Question for the people who think Cates depression is over Carly - Teen Mom (2009) Discussion

[–] fivestarhobo 8 years ago

Depression has a source and usually it's not something that's obvious to the person that's suffering from it. Hell, I didn't even know I was depressed until I "got out" of it. It usually stems from some sort of trauma and I imagine giving up a child that you didn't want to give up is hella traumatic.

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[–] fivestarhobo 8 years ago

Is like to add that I think she blames it on her childhood because if she blamed it on the adoption, it'd be like admitting she regrets it and I'm sure there's some guilt in that itself. Like the fact that she's praised for her sacrifice and so many young women look up to her for her strength but its all a sham.

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[–] sonnermom 8 years ago

Great observation, 05starhobo.

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[–] Cristiana_James_Wright 8 years ago

That's why she needs a good doctor because all she's doing is scratching at the surface at the obvious. Oh she had a bad childhood but at this point in time it's not the source because April is clean and she practically is a second mother to Nova by taking her weeks at a time. She wants it to be about her childhood but watching it on the show it never made her so severely depressed that she couldn't get out bed. April is making up for the hurtful things in the past so it makes no sense to be distraught over it.

Like I said in another thread, she buys a house she's not happy. She buys another one and she's not happy. She bought a pig and she was crying uncontrollably for buying it which means she's not happy. She has Tyler who's practically her whole world and she's not happy. She's bought a few cars and same thing. She has friends and family who love her and she's not happy. Last but not least, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL AND SHE'S NOT HAPPY. SHE DOESN'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO HER. She's has a void in her heart that she's unable to fill. The last episode, what did she do before she even talked to Tyler? She showed a picture of baby Carly to Nova and asked her to say her name.

She was going to lose it last season when Tyler was jeopardizing the adoption when they had the wedding by being controlling and now they have closed the adoption. She's not handling it well. She doesn't know how to accept that she made the decision of giving her up when she's financially stable. She's looking for a reason in her childhood to be so depressed about but she's looking at it in the wrong direction or she probably knows like Tyler said but doesn't want to say anything so she's trying to mask the pain with weed and prescription meds.

At the end of the day we're not doctors at least I'm not but most of us are just great at observing. And this is what I'm observed. I bet you a million dollars if she could have custody of Carly and Nova she wouldn't be so depressed. She would probably still be lazy but she wouldn't try to be sleeping the day away because there wouldn't be a void. She would have both of her girls, Tyler would be her husband, and April would still be babysitting but she would have both of her girls. The only thing she would be stressing about is probably losing weight.

"I never hear you speak and when you do you apologize for saving me?"

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[–] starduss_ala 8 years ago

If it's so obvious, why wouldn't she admit it??? It's a given and there's absolutely no reason to hide it if that is what's wrong. Why blame it on something else??? Do you think she won't admit that's what's wrong because she chose Tyler over her baby??? I wonder if that's also why she's so attached to Tyler. Ya know, Because she chose him and it would have been all for nothing if her and Tyler don't make it.

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[–] Cristiana_James_Wright 8 years ago

Because she's a human being and sometimes people just don't come out and say what's wrong with them because they're afraid of the chain reaction. Tyler told the therapist this. She thinks if she says something that he's going to get upset or leave her. In her mind, she doesn't think actually addressing it will change anything. I mean look, she will pour all of her guts out but it won't change anything. It's not going to make Brandon and Teresa give Carly back nor reverse the closed adoption so she feels hopeless. Her problem with the whole thing is acceptance. It's one of the many stages of grief. She's grieving the loss of her child in a sense and she's jealous that two other people are raising her. When she reaches the stage of acceptance then she can move on with her life. No matter how many kids she has or things she buys or animals she adopts she will never be happy unless she accepts her decision with that ONE thing which is giving up her daughter. It's eating her up.

"I never hear you speak and when you do you apologize for saving me?"

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[–] Katiedidd 8 years ago

I agree with everything you have said, but where did you hear the adoption status is now closed? I missed a few episodes, but I thiught the newest preview showed Catelynn merely worrying about it closing.

