another poster points out OLIVE was also EXTENDING an OLIVE BRANCH to her son, who pretty much also BITES her hand off???

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Anyhow, please tell us MORE about how you were able to overcome your own difficulties with your own family situation.



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Scott-101, the relationship wasn't merely complicated. Someone can be essentially decent and caring, but that essence can be almost completely overwhelmed by a dominant and distorting psychological problem. Olive was evidently emotionally abusive, consistently over many years. That may not be the same as with your mother. It was with mine, and while I worked hard to make the best of that relationship, it was extremely challenging emotionally, with no real change. Chris' rel'p with Olive is much the same. She comes to some awareness of her culpability, with a hint of potential for change, but it's very late in the game, possibly too late.

Is the son too ungrateful to Olive?

It has nothing to do with gratitude. The son is working through some very real painful emotions caused by years of emotional abuse. He grew up without having the freedom to have his own identity and personality because it was always shaped by his mother's moods and angry remarks. Taking time away from her in order to figure out who he is and establishing boundaries with her was the healthiest thing he could do. And really the only way he could heal. Who knows if they can still see each other ... maybe without children around next time ;)

A parent that never acknowledges to their adult child, that he or she wronged them ... makes it pretty hard to have reconciliation. Olive could eventually acknowledge it at the very end of the film, but not to her son. Maybe that was the next step she took. But she is very old and it's super hard for us to change when we're older. What a great film because it mirrors the reality in so many of our lives. Beautiful flawed creatures.

On the show CHRIS exhibits the SAME SYMPTOMS as his mother does and it's probably for this reason:


http://familyofavet.com/secondary_ptsd_children.html

Be on the look out for symptoms of STS in your child and if you notice
any of these behaviors, seek help as soon as possible. Unfortunately, if left untreated,
Secondary PTSD can negatively impact the rest of your child’s life!

Signs & Symptoms of Secondary PTSD to Watch for in Children:

Extreme mood changes, irritability; (Throwing Rocks outside the car at Kevin's house)

<b>Depression and anxiety;

</b>Losing creativity and interest in activities they would typically enjoy;

Loneliness, withdrawal and pulling away;

Acting out more than a child should at their age;

Fighting and trying to harm siblings;

Self-destruction or destruction in property;

Stating or acting as they are to blame for a parent’s PTSD outburst;

Stating or feeling as though a parent no longer cares for or loves them;
(Chris does this when he complains about how she likes Bad Kids more than she does him)

Becoming numb towards family, friends, and things they use to take pleasure in;

Copying a parent’s attitude and actions in an attempt to reconnect with their parent; (Calling Kevin's mom a WACKO like he says OLIVE did)

Attempting to take on more than they should at their age;

Trying to fill the void in the family or a take a parent’s place;

A drop in grades, or failing in school when they use to have strong grades; (His C GRADE on the paper in his English class)

Hard time making new friends and keeping old friends;

Suddenly getting into an unusual amount of trouble and taking place in violent acts.

Those who may experience secondary PTSD are

those people who suffer emotionally through exposure to a traumatized person.

Families and friends of some military veterans are one such group, as they have to deal both with the trauma their loved one went through, and the resultant stress of living with the person and trying to help.


People who come into contact with PTSD sufferers through their work can also develop secondary trauma as a result. These include nurses, doctors and psychiatric personnel, who help the traumatized people after the event, and who may, over time, be exposed to many different people with PTSD.

Shared characteristics between secondary PTSD and PTSD include increased alertness and jumpiness, along with nightmares and an increased tendency to avoid social situations. Like people who suffer from PTSD, those with secondary PTSD may feel less attached to their loved ones, and experience a reduced sense of purpose.

Often, similar diagnoses such as "caretaker stress" display some of the same symptoms but requires different modes of treatment.

Your 2nd sentence sounds like you're excusing her flaws, which is already a sign that she doesn't deserve it. She's not a bad person, just a bad mother.

Olive was right: Chris is dumb. Olive was not a bad parent.

Chris second wife is quite a bitch too...... :-)

She had anger issues made flesh on her; they were part of her. Yes she was a horrible mother sometimes, but she was also a caring and smart one in situations where it counted (like not allowing Chris to be a brat; heck I love that scene when she remembers taking care of baby Chris and putting camphor rub on his chest.

My mother was a little like Olive, I mean if I had ever called a good boy "Trash" she would have slapped my face outta my shoulders too, haha.

But, again, she had some brilliant come ups. I think the best one is her trying to warn Chris that his first wife was no good AT ALL, and damn she was right and probed she knew better that anyone from the beginning!

Now, as a grown man... c'mon, Chris. Yes she was horrible probably most of the time but now you are a grownup, for god sake; I mean he grew up to be a professional and decent man (btw, maybe the character didn't reflect enough depression; cause he stoke to me as a pretty mentally stable guy unlike Kevin Coulson).