MovieChat Forums > Teen Mom (2009) Discussion > Closed Adoption

Closed Adoption

posted 8 years ago by IrisHaze89
11 replies | jump to latest

Does anyone else think Cate would've been happier if the adoption had been closed from the very beginning?
Do you think the visits hurt her more than help? I only ask because I'm adopted and I tracked my birth mother down in my early 20s; We got on okay but I would never view her in a motherly way because I would view it as a betrayal to my actual mother.

I feel so sorry for Carly, I can't imagine the *beep* it would of caused me to have to visit my birth mum every year. I mean what would you even call her, it would be such a terrible position to be placed in.

What do you all think?

[–] irishm 8 years ago

I don't have any major experience with adoption (aside from a couple of cousins), but it seems to me that an open adoption in some cases serves mostly to keep a wound open. In others, it's probably great. In Cate's case, it might be the former.

[–] blonde_angel2008 8 years ago

In Catelynn's case I do think if the adoption was closed from the beginning it would have saved her a lot of long term pain. I never really thought of that before to be honest but it makes sense.

It's hard to say how I would personally feel since I have zero experience with adoption. I don't think I even know anyone who is adopted or has adopted a child. I would like to think that I would be ok with a yearly visit. To me it wouldn't be much different than a visit with like a distant aunt and uncle or whatever.

[–] fivestarhobo 8 years ago

I think it's a little much on a child. I think it should be entirely up to Carly wether she wants to see them or not. I think she would probably say yes up until her tweens (when she starts going thru that awkward teen angst phase we all go thru) I'm actually pretty heartbroken for Cate because it seems like she had no idea what "at the the discretion of Brandon and Theresa" meant until dawn explained it to her this episode.

[–] IrisHaze89 8 years ago

I completely agree that people seem to only concern themselves with Cate's feelings and forget about the person who really matters in this case - Carly.
From the show it seems that Cate and Taylor believe that B&T are only babysitting Carly and when she gets to a certain age she will return to them.

It simply doesn't work like that - An example I can think of is Rosie O'Donnell's daughter who ran off to live with her birth mother, she soon went back to Rosie when she realised that she had no connection with her.

Cate will never have that bond with Carly - It's too late and she needs to accept it or it will destroy her.

B&T are her parents; All she shares with Cate and Taylor is DNA nothing more.

[–] blonde_angel2008 8 years ago

From the show it seems that Cate and Taylor believe that B&T are only babysitting Carly and when she gets to a certain age she will return to them.

Unfortunately you're exactly right. They truly seem to think that they will "get her back" at some point. I remember a long time ago them talking about how they could get her for sleepovers or whatever when she got older. It's like they think they might get some kind of joint custody or something when it just won't ever happen.

[–] FreyjaAlexa 8 years ago

Good question. Thinking about it, I think she would be happier with a closed adoption and/or a yearly picture and update.

It's turned into a bad situation all the way around. Clearly Cate isn't in a good or healthy place right now which isn't good for Tyler or Nova. And Brandon and Theresa probably had no clue what they were in for and that 16 and Pregnant would turn into the show Teen Mom which is still on 7 years later. If I recall correctly Brandon and Theresa didn't want an open adoption to begin with.

[–] Heygirl215 8 years ago

I also think being on a reality show where you are forced to rehash it over and over and over and over for the last 8 years also plays a part in the depression she suffers from. Nobody wants to relive that day after day. They need to come off this show, get real therapy off camera, and deal with this because at this point Carly is living her life and enjoying her life while Cate and Ty are still stuck in May 2009, with Nova along for the ride

[–] FreyjaAlexa 8 years ago

I wonder if any of Cate's counselors have told her that it is unhealthy to fixate on Carly as much as she and Tyler do for the show? It certainly hasn't been good for her. I wish she'd start focusing more on the child she does have instead of the one she doesn't. This show has been such a blessing and curse for Cate and Tyler.

[–] irishm 8 years ago

being on a reality show where you are forced to rehash it over and over and over and over for the last 8 years also plays a part in the depression she suffers from

Right; it must be like being a hamster on a wheel. You run and run but never get anywhere... seven years later you're still right where you started.

[–] Heygirl215 8 years ago

The only thing different is that there is more money and they have their own child but mentally they are both still in 2009 and that's not healthy at all. It reminds me of a breakup with my bf of 7 years. It took me years to finally get over him and to stop reliving the past and I felt a lot lighter. I don't think i'll ever be the person I used to be before our breakup but I am not the same that spent years crying everyday and reliving the breakup over and over. Sorry but this is what her situation reminds me of. Tyler seems resilient and can rationalize these things, to an extent but Cate can't and hasn't.

[–] Stirchley 8 years ago

Everyone is different. Growing up in England one of my friends was adopted & she was so pained by the entire thing. Her adoptive parents gave her everything, but she felt so empty inside. All she knew was the name her real mother gave her, which was later dropped.