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[–] Cristiana_James_Wright 8 years ago

I actually read the adoption was closed on this board and people were in agreement so maybe it's not true after all because I didn't see it on the show. I probably missed it just like you did if it's true though

"I never hear you speak and when you do you apologize for saving me?"

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Because it it is very difficult for people to be honest with themselves let alone other people. It's the elephant in the room and it's very obvious. If she actually talked about it-- it might remove thousands of pounds of bricks off her shoulders and she would function nicely.

If you need evidence watch the huge trajectory of her disposition from the adoption to the pregnancy with Nova to now. If it was her "traumatic childhood," then you would have seen many signs prior to the adoption. You don't.

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[–] Katiedidd 8 years ago

The depression being so severe after Nova was born is exactly why I think it's mostly about Carly's adoption, not Catelynn's childhood.

If one thinks, "Catelynn should have been depressed immediately after placing Carly, shouldn't she?" I think Catelynn was able to hold onto normal function until Nova was born, and when a new child didn't fill the void of Carly--something Catelynn was counting on for years--the depression reared its ugly head.

Catelynn's childhood definitely contributes to her fears of abandonment, but her downword spiral is liked with Nova. So sad because Nova should help give Catelynn purpose, but Catelynn is too busy trying to teach Nova how to say "Carly" and stuffing her feelings down using sleep, drugs, and food.

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

I agree with you one hundred percent. I only wish that her counselor has as much sense as you, so Catelynn could get the actual help she needs. It's very sad. It's sad for not just Catelynn but Tyler and Nova.

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[–] blonde_angel2008 8 years ago

She's never come out and said it. But to me it seems like the more Brandon and Theresa cut her off (telling her not to talk about them on camera, etc) the worse her depression seems to get. It's pretty obvious she still struggles with the whole thing. It may not be the only cause but I do think it has a big part in it.

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[–] babz12 8 years ago

I personally think her depression stems from her childhood, and everything else adds to that. She only started to appear depressed after having Nova, and while some of that may have to do with Carly, I think a lot also has to do with how scared she is of "screwing up" her daughter like her mother did to her. It doesn't matter how well April is doing now, it doesn't change Cate's childhood.

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

I disagree completely. Her level of depression and anxiety is from something traumatic but it's not her parents divorce, butch & april's drug abuse or their behavior towards her. It isn't enough. She was bright and cheerful all through that. She was resilient. She lacked support outside of Tyler, but she was strong enough to deal with her upbringing.

Notice she never talks about it? She rarely if ever talks about how terrible April was and she seems to have genuinely forgiven her. She has embraced Butch so much she invited him to live with her when he for it of prison. If his Abuse towards her was so bad, why would she do that? She would try to distance herself at all costs.

Conversely, when she made the decision to give up her baby she thought at the time that it was the right thing. She was selfishly placing her with B and T so she could have the best life

She never imagined the void that this would cause and future heartbreak. Maybe the visits have made it so much worse? It must be so bitter sweet to see Carly and have to leave her again. In this situation, Catelynn has very little control. This ignites her anxiety and depression.

Maybe her abandonment issues from childhood are a small contributer, but Carly is an much more significant in her issues.

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[–] bohunkchicklet 8 years ago

I agree with your post except for saying that Cate was selfishly placing Carly with Brandon and Theresa so that she could have a better life. I think that Cate placed her selflessly, so that Carly could have a better life, unless that's what you meant.

I can remember when Tyler told Butch that love wasn't all you needed to raise a child, you needed money as well. I think that they never dreamed the show would go on this long and the MTV paychecks would continue. I believe that now, Cate is thinking that they could have raised her. She forgets that they weren't really equipped back then either. Now that Carly is slipping more and more out of their lives, she can't handle it.

Both of them never really knew their real roles in Carly's life.
The agreement they signed with Brandon and Theresa even states at the bottom that it's not a legal binding contract. B and T could have cut contact off completely years ago.
T and C both have pushed the boundaries for years. Tyler saying that Carly will want to spend the summers and holidays with them once she's a teenager is delusional. Letting their family members refer the Carly as their granddaughter and niece helped them into holding on to this delusion.
Now, Cate is losing Carly all over again. Her dreams of being her 2nd mom are disappearing. Now, she thinks she has to wait 11 years before she can have that role again and it's the icing on the cake.
Carly is what pushed her over the edge. Her childhood certainly didn't help and may be the root of what started her issues but the immediate cause stems from Carly.

