What would you do...

Put a kitchen knife in her hand and claim self defense.

reply share

add reply

formatting help

Well for a start you could say you found like that, because you did. When asked did you shoot her say yes I did. I heard an intruder in the garage. I heard Mrs. Nugent scream and in the darkness I thought I saw her being attacked. The thing is Bernie was a good guy who in a moment of insanity shot the bitch. Hence he had no plan after the event. Some may say that's silly but it's his nature. He was a genuinely good guy.

---
Scientologists love Narnia, there's plenty of closet space.

reply share

add reply

formatting help

if you were Bernie, after you killed Mrs. Nugent?

Me? I'd have chopped her into small pieces and slow cooked them in a crock pot with three large yellow onions until her meat was falling off the bone, then I'd mix in some apple cider vinegar, ketchup, brown sugar, ground red pepper flakes, some liquid hickory smoke, and a bit of Worcestershire sauce. I'd let it simmer for a few hours, then shred the meat and mix well. I'd dry the bones out and use a power sander to reduce them to dust, which I would spread along a public highway at night, ensuring that no piece larger than the head of a pin existed. Then I'd go home, plate the Nugent Barbecue onto warm King's Hawaiian buns and deliver the sandwiches to all the members of the methodist congregation, telling them that I'd found a deal on wild boar at the market and tried my hand at preparing it. I'd ask for feedback on its taste, texture, and flavor; then I'd return back home to enjoy the rest of my life.

No evidence would remain, as all the "good christians" of my sleepy little town would have eaten it already and subsequently pooped it out. :)

reply share

add reply

formatting help