In which I make the case that 'Pop Goes The Weasel' is about drug abuse

Using the kind of critical thinking explored in this documentary, I am now going to completely blow your minds by exposing the hidden meaning behind one of your favorite childhood nursery rhymes, "Pop Goes The Weasel."

The monkey, of course, refers to the "monkey on the back" of a heroin addict. The weasel represents the junkie -- thin from heroin abuse, sneaky, not to be trusted. And he's always trying to stay ahead of the monkey, which is always chasing him.

"A penny for a spool of thread, a penny for a needle, that's the way the money goes" -- well, the needle is obvious, I shouldn't even have to explain that that refers to the hypodermic with which the junkie-weasel injects heroin. The thread is in reference to the cord used to tie off the junkie's arm to make the vein stand out for injection. And "that's the way the money goes" means every dime the junkie-weasel can scrape together goes to support his drug habit.

And, of course, when he injects himself, the weasel gets his "pop!" And thus chases off the monkey.

So, see? Solid case! I've backed it up with a bunch of very logical examples, so that's definitely what that song is about.

The fact that the song was written before methods of injecting drugs were developed is immaterial.

(See? The way people decide to believe crazy things and then convince themselves they're supporting them with "evidence" is what this documentary is actually about... not The Shining itself.)