MovieChat Forums > The New Normal (2012) Discussion > Do butch - femme gay couples really exi...

Do butch - femme gay couples really exists?

posted 12 years ago by taopolis
16 replies | jump to latest

David might not be super "butch", as it were, but he's definitely less "femme" than Brian. I was just wondering if couples like these two guys actually existed. I've observed that femme guys like butch guys but butch guys like other butch guys. I sincerely apologize for reducing this question to stereotypical labels but I don't know any other way to discuss this without resorting to this rather limiting nomenclature. So, I apologize in advance if anyone is offended.

[–] IloveTay 12 years ago

I've observed that femme guys like butch guys but butch guys like other butch guys.

Very true .Though you can find few exceptions here and there where a butch or straightish(or whatever politically correct term for that ) are into fems.
However mostly butch guys like other butch guys.

I sincerely apologize for reducing this question to stereotypical labels but I don't know any other way to discuss this without resorting to this rather limiting nomenclature.

May be few gays can get offended but I don't know why some gays have become all of sudden so super-sensitive about these labels.They themselves scream that there nothing is wrong in being an effeminate man.But as soon as someone bring these terminologies into any discussions then they either get angry or offended.

http://www.online-parttime-jobs.com/members/uid/nishants_1

[–] shadowsfan18 12 years ago

Yes--they really exist.

I'm rather feminine, and my partner is masculine.

[–] kdomusic 12 years ago

Yes they do exist. However, it is common that roles vary within certain tasks and daily life. Masc and Femme are social definitions rather than personal. Some make take them personally, but overall, they are social.

[–] taopolis 12 years ago

"Masc and Femme are social definitions rather than personal."

So, are you saying that masculine and feminine aren't so much how you perceive yourself but how other people (society) perceive you? Interesting. But one person on this thread said that he, himself, is feminine, while his partner is masculine.

[–] kdomusic 12 years ago

Generally speaking, they are social roles. Much like sex and gender are two different things, how we define ourselves is often different from how others do.

They are ultimately social labels. Labels that are highly subjective and really come down to those who wish to use them and those who don't.

One may define himself as masculine, but the idea and concept of masculine is based around society and our interpertation of it. What is valued as masculine in the US is different from say European or Asian cultures.

The same is true of femme roles.

They are defined by us (the collective) rather than the individual.

[–] taopolis 12 years ago

Wow, I totally see what you mean. So, masculine and feminine behaviour are completely subjective and can vary from one culture to the next. There is no real truth, as it were, in those particular descriptions.

[–] rockethulsey 12 years ago

no butch queens on this show, NeNe however

[–] Jonnydoe01 12 years ago

Take any entry level sociology course...they basically give you a brief over view of 'subjectivity.'

Back to the topic.
Yeah...so true... You often hear femme guys wanting to date butch guys but very rarely do you hear the reverse. A butch guy's typical response: "If I wanted to date a woman (in reference to femmes,) I'd date a woman."
It exists...........out there...............................somewhere

[–] tomfoolery_kitten 12 years ago

You often hear femme guys wanting to date butch guys but very rarely do you hear the reverse. A butch guy's typical response: "If I wanted to date a woman (in reference to femmes,) I'd date a woman."

Now I wonder whether there's the same type of common response with lesbian couples... like, would a really feminine woman say the same about a butch woman?

RED! The blood of angry men
BLACK! The dark of ages past!

[–] taopolis 12 years ago

While I can't truly speak for lesbians, I've observed that butch women like (for lack of a better term) lipstick lesbians. I have quite a few lesbian friends and sometimes I go out to their bars with them and their dynamic is very similar to gay males. The only time I've ever seen two "lipstick lesbians" in a couple has always only been on television.

[–] budikavlan 12 years ago

Of course they exist--basically, there is a rule of sexuality that holds across all types, orientations, etc.:

If you can imagine it (and it's physically possible), it exists.

You're right that it's not as common as the entertainment industry might have you think, but there are all kinds of gay couples, just like there are all kinds of straight couples.

[–] taopolis 12 years ago

"there are all kinds of gay couples, just like there are all kinds of straight couples. "

I am learning this more and more every day. But, why do you think the media or entertainment industry only focuses on one kind? The should show all the facets and all the shapes and sizes. Maybe this takes time.

[–] budikavlan 12 years ago

I think you might be over-stereotyping the couple on New Normal, for one thing. They set up the basic difference between the two guys, but Brian isn't all that femme (compared to previous stereotyped characters, at least), and David likes sports and various other "real guy" things, but he's not really what anyone would call "butch."

TV and movies have moved through several phases in respect to gay characters. When they first started showing them, they were usually older and somewhat effeminate, then later (for laughs, mostly) they showed a lot of screaming queens. For the last couple of decades, they've gone over to mostly younger and very good-looking gays of varying degrees of butchness or effeminacy. The gay guys on Brothers & Sisters and thirtysomething weren't particularly one way or the other, if you'll remember. One thing to remember with New Normal is that Brian is based on the guy who runs the show.

[–] taopolis 12 years ago

"One thing to remember with New Normal is that Brian is based on the guy who runs the show."

Really? I wasn't quite sure of this. Very interesting! So, that's why the show that Brian produces seemed (from the little bit that they show) like Glee to me. Please forgive me, I'm a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to details in tv shows.

[–] alucard1-1 12 years ago

by - taopolis on Mon Jan 28 2013 07:50:14

"there are all kinds of gay couples, just like there are all kinds of straight couples. "

I am learning this more and more every day. But, why do you think the media or entertainment industry only focuses on one kind? The should show all the facets and all the shapes and sizes. Maybe this takes time."

Personally, I think "they" feel that for most part, that for most of "mainstream America" they need to stick to the established, traditional, Male/Female roles... even with two men.. it just makes sense to "them" that their be the commonality that you can point to the screen and say "that one's 'the woman'" - as offensive as that may be.

The idea isn't carried over with on-screen lesbians (for the most part) as they want the "eye-candy" value of two super hot women kissing and rubbing on one another.

Of course, that's all just my arm-chair psychology speaking... :P

Peace

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]