Bring on the SPOILERS pretty please - Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) Discussion

[–] Volley (3441) 5 years ago

Rey is the granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine, who apparently had sex with an unknown woman just before the Battle of Endor, who then conceived of Rey’s father. Then somewhere along the line, Rey’s father met Rey’s mother, they banged, and then conceived of Rey. Then for some unknown reason, they hid Rey from Emperor Palpatine on the desert planet Jakku—the very planet where the first Galactic Empire was finally defeated just decades earlier.

Palpatine survived Vader’s elevator shaft toss, and his consciousness made its way to the Unknown Regions where cloned bodies and construction of a Sith Fleet were monitored by Palpatine. Palpatine created Snoke and the First Order was his to command.

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[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Chewie shits the pilot's seat just before Rey sits in it.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

The opening crawl states that the emperor is back and has broadcast to the entire universe that he is taking over
Kylo Ren finds a locator device thing and finds him with the intent to kill him but is convinced to find Rey and bring her to the emperor instead
Rey is apparently training with Leia, who we see at some stage in the past fighting Luke with a lightsaber - indicating they she is a Jedi afterall. But Rey is really doing her own thing and just running around the forest for no reason
The resistance freaks out about the emperor but have no idea how to find him. Then Rey realises that 'she can finish what Luke couldn't' because he wasn't smart enough to figure out the texts from the ancient books. They need a sith locator device thing and discover the possible location for one.
Skip a bunch of stuff and they head to a planet of interest where they meet lando
Lando tells them about a ship that belonged to an old sith who was searching for the same thing
They find the ship after some fun with the empire and rocket troopers who "fly now" apparently too
Then they sink underground and find a heap of stuff including a sith dagger that shows the location of the locator they are searching for. 3PO can read it but his programming forbids him from speaking it to them because it's Sith stuff. So the. They go to a different planet/colony to find someone who can reprogram 3PO.
Underground belongs to this huge snake thing that appears to have killed the Sith ages ago too. It is about to kill them when super Rey decides to invent a new force ability to heal the snake after realising it's wounded. The happy snake leaves them alone.
They try to take the Siths old ship but it needs some work. Rey senses Kylo Ren has arrived and decides to do the board room approved super cool flip scene from the trailer ... Which is cheesy. The first order capture Chewy and take him away. Rey tries to use the force to stop the ship with chewy on it from taking off and Kylo tries to stop her.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

She tries too hard and ends up shooting force lightning and blows the ship up. They leave devastated that Chewy is now dead.
They leave to another place overrun with troopers and Poe runs into an old flame. They find a droid technician alien who can force 3PO to spill the beans on the dagger. Oh Rey has a flashback about her parents and Kylo taunts her about it at some stage early in the film.
They are told that getting the info out of 3PO will erase his memory, so he says good bye and they erase him to get the data. The locator is on another moon in the Endor system.
I can't remember when it is but Rey senses chewy is alive and captive on Ren's Star destroyer so they go to rescue him with a pass that Poe's misses gives to them. They get in there and rescue Chewy and Rey and Kylo have a force skype lightsaber fight from 2 different places. It ends with Rey destroying the pedestal that holds Vader's charred helmet so Kylo figures out where they are. They get captured but are freed by Hux who has been leaking then Intel all along. They escape after taking out what seems to be a very gender balanced ship full of troopers.
They go to Endor to find the locator and end up on one of the other moons with the crashed 2nd Death Star. They are greeted by some folks on space horses who are defected troopers which Finn connects to.
The magic dagger is a puzzle but it takes all of 5 seconds for Rey to figure it out and pinpoint the locator thing but its too dangerous to get to the Death Star due to huge waves so they head back to the a camp. Not Rey though as she tackles it and makes it to the ds wreckage.
It becomes clear through visions dialogue that Rey was hidden from Palpatine for some reason and palatine is responsible for the murder of her parents.
Ren tracks her down and they fight but he destroys the locator. The fight ends up outside ala the trailer and Kylo asks Rey to join him so they can kill the emperor and rule together. Leia feels it is time and distracts Kylo mid fight by calling out to him. Rey then skewers him with her Saber and he collapses defeated (again).

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

The small Skype kills Leia for some reason (much like Luke in tlj).
Rey with sympathy uses force heal to fix him and then says she would have joined him if he was Ben and not Kylo. Rey steals his tie fighter and leaves.
Kylo devastated by the loss of his mother has a come to God moment and throws his Saber away. He sees force ghost Han Solo ... Who's hair is weird since there is some kind of CGI going on maybe? Anyway he's not a ghost but a memory apparently and explains that Ben can still do the right thing and help Rey finish what Leia started.
At some stage earlier it is shown that the emperor has thousands of super star destroyers each equipped with a planet killing superweapon. This freaks the resistance out and they claim there is no hope.
Rey realising that with no locator things are hopeless goes to Luke's coward hideout planet in Scotland and destroys the fighter and throws away Luke's Saber in the firey wreck. Luke's force ghost catches it at the last moment and disapproves. He tells her how great Rey is and they she is the final hope and that she can do it. Then makes her realise that Ren had a locator and it's in his ship she just rekt. Needing a ship Luke force raises his X-Wing so Rey can take yet another thing of Luke's to call her own.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