I'm sure that Cate is very depressed but I also think that she uses "my mental illness" as a blanket excuse to get away with some laziness. There was no excuse for her missing that doctor's appointment but that's a different rant and I've gone on long
enough.

Btw, Sophia is DOOMED!!

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

That was the worst typo ever. I meant selflessly. :)

It would be crazy to think it was selfish. Selfish would have been raising her with Butch and April in that crack home.

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[–] bohunkchicklet 8 years ago

I was truly hoping that was a typo, lol. Because everything else you said made so much sense.

I've started watching season one again. I forgot that they didn't know Carly's last name immediately. They are getting ready to get their "Carly tattoos" and they met with Dawn complaining that they don't know Caroline's last name. Tyler also told the tattoo artist that they would be seeing Carly at least 3 times a year, every year for her entire life. Anytime they wanted to see her they would. That they were going to be a major part of her life because it was an open adoption. Then, Tyler told his friends, "how could they possibly tell me I couldn't see my own kid". Wow, I really think Dawn should've been more clear with them. I also think she should have stressed that initially, Brandon and Theresa wanted a closed adoption. B and T, at anytime, could change it to closed. T and C really needed to be told what their roles really were in Carly's life. I think they were served an injustice.

There's a lot of things that I forgot about. I'm at home, sick, refreshing my memory about these girls. Tyler looked like he was 12 years old. Anyway, I usually agree with your posts :)

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

I forgot a lot of stuff about the early seasons. Maybe I should check some episodes out. I hope you feel better since you posted you are feeling sick. :)

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Please excuse the double post but what you said was perfect and spot on.

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[–] babz12 8 years ago

Notice she never talks about it? She rarely if ever talks about how terrible April was and she seems to have genuinely forgiven her. She has embraced Butch so much she invited him to live with her when he for it of prison. If his Abuse towards her was so bad, why would she do that? She would try to distance herself at all costs.

This is actually a big reason why I think her depression stems from her childhood. Instead of dealing with it, she has buried it and tries to make it seem like it never happened or it wasn't that bad. She put on a happy face throughout it all, but having never really dealt with the pain she felt as a kid as more things pile upon her, her facade is crumbling.

Cate had no control over her childhood, she has little and now perhaps no control over Carly's adoption, and now she feels she has no control over her own life. I just don't believe Cate suddenly became depressed because of the adoption, but rather because she has internalized her pain for so many years and as things kept being thrown at her, she could no longer hide it all away.

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[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Those are all great points. I am not trying to dismiss her difficult struggle in her childhood. She said in therapy that she self medicates (smokes weed) because of anxiety and that it stems from her dad leaving her mom when Cate was very little and her mom being drunk most of the time. That those examples are the basis for her abandonment issues.

My take is that is very valid. However, her therapist, Kathleen, is allowing Catelynn to self discover by making her to make the revelation herself which is good but not effective in her circumstance.

There is a lot buried under there and Catelynn has admitted it is so deep it's hard to get it out.

I am not in her head, so it's impossible to know. I just see a very painful and deep sorrow when she talks about Carly and her loss of control -- that is so distinctly different than other issues. As a viewer, it makes me think it is about Carly but I could be wrong. I respect your take and it makes sense as well.

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[–] babz12 8 years ago

Thanks, you've made a lot of good points too. I don't think either of us are really wrong (or right) because I think they're both such huge contributors to Cate's depression, and dealing with one or the other will not make her better...she needs to deal with both. At this point it kind of seems like her two biggest issues have entwined together, and just focusing on one issue or the other (or another one all together!) can cause even more problems and confusion for her.

I totally agree she'd be better off with another therapist. Kathleen just is not a good fit for her and her problems, at least not at this point in her life. I think I can understand what Kathleen is doing, as I think self-discovery is important in a lot of things, but Cate just needs to be pushed harder at this time.

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