Having Fun With Lee Harvey

Let's see if we can find out the proof that Lee Harvey Oswald really was the lone nut that he was and have a little fun along the way.

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What people don't know about this whole story is how UNBELIEVABLY guilty Lee Oswald acted after the death of President Kennedy. That part is never discussed in crazy conspiracy literature because it, more than anything else, is the whole essence of the case. The movie "JFK" never talks about it--and if they do, rather, they gloss it over and lie about it. Here is what Lee Oswald did during and after the most notorious crime in the history of the world. Just see if this sounds like some very smart CIA agent, or maybe someone like a "Manchurian Candidate" brainwashed killer. Just see if this seems a little bit like OJ Simpson fleeing in a White Bronco.

Lee Harvey Oswald, a "man" who is absolutely the biggest political aficionado in Dallas works at a building. His whole life up to that point has been a failed attempt to prove to the world that he is smarter than everyone else in it--especially politically. When he moved to New Orleans and created a club (he's the only member) that is involved in more voicing his opinion on politics than anything active. He moves to Russia to show all the capitalists that have bullied and picked on him that communism is better. He tries to get his name in the paper everywhere he goes for his POLITICS. At parties, he talks about politics. At home, he talks about politics. He writes in his dyslexic, crazed, diary about politics. Politics, politics, politics. In fact, we know now he's even tried to kill two political figures at this point in his life (Tricky Dick Milhouse Nixon and General Walker).

That same guy is now working in a building, with the whole world laughing at him--and guess what? The president, the most powerful man in the world, is going to be riding by 100 feet from him. Have you ever seen a president in person? I haven't. A man who loves politics as much as Lee Oswald is going to have JFK drive right by him...and he decides to spend that time alone, in the lunchroom, drinking a Coke? Exsweeze me? That is the line of logic that conspiracy theorists want you to believe. The President routinely speaks in Aspen, about 40 minutes from where I live. I don't go see him. But if he was literally, going to be driving down my street, at lunchtime no less, do you think I'd at least go out and wave to him? Obviously. Oh, but of course, you say, Oswald didn't like Kennedy politically. That's debatable at best and just wrong at worst. And anyway, it's not like political assassins looking to make a name for themselves don't usually just take whatever target of opportunity presents itself or anything. No matter, wouldn't you STILL at least go see what the president is all about if you're a normal person? I can think of no President I disagree with more strongly than Barack Obama. If he was driving down my street, would I not at least go out and wave and show my respect and maybe see what all the fuss was about? Absolutely. Everyone would. Everyone that is, except the suicidal wife beater making $1.25/hour, who loves politics, defected to the Soviet Union, pulled out a gun in the Cuban Embassy in Mexico, threatened to blow up the FBI office in Dallas for bothering his wife who regularly practices with his rifle, told every communist he could about what little secrets he had as a Marine. That guy is going to be eating his lunch when the President drives by. The guy who's actions suggest his classmates probably voted him, "Most Likely to be a Tower Shooter, 1955"...that guy doesn't care at all about what's going on outside.

The shooting occurs. 9/11 and Pearl Harbor have just occurred right outside the building where you work. That happens every day. People are running, women are screaming, you ABSOLUTELY heard shots being fired. If he really was in the lunchroom, he still would have heard it. Men--war veterans--are all crying outside. So, what do you do if you're Lee? Do you wait around see what is going on so that you can tell your estranged wife later and people you know at a party? Do you wait around to maybe tell your kids one day about that crazy day at work when the president went by? Do you wait around and see if you have any more work for the rest of the day? No. No. No and double no. An officer sees you, practically sticks his gun in your ribs and is ready to arrest you but your boss vouches for you and they leave. What do you do then? Well, I can tell you what you would NOT do. You wouldn't flee the scene without asking more questions or finding anything more out. Your boss has just said to you, "The president has been shot". And.........you just take off? What? That actually makes sense to you mouth-breathing conspiracy thinkers? Is your meth pipe hot to the touch?

