MovieChat Forums > Teen Mom (2009) Discussion > Gary's valid point that Amber ignores

Gary's valid point that Amber ignores

posted 8 years ago by erin592
25 replies | jump to latest

On the Reunion, Gary repeated this one phrase a few times while trying to answer Amber's questions about parenting time with Leah. Gary was pretty low key about this explanation, and I think it flew under the radar of Dr. Drew and Amber. Especially since this is when Amber started getting emotional and defensive, and could not handle the situation any further. And I wish this would have been picked up on, and elaborated. Because Gary was absolutely correct! Instead, it gets ignored in favor of coddling Amber who tends to fly off the handle when confronted with the truth.

Gary (very calmly and politely, may I add), kept saying that if Amber was able keep up the schedule that was currently set up with regards to Amber's time with Leah, then they could think about increasing or changing things in Amber's favor. These aren't Gary's exact words, but I believe this was more or less what he was getting at. It was basically highlighting how Amber has a hard time managing the few scheduled days with Leah that she already has. Other things going on in Ambers's life are more important (depression, sickness, traveling, defending Matt, mommy makeovers, and probably other things that we don't even hear about).

Gary was very quietly trying to say that Amber can't even keep up with her time as it is now, why the heck is Amber asking for even more visits with Leah? He was completely right! Kids need to keep a stable schedule, especially during the school year. Amber currently has a hard time with her parenting obligations, and it would be unfair to Leah if things were changed. It also sounds like Amber struggles with time management even when Leah is with her (getting to school on time, etc). This would only hurt Leah to be with Amber more. Amber needs to prove she can handle all the responsibilities of mothering Leah before she has the right to ask for more.

Instead of listening to what Gary was saying, and maybe self reflecting a bit, Amber shut down and acts like she is being attacked. She is quite good at playing the victim to deflect any negativity on her part.

I know Gary has many faults, but I have to give him credit for handling that situation like a boss. He was very calm and rational, and didn't go on the defensive even when Amber tried her best to bait him into it. He even handled himself with Dr. Drew, who was trying to stoke the drama fire.

[–] willbraham87 8 years ago

Amber is a pig who didn't get her way and wasn't hearing the things she wanted to hear so she had a tantrum. very childish. Just like her useless lipo that will probably mean nothing in 6 months.

[–] heidi-jeanne 8 years ago

No need for name calling

[–] Heygirl215 8 years ago

Personally, and I could be wrong but I think Gary was acting for the cameras. Notice how he kept saying "I will give you more time I have no problem" but she kept saying "That's what I asked for!" as if she has been asking the whole time and he wouldn't give in until just now when they were on camera with Drew. Gary is a control freak and wants Amber to suffer for what she did to him and Leah years ago. She even said he will do things like show Leah car crashes so she'll be too terrified to travel with Amber. That is some Kate Gosselin level parental control on his part. Gary just wants to be in control and I bet you Leah will begin to rebel against him as she gets older.

[–] kem7696 8 years ago

Why should he give her more time when she doesn't even get her on the time she's suppose to have her, that's his point. If you start getting her all the times you're suppose to then I'll let you have more time. Seems fair and rational to me. Amber is in major denial on her perception on her parenting skills. I'm not saying sh'es a horrible parent but she needs alot of work in that area.

[–] jingles173 8 years ago

Exactly!!! It was even on camera this season she would call him and ask and he always said no he loves having this control he's disgusting. After going to jail and getting clean taking her meds and controlling her angry he still won't give her time. I'm not sure why she hasn't gone back to court for split custody I know Leah on teenmom 2 got help and her custody was quickly given back to her.

[–] TheCheetahPeach 8 years ago

ary was acting for the cameras. Notice how he kept saying "I will give you more time I have no problem" but she kept saying

i noticed this too. On every episode that someone asks him about Amber getting more time with Leah each time he has said no, not a chance, that won't happen in the future, blah blah blah. Now all of a sudden he was all like oh yeah yeah, there's a chance, it's a possibility, etc....

"Sometimes what I type doesn't make any sense because of the iPad."— By Me.

[–] Heygirl215 8 years ago

Yea he's full of sh7t. He was playing for the cameras. He has no intention on letting her have Leah more. Amber could be the most upstanding, mentally stable woman in the world and he still wouldn't give her more time. I think Leah should be able to do at least 1 day a week overnight with her mom. Do you think Amber will ever be the sole custodian of Leah or will Gary always be the primary parent?

[–] TheCheetahPeach 8 years ago

I don't think she'll ever have primary custody. At the most joint. I don't think Gary would ever allow that & he would fight her if she went for primary custody and basically force himself to settle for joint.

"Sometimes what I type doesn't make any sense because of the iPad."— By Me.

[–] Brynn434 8 years ago

I don't think Gary means 'more time' in the sense of "Okay, take her for the night!" but more in the sense of adding more time to the schedule. He talks about routine and helping Leah understand where she'll be at all times, but if Amber's not using the schedule now, why add more time to the schedule as it is? But he appears to concede in this scene and say, "If you want more time, we can go back and hash it out." but Amber chose to run off and cry.

And Gary is right for saying no on all these random sleepovers. Amber's not interested in a rigid schedule where she gets more time. She's more interested in spontaneity where she can have Leah for a night on a mere whim.

[–] couragecash 8 years ago

When she walked out and said she was quitting was so lame! Amber knows she's nothing without this show. Dramatic and Unnecessary! I am glad she called out Dr. Drew.

[–] Heygirl215 8 years ago

Yea we know she isn't quitting. I was glad she called him out too. I can't help but notice how agitated she seems though. She's very, on edge I guess you can say.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

I agree with you 100 percent. I'm not a huge Gary fan, but he really showed himself to be calm and rational; while being an advocate for his daughter, Leah.

Amber has so many strikes against her it's ridiculous. She deserves to see her daughter, but why not supervised visits? It has been said by Leah that Amber sleeps all day and Matt is the one that plays with her and spends time with her.

Amber is a felon.
Amber is an addict, whom I believe is still actively using.
Amber is constantly late or cancels her visits with Leah.
Amber has been convicted of domestic violence.
Amber has a man in her home that is an addict and deadbeat father.
Amber spends money impulsively and is not responsible.
Amber has bipolar disorder.
Amber has borderline personality disorder.
Amber has manic depression.

Are these characteristics of someone that deserves MORE time with their child when their own personal life is so out of control?

I also disagree she elected to go to prison for the sake of Leah. Amber is selfish to the core and did that for herself.

[–] FreyjaAlexa 8 years ago

I'm not a huge Gary fan either, but I give him a ton of credit for stepping up and taking excellent care of Leah. I give Christina a ton of credit too for being there for Leah. I bet in the future Leah will look to Christina and not Amber, she already appears to.

Amber's actions speak louder than words. She'd rather go on a ridiculous trip on her weekend with Leah. She chose to move much farther away from Leah than she needed to. She is with a creepy older guy and let his sketchy son move in. She has a history of addiction and is clearly on something now. She just elected to get plastic surgery which laid her up taking more time away from Leah. And just what exactly is she doing right now to improve her life situation or to better herself for the future? Nothing.

