MovieChat Forums > Me Before You (2016) Discussion > It's not the movie that disturbs me...

It's not the movie that disturbs me...

posted 8 years ago by jkm2010
30 replies | jump to latest

Hi all,
I'm a 24-year-old woman who has been in a wheelchair my entire life. I always will be. Throughout my life I've had conflicting emotions dealing with that, even considering suicide during a particularly dark period, but ultimately, I get by with pleasant feelings about my life and the people in it.

While I was mildly disturbed by the message that some may take away after watching Me Before You, that life in a wheelchair is not worth living and suicide is most likely the only solution, the thing that really disturbs me is some of the comments I see on this message board and others. I've seen everything from ignorant blanket statements about how people who commit suicide are stupid to crude sexual comments regarding the sex life of the disabled.

First of all, people who commit suicide are not stupid. They're in pain. As a disabled person who has considered suicide to the point that I was hospitalized, I can tell you it's an unimaginable, horrific suffering I would not wish on anyone.

Secondly, on a lighter note, I can't speak for every disabled person on this one, but my sex life is perfectly normal, thank you very much.

The biggest thing I wish to impart on you all is to never be afraid to reach out to someone who's disabled, or anyone. Ask questions, but don't assume things. Acceptance means everything.
-Jamie
-Carry on.-

[–] lorne_a_20014 8 years ago

"Wheelchair confinement" covers everything from relatively mild MS or CP to quadriplegia and locked in syndrome. I assume you still have the use of your upper body and perhaps even some feeling below the waist. This is very different from quadriplegia.

You're also a woman. Obviously the extent of function differs depending on the injury, but for men the ability to have an erection, maintain it and ejaculate is central to male sexuality and is generally limited and in many cases impossible (especially the second two) post injury.

I didn't take the message from the film that life is not worth living with a disability. I took the message from the film that Will didn't consider his life worth living. The euthanasia debate is like the abortion debate - it's complex. I am pretty anti-abortion when it comes to healthy babies, but for something like down syndrome, I think the parents should have that choice. Same thing with euthanasia - I don't want everyone with a degenerative disorder or chronic pain to have immediate access to suicide drugs, but there obviously comes a point where a rational person with a very limited quality of life can decide for themselves.

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

In the end, it should be someone's choice. Abortion, assisted suicide, religion, what to eat for dinner... No one should be allowed to decide that for someone else.

[–] lorne_a_20014 8 years ago

You can't just include all abortion in there because it's different to other situations. You can easily prevent requiring an abortion by preventing becoming pregnant. You cannot easily prevent chronic pain or being a quadriplegic in an accident. A suicide kills only the person doing the suicide, an abortion kills a developing human child.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I agree, when you "abort" a pregnancy, who is there to speak on the unborn child's behalf. No one asked if them if they wanted to live or die. Yes, they are incapable living outside the womb...but still they are the perfect possibility of a life.

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

If I was suddenly incapable of living without being hooked up to your body for 9 months, requiring you to be on best rest, would you do it? Sure if would be super nice if you did, but I could never force you to do it.

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

Abortion is the choice of the woman and if the guy is around him as well. It concerns no one else and is no one else's business.
You can prevent a lifetime of possible misery with just one little pill.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I beg to differ. The baby maybe inside of the woman. But the life she chooses to terminate is NOT her own. She is merely an incubator. It is murder to choose to kill an innocent life who has no say in the matter. Yes, I agree that women who sleep around or simply don't want kids should use measures to prevent pregnancy. But there are many options for pregnant women who don't want to or can't support a baby
They can drop the baby off at firestaion no questions asked and there's always adoption. Give the unborn, innocent life a fighting chance. Who really knows what that life could become.

If you can read this...smile, your mom choose life!

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

It's her and the fathers cells. They don't want to grow those cells that is their choice. Not any of your concern.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

Only a pro choice liberal would refer the miracle of life as growing cells. Sorry You are wrong again. It may be just cells growing but those growing cells have every possibility of becoming a life. Killing a life, even one that is not fully formed is murder.