Just to keep score, out of every person who worked in the building that is now being sealed off as the place where the assassin may still be hiding, Lee Oswald is the ONLY one who isn't there when they take a roll call. He's the only one who leaves Dealey Plaza at all. And he did it in a hurry. Maybe he was missing Price is Right, you don't know. Don't laugh. When As the World Turns is on, I like to leave the world when it's turning right there in front of me if the episode is really good.

As you're leaving a reporter stops you and says, "Jesus, I need a phone now! I'm a reporter and the president has been hit!" You blow him off kind of, and you just take off...because...why exactly? Oswald does what? Thank God he's at least got a plan. For a minute he was looking kind of suspicious. He then gets on a bus, takes it for 100 yards, gets off, and grabs a stopped cab. Why grab a bus for 100 yards? It has nothing at all to do with seeing how much bus fare costs to Mexico. For a man who has $206 to his name cab fare is a very expensive purchase. No mind. Oswald pays and goes back to his home (which is really a 8x12 closet with a bed because being a government spy pays so well clearly). He goes to his rooming house. He changes his clothes. That's not at all the way a murderer who wants to avoid being ID'd as the man at scene of the crime acts. No siree. That's completely normal behavior. He leaves after being there for about 3 minutes. Up to this point it's looking like he might be acting in a manner that...I dunno...maybe...hypothetically...could potentially...be construed as perhaps...what's the word?..."suspicious". Well, it's okay, people make mistakes all the time. I guess it's no big deal. I mean it's not like he stopped and grabbed a gun or anything.

He did what?

Yes, he really did. He says later that, "You know how boys are with guns--I just grabbed it". Oh, that clears things up. God, I was worried you'd have a vague answer, Lee. For a second there it looked kind of like you're a wanted man leaving town!

Now walking towards a bus stop that will ultimately have a stop at the Mexican border, Lee matches the description now going out over the radio of a man wanted in the JFK murder. We won't even get into the fact that he walks right past the scene of the murder of a policeman that later FOUR witnesses ID him as committing. Let's be fair. Let's give the conspiracy crowd every benefit. Four people make mistakes all the time when it comes to what they see when they see a policeman gunned down in broad daylight. Totally honest mistake there, I'll wager. After all, he's got nothing to hide, it's not like he takes his jacket off and throws it under a parked car as he's getting away. When we're all done with our jacket, we just throw it away.

Now, as he's walking around town on his little stroll...can we stop and ask why it's a little odd that he's even walking around for a little stroll anyway? Now, people take walks all the time. That's not really crazy behavior or criminal. When 9/11 was happening and you were watching the reports on CNN as the towers were on fire, you totally just wanted to just get up, grab a gun and go for a walk. Who doesn't think like that on one of the three biggest days in US history a walk is important to take?

It's not at all suspicious either when he stops and looks inside a shoe store in a manner where he turns his head to avoid being seen by the cop cars racing up and down the street. But, hey, poor Lee has had a rough day. He needs to unwind. Like everyone else gathering around radios and televisions, Lee asks "Is he alive?", right? He doesn't? What!? Matter of fact, he cares so much about what has just happened, that he decides to do what you'd normally do in that instance...which is...duh, of course you want to pay to go to the movies! Oh, yeah, that's right! Who doesn't? That's normal behavior. I'm sure you're like me and when you want to go to a movie theater, you just go buy a ticket to a movie and join it in progress, right? You don't say to yourself, "Self, Rambo VII is playing at 12:40 and Dirty Nasty Girls 18 is playing at 12:00, I think if I hurry, I can catch that new Nasty Girls movie--the critics all say it could win Best Picture this year if Iron Man 8 doesn't win". No, you just join it in progress like all of us do.

Thank God Lee Oswald never lost his composure and did something completely weird. He bought a ticket and went to a movie, we all do that.

