A sampling of jokes at the roast this past Saturday

“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer, via Entertainment Weekly

“Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three Mighty Ducks movies.” — Jeffrey Ross, via Primary Ignition

“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz, via Reuters

“I mean, we all know there’s a good chance Charlie will be dead soon, so I wrote an obituary. Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment. Actually, you know what? I kind of just copied Amy Winehouse’s obituary. I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says a talent that will be missed.” — Seth MacFarlane, via The Daily Beast

“It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh, via AP

“The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Anthony Jeselnik, via EW


LOL I loved the first one!