Speaking in your terms...we are all just grown cells. Killing those cells even if they are not fully developed is still murder. It is still a life that you are terminating...so yeah it IS my concern. Why, because there is no one who will speak on the unborn child's behalf. True the child is incappable of speaking. So if the baby cannot speak for itself...and express it's will to live. Who will?

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

Only a pro-life conservative would scream continuously about the rights of an unborn fetus and then refuse to give social assistance to those struggling single moms who wanted to abort in the first place. Why does life suddenly become so much less valuable to you after birth?

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

Bet they're pro death penalty too. These bible bashing norberts usually are.

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

It is not murder. You cannot murder something that hasn't been born.
And no its none of your business what a woman does with her body, literally none at all and it absolutely disgusts me that people can be such nosey parkers into others business.
Why don't you concern yourself with your own business and leave others alone.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

So you're saying, I could stab a a pregnant chick in the gut a few times. END her pregnancy, patch her back up so she's just fine and just be convicted of assault? Awesome!

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

Esoteric, if I needed to be hooked up to your body for nine months, essentially feeding off all of your nutrients and energy causing you to be on bed rest, would you agree to that? If you would, you would be a very kind soul. But you could say no, because it is your body and your choice. I am more viable as a full grown human than a fetus is, but would you but a fetus before me?

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I think I get what you saying... If the baby was causing actual harm to the mother or putting the mother's life at serious risk. Then no, I would not put the life of the baby above the mothers. As I've stated earlier, The mothers are mere incubators...living ones at that. Vessels the baby uses to receive nutrients, grow and develop until they are capable of surviving outside of the womb. I find that fascinating and a miracle in itself. That there's life inside of a life. To me, it's such a beautiful thing. And for someone to want to "kill" it. Well, it makes me sad.

Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. Yeah, there may be complications on occasion. But you make it sound like a curse. And there is kind of a big difference of a full grown adult "feeding" off you than a little helpless baby.

If you don't want kids. its simple USE protection (I know there's still a slim chance) or don't spread your legs. I am not saying that you do or anyone else. But there are woman out there who use abortion as an excuse to just "whore around".

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

What's the difference? A fetus feeding off of you and a full grown human feeding off of you... One clearly has more value to you and it's not the one that already has a family, children, a career that could be saving lives.

I really don't care what you believe. Abortion is legal and we are on our way to legalizing assisted suicide too. The less say you have in my life the happier I'll be! :)

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I really don't care what you believe.

Sure, that's why you keep replying.

"A career that could be saving lives". A person with this job should, more than anyone else, value life. What makes a life inside of the womb any less valuable to you. The baby's heartbeat starts after 6 weeks of pregnancy. A heartbeat is medical and scientific proof that something is living and alive. Anyone who chooses willfully to END or TERMINATE this unborn life, I label a heartless murderer. Yeah, abortion may be legal and there's really nothing I can do about it other then voice the truth that I believe.

I am actually ok with assisted suicide, for the terminally ill or severely disabled who are suffering non stop with no end or cure in sight as long as they understand what they are doing. I do believe that life is a gift and should be cherished and would rather someone live than choose to end their life. But if there is no quality to their life, only constant pain and suffering and the individual suffering WANTS to end their life than yes. I believe that should be an option for them.

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

You are completely batty what a ridiculous comparison

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

You should have equally as little say in what I put in my body for breakfast as what I take out of my body, whether that be a fetus (please be scientific if you are going to argue pro life; it is not a baby) or my own life.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

You have to call the BABY a fetus to help justify you MURDERING it. If it's not a baby...then you're NOT pregnant. And it's not "my body, my choice" either. That's a sad cop-out to make abortion an acceptable means to end a life. Listen, if it really was your body, you'd be aborting yourself.

And I am all for aiding single moms as long as they don't abuse the help. You know sit on there a$$ all day and except everything to be handed to them. I truly do sympathize with the single moms who are trying and think that they deserve all the help they can get.