Bought? Why buy a ticket when you can just sneak past that stupid clerk who is huddled around a radio in tears wondering if her president is going to be okay? That's exactly what Harvey does. (Incidentally, who in poo-perfect hell names their kid Lee Harvey? If you want your kid to grow up to be voted most likely to scale a building with an Uzi, name him Lee Harvey. Lee Harvey? That's the best name this loving fool's mammy came up with? What, was Orville Harold Cleon Redneck III taken? I digress)

Anyway, so, he sneaks into a movie theater. With a gun. After the president is at the hospital with a massive head wound. And cops are racing down the street. After he threw his jacket on the ground. And a cop has just been shot dead up the street a couple hundred yards.

Where was I? Oh, yeah...

That's got to be a hell of a great movie to want to drop everything and go into it. Dirty Nasty Girls 18 was good but it didn't really have that gritty acting that volumes 16 and 17 captured. Actually, it wasn't a porn flick he went to. It was much, much worse. It is bad. Really bad. It was "War is Hell" starring Van Heflin. Van Heflin apparently came in second for: "World's Worst Name" behind "Lee Harvey". It is so bad, if you were going to water-board me or make me watch that movie--I think I'd say, "Well at least water-boarding won't kill me--this movie is 50/50."

Well of course, any one of 19 people who saw something shady Oswald did in that 15 minute period who is now looking for him alerts the police. A shoe salesman leads him into the theater and points him out.

Again, imagine you're Harvey. You have nothing to hide. You went to a movie because you figured work was done for that day. That's honestly what he told police he was doing. But, you have nothing to hide. You forgot to pay for your ticket--big deal. Just pay the $.75 and then you can get back to your awesome movie. They won't mind. That's what you'd do, right?

Here is what Lee does. See if somewhere in this time line of events over the next 45 seconds is something that is the mark of a man who has just committed the most shocking act in American history, maybe killed a policeman, and now figures he's going to die, fry, quit or fly. Maybe something in here will jump out at you:

1. When the lights come on in the theater with 12 other people, he is the only one that jumps up out of his seat. Seeing there are 9 bajillion cops at every exit (cops tend to get a little case of the Chinese Red Anus after one of their own is laying dead in the street with an unsymmetrical, gushy head and four holes in him. They are just weird like that) he thinks better of it and sits back down. But, you aren't worried. You're just a family man. You rub your wedding ring...oh, wait, my bad, he took his wedding ring off and put it in a coffee cup before leaving the house that morning.
2. As a cop approaches him with a gun, and says, "Hey you", Oswald mutters, "Well, this is it".
3. He stands and sucker punches one of them in the face. (Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong now, boy. The joke used to be that in Dallas they didn't know what was worse: killing Kennedy or hitting a cop).
4. In the scuffle he grabs his revolver. That same revolver that boys just take into movie theaters all the time.
5. As they start fighting, he points and pulls the trigger at another cop. Just for the scorecard, that is now the fourth person that Oswald has tried to shoot in just under one hour. Two are dead, one is clinging to life. That's roughly one person every 15 minutes. Ted Bundy thinks you're on a bit of a kill streak here, Leo. When Ted Bundy goes, "That motha-effa is crazy!", that means you're a little bit psychotic.
6. The gun misfires because another officer managed to jam the mechanism.
7. Now being handcuffed, what do you think Lee screams to the crowd of onlookers? I don't know but I can tell you that his actions indicate to me that he is absolutely NOT at all trying to resist arrest so clearly he would NOT say, "I am not resisting arrest!". You can imagine my shock when, like you, I found out for the first time that he screamed, "I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!".