The resistance realise it's the 11th hour and with landos help discover the might of the 'Last Order's Palpatine orders the universe to surrender or be destroyed by his mega fleet. The resistance, down on hope decide to launch an assault ... But have no idea to get there until R2 discovers he can read the signal from Luke's X-Wing from across the universe now. It's Rey and the waypoints tell them how to get to the hidden sith planet.
They have a roundtable powwow about how the super star destroyers can't take off from the planet (fly straight upwards where there are zero obstacles) without a special antenna on the ground. Poe is in command since Leia is gone and makes Finn a general. General Finn decides a ground mission is on the cards for the antenna.
3PO is still reset and doesn't know anyone, he bumps into R2 and introduces himself ... R2 says they are best friends and then loads an old backup he has into his memory. 3PO is back but the backup is a couple of years old so he doesn't remember anything recent (lucky him).
Rey gets to the planet and discovers Palpatine. He is hooked up to all of this life support stuff barely alive. Here it is revealed that Rey is actually Palpatine's granddaughter. He needs her to kill him so he can consume her power and be reborn as the new Lord of the Sith.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

The resistance make it as the destroyers are trying to take off slowly. They fly in towards the antenna that can easily be shot or bombed by fighters but still decide they should land. There is a new admiral for the last order (actually a pretty good bad guy) and he figures out their plan and decides to use the backup antenna on the super duper star destroyer instead. The resistance realise this so they fly up and once again decide to land on the ship for a ground assault ... On space horses ... instead of shooting the antenna that helps the destroyers fly directly upwards.
Rey has it out with the emperor but he convinces her that all of her friends are toast and that if she rebirths him he will spare them. She agrees and frames up to do they bidding.
Meanwhile the resistance are severely outnumbered as tie fighters flock them. Porkins 2.0 is fried thank god and they are toast. They look to Poe for direction who has tried every trick in the book thus far, hopeful that help will arrive.... He is just about to punch out when yeeeehaw Lando and chewy arrive with time magazine's person of the year from 2006 ... YOU! That's right every YouTuber in the galaxy arrives and now there are billions of ships who are no longer scared of the order. They blast the antenna and destroy the super destroyer away.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

Ben turns up, a good guy now and tries to rescue Rey. He runs into the Knights of Ren and takes them on as Palpatine and Rey converse. Rey Skype transfers a light Saber to Ben so he can take the Knights out. Palpatine suckers them in and then overpowers them. Citing they their unique bond hasn't been seen for generations and draining it can restore him instead of going through Rey. He does this and casts Ben down a massive hole to his doom. He then shoots lightning into the sky and disables all of the resistance fighters are they start crashing down after thinking they had won the aerial battle. Rey is down but finds the energy after being told by Luke they she has the power of every Jedi before her. You hear voices from many Jedi in the past telling her this, Windu, Anakin, Yoda etc and she grits her teeth, grabs a Saber and takes on a rejuvenated Palpatine. He force lightnings her but she grabs another Saber and starts to resist, Harry Potter vs Voldemort style. Palpatine quips "I am all the Sith!" Or something similar and Rey looks him in the eye and says "I am Iron Man ... Err I mean I am all the Jedi" then deflects the super force lightning back at Palpatine.
Of course at this point Palpatine is literally frying himself with his own force lightning so he could like just stop shooting it at her but no he doesn't learn it seems and it melts his face and destroys him.
The universe is saved but Rey Palpatine falls over dead after the ordeal. Ben emerges from the hole and comforts her. He tries force heal and it works ... She looks at him lovingly and says "Ben" as they kiss Disney style. The Reylo shippers in the crowd loved it while I laughed out loud at the absurdity... But then was rewarded as Ben died 5 seconds later. Only Rey Palpatine can force heal it seems.

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

With the emperor down all the ships reactivate and They all celebrate across galaxy in literally the same ending as ROTJ.

Rey Palpatine says her thanks and decides to take off to live the rest of her life.

She ends up on.... Tatooine! At Luke's moisture farm house no less ... Because she knows where he grew up now. She decides to take it as her own as well.

A passer by says hello and the asks Rey her name. She says Rey and they ask what her last name is ... (Earlier in the film she was also asked this and she said she didn't have one).

She decides that since she already has Luke's lightsaber, X-Wing, & childhood house that she may as well take his name too. So she decides to identify as Skywalker.

And that's it.

Bits might be out of order but it's the basic gist of it. It's as far from a Star Wars movie as you can get despite having lightsabers, the force, X-Wings, the emperor etc.

Basically Palpatine actually wins. The entire Skywalker bloodline has been destroyed and replaced with his own ........ ?

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[–] footlegger (1468) 5 years ago

Just another proof Jar Jar Abrams can't do "story".

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[–] NotoriousRio (12927) 5 years ago

Wow nice post, I could have watched this shit for free but have no desire to, you saved me lots of time and not having to endure Ridley's bad acting! Thanks!

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[–] Alex (1508) 5 years ago

Holy shit the leaks were true.
It's a DISASTAH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-wvqVVGRDU&t=674s

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[–] triplea (3577) 5 years ago

Yeah the leaks were right, only foiled by reshoots no doubt.

Remember when SW scripts were under lock and key? What on earth is going on at Lucasfilm...

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[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Thanks you saved me the ticket price and waste of my life watching this shit show.

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[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Jarjar Binks is the Emperor's right-hand man in this bizarre Sith cult that we never saw before.

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[–] plusplus (467) 5 years ago

Lando has a bad feeling about this.

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