And I am also not saying that the mother has to even keep the baby AFTER they are born. There is such a thing as adoption and there are many couples and even individuals who want children that are unable to do so. That can provide a safe loving environment for the baby to grow up in.

I really don't give a sh*t what you have for breakfast, you can starve for all I care. But the Baby, yes the baby, baby, baby, has a right to live. If not with the mother, then with someone who'll love and support it.

And yeah, for the record. I DO support the death penalty. But I never mentioned the bible. I believe that life is a wonderful gift, and a privilege. And those who blatantly abuse that gift in the worse ways, have forfeited their right and privilege to live.

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

Well you answered it all with "you can starve for all I care." :)

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

Yeah I said that to you, because you see no problem at all in ending an innocent life. So yeah, why then would I care if you live or die? If life means nothing to you anyways.

[–] soccertrainy101 8 years ago

Love the compassion & forgiveness.

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I am only compassionate to those who show and deserve it. Anyone who commits abortion is NOT compassionate. As far as forgiveness goes, you have to apologize first.

[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

I'd say the poster was a total hypocrite but that'd be lost on them lol

[–] Esoteric86 8 years ago

I may be many many things. But a hypocrite is not one of them. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Whether you agree or not. And I am sure you don't agree...but that notion is mutual.

[–] nwantee 8 years ago

I totally agree with you...too bad readers only focused on abortion.

[–] usa-mike 8 years ago

you said :"I'm a 24-year-old woman who has been in a wheelchair my entire life. I always will be."

the "I always will be." is disturbing because it means you already let it go, stop hoping !

moreover, you're just 24 yo !! damn it!

well, i can't predict neither forcast the new feature of the medical thing, but i ca assure you, you will quite you whell chair !

in 2016, people managed to make that :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRmoowIN8aY

yes, it is only a dog, but 2 years ago, it was totaly unthinkable ! unpossible !

so, imagine what will come for human in less than 10 years!!!

[–] debmet59-1 8 years ago

I see you've received comments about the fact that since you are a woman, your experience is different than that of a man. I'm not in your situation and obviously not experienced, but those comments reminded me of an excellent movie, Coming Home. Starring Jane Fonda, Jon Voight and Bruce Dern. Jon Voight was terribly injured in Viet Nam. His spinal cord had been severed. There's a love/sexual scene where the woman asks what she can do, could he feel anything. He tells her that the places that he can feel are extra sensitive. We also see and know that there are many things you can do besides intercourse that are very important, intimate and satisfying. The man was actually the first person to satisfy her. I guess there must be many men that think it's all wham, bam, thank you ma'am, but that is not the case at all.

Regarding the comments about suicide. Unless you have been in a situation that you feel will be the only way you can have relief, you can say all kinds of things, but you really don't know what you would do. It is literally a "take a walk in my shoes" situation. I have not experienced physical pain to make me think of suicide, but I had my heart broken and went through a deep clinical depression when my only child was killed. I did not and do not want to ever do this, but there have been many times that I have felt that was my only hope. I have had two times when I took measures to do that. I didn't say a word to anyone and actually felt relief that I would soon be free. The first time my housekeeper came on a day she was not supposed to and the second time I found out that 32 Xanax simply made me sleep a long time. It was not to be and after I was able to think clearly and rationally. This is something that had never entered my mind before Billy died. I'm happy I wasn't successful, but I have to admit I'm very afraid that I may end up doing this on an impulse. I pray that it doesn't happen. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm in a very good place right now. I simply told this because I understand how someone could feel that way.

I wish you good luck and good health. Thank you for sharing.

[–] jkm2010 8 years ago

Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how unbearably painful it must be to lose a child. Unfortunately, I have been in the same state of mind as you once were, and had I not been living with my parents at the time, I would not be here right now.

To clarify some things, I do have cerebral palsy. I have use of my arms, but I have a caregiver, like in the film, to help with daily life tasks. I was able to walk using a walker for short distances as a child, but this became extremely difficult once I hit puberty for some reason, and I also became self-conscious of how I looked while doing it.
-Carry on.-