Things I Learned from Watching 'Dragon Wasps'
1. Cutting the sleeves off of one's uniform to show off one's arm tattoos is tolerated in the United States military.
2. Drinking on duty is apparently okay, too.
3. Archaeological digs in Belize only require two people - and one of them can disappear for hours and it won't affect the work being done.
4. Keep your ears clean in Belize - you don't want a Belizean bot fly being attracted to your ear wax and its larvae eating your brain.
5. The US military thinks nothing of taking two female archaeologists into an active rebellion - and enters rebel-held territory with guns, but no helmets or other combat equipment whatsoever.
6. The US military uses Eastern European military equipment in Belize.
7. Giant wasps bleed.
8. Tank tops and short shorts are appropriate wear for entering the deep jungle to find your father.
9. Latin American rebels sound like John Belushi when they demand your women.
10. Drew Brees' kid is going to be a kicker (actually learned that from a commercial during this movie) - despite the fact that he has an appropriate number of vowels in his last name.
11. The US military is equipped with guns that have an amazing capacity for ammunition - which explains why it is not necessary to pack extra ammunition when going into hostile territory.
12. If you don't have a US military medic with actual medicine available, get your wounded to a local voodoo priest for immediate treatment with cocaine, straw, and leeches.
13. Don't worry about taking extra ammunition with you on a jungle expedition. You can always steal what you need from the local drug dealer.
14. When you're tied up and lined against a wall when a gunfight breaks out, just stand there. Don't bother running for cover or ducking.
15. When a companion is being carried off by a giant wasp, shoot at the wasp as it flies away. Don't worry about hitting your friend.
16. Archaeologists in Belize look like a less-crack-addicted version of Paris Hilton.
17. American military personnel are trained to take on Mansquitos, mega sharks, sand sharks, well, any sort of shark really. Which is surprising when you consider how unprepared and ineffective the military was in each of those movies.
18. The jungle can drive a person mad.
19. Snakes fly. Well, Mayan coral snakes, the deadliest snakes in Central America, do.