Wait, he does? Oh, Jesus, this is getting good. Well, gosh, you can forgive me if later on in the day when he whines, "I'm just a patsy!", it doesn't exactly sound like it's coming from the lips of Martin Luther King or Diogenes. If he was really just a patsy, that would make him exactly the first murderer in the whole history of western civilization to say that he's innocent. When a "man" being charged with murder says he's just a patsy, conspiracy logic dictates that he HAS TO be telling you the truth. He just does! Think of how much money we can save by just having a judge ask a murderer if he's innocent or guilty.
Judge: "Billy Bob, did you shoot Donny Joe in the face"?
Billy Bob: "I'm just a patsy!"
Judge: "Well, s*&*, that's good enough for me."
Lawyer for Donny Joe: "Your honor, I think maybe we need to see some evidence first".
Judge: "The man says he's innocent, counselor. He's clearly innocent!"
Family for Donny Joe: "Your Honor, what about the 15 witnesses who saw him make Donny Joe squeal like a piggie and sodomized him to death with a fiddle?"
Judge: "Lady, a guy doesn't say he's innocent of something unless he is. Jesus, what planet are you people from? Of course I have to let him go! We can't convict an innocent man when he says he didn't do it!"

For pretty much every one of the 10,000 days of his pathetic life that Lee Oswald spent on this earth, he always had two thoughts.

First, he was convinced that he was absolutely smarter than you--especially when it came to politics. If he were arguing about the debt crisis in Madagascar with a man who had a doctorate in Madagascarian Economic Policy Decisions, he would tell the man in no uncertain terms that he was right and the other guy was wrong because he knew every part of the issue because he'd read Marx once in his life.

Second, whatever 99.99% of the people thought was good, he thought sucked major donkey balls. Because the Marines he was stationed with bullied him and hated him and thought he was a giant cleft a&&-wipe, he naturally rebelled against them by openly telling other countries anything he could about what he knew about the Marine Corps in order to maybe get them killed or hurt in a war. Because they and virtually everyone with a brain in the country they represent thought that capitalism was better than communism, (the idiots) he rebelled by being a communist. If everyone in the world was a Marxist, he'd have been a capitalist who spouted Adam Smith. That same "man" who hated everyone not named Fidel Castro (he did after all try and name his child...female...after the man) was a violent political junkie.

What I just wrote was 100% true. The difference is, you won't find any part of that in any conspiracy book or movie because it's easier to say he's innocent and act like you're a rebel because you believe the government killed JFK. But if you still believe that there was a conspiracy and he was just a patsy, ask yourself this: does that sound like normal behavior for some trained super spy government assassin? Wouldn't a trained killer say, "Okay, cop coming at me, make no suspicious movements and if he does stop me, go into ninja mode and sneak away if he doesn't believe my story".

As long as we are making up jobs that don't really exist, why couldn't he have been a government sponsored ninja? That's basically what Oliver Stone claimed he was.

To wrap this up: 75% of the people REALLY believe that a 23-year-old, suicidal, government paid ninja named Lee Harvey, who doesn't have three nickels to rub together to make a fourth, who beats his wife regularly, actually wrote down that in 20 years he'll be "Prime Minister of America" and defected to Russia because he really thought it was going to be better than America, was the person that, depending on who you ask: the CIA, the Secret Service, the KGB, the FBI, martians, or Castro, entrusted with far and away, the biggest murder in the whole history of the world (no joke). Does that seem logical to you? Or does that maybe sound like 75% of the people are just uniformed a little bit about what he was really all about? Whether 99% of the people believe it or 1% of the people believe it means absolutely nothing. Not diddly-mule pi$$. For 2000 years 75% of the people KNEW--absolutely KNEW--that the Earth was flat. It doesn't matter what people think. What people think and what really happened are two entirely separate things. Only one person killed JFK--to the exclusion of every other person on the planet. And, sorry for all the fans of great who-done-its and spy thrillers, but it was the guy that everyone in power in our mean, stupid, awful government says it was.

If you really want to blame your government or the CIA or FBI for this, blame them in the right way. Say that they were incompetent, not involved. We all saw that on 9/11. The really crazy people like Charlie Sheen and Alex Jones will always believe that the 9/11 victims are in a bunker under Denver International Airport. The key to this whole case is keeping those people away from the people who are undecided about the case.

Final thought: Doesn't it SEEM a little bit more likely, now that you know the rest of the story, that some crazy little communist killed John Kennedy--even if it harder to swallow?