Project SEX

My wife Deborah and I viewed this feature presentation last March. It was BY far one of the strangest experiences we had at the AMC cineplex. LET ME EXPLAIN: We wanted to see Winter's Boner but when we asked the theatre assistant, he said that the film has been out of cinemas for over a year. I was peeved, we drove an hour and 85 minutes to get the this Regal establishment.

So we saw the list of movies on the big board. Each movie sounded cruddier than the other. Finally Deborah spotted Project X with her ring finger. She pointed right at it. I saw where she was directing it. Deborah went to University of Wisconsin. She exclaimed that it must be a remake of the Matthew Broderick monkey movie film. I instantly remembered it as 1 of the best video tapes in the 80s. Matthew Broderick had a dazzling smile on it. In fact the only thing it showed was his face on the cover which was little strange considering the film had a damn dirty ape in it. So we asked the usher if the Project X was a remake and he said he wasn't sure and that he'd check the film synopsis sheet. The usher, Rick, tells us he lost the sheet and that he was very sorry and begged us not to tell his manager. The young man smelled really fishy. The tween was likely on dope. I told him that the only reason we would want to speak to upper management is to find out if Project X is a remake of the Matthew Broderick 1980s monkey movie blockbuster. He said 'I think.' Then he said 'wait, no.' 'It's not but it definitely is a remake of a Matthew Broderick flick.' We were not very convinced but said the hell with it and bought two tickets.

We got into our seats that felt like they built at Toys R Us and watched the previews. Oh golly there is so much filth that they are unleashing these days. It's the children I feel bad for. So the movie started. The 1st thing Deborah noticed was that the movie looked like it was being shot by a bunch of kids. I agreed with her. The camera work was awful and unprofessional. Have the filmmakers ever heard of a tripod. Were they trying to make the audience blow chunks? Then we realized that the characters were both breaking the 4th wall and talking to the camera at the same time. We were so confused. Was this a documentary on the movie Project X? Was it the behind the scenes in the 80s? It shallent of been considering that everything was modern. Where in holy mackerel were the chimpanzees? There were no gorillas in this movie. It took us a bit but we realized the constant moving images production was a documentary about some immature children wanting to throw a party. It was appalling. The language was vulgar saying words like 'hell' and 'damn' constantly. The things these toddlers get away with in this is astounding. How did I not hear about this on the news? How did the neighbors not break up this party earlier. Some of these kids are lucky to even be alive. There were tits everywhere.

Anyways when the documentary ended, Deborah and I got in our ford taurus. I let Deborah drive since I was drunk. You won't believe this. She puts the car in reverse and backs right into this cute young couple. I got out to see if everything was ok. The woman was bleeding but more importantly the other woman was fine. She was actually damn fine. Very attractive but probably a strumpet. She was worried about her fiance's bleeding. I told her that I was intoxicated and could not deal with this at the moment. She understood. I gave her my phone number and said I'd send her a check or something if there's any damage. I got in the car and we FINALLY drove off. Deborah was being comical and joking that we may go to prison. I told her they'll never know who we are since I gave them the rejection hotline phone number. Gosh I'm terrible but hey so was the new Project X remake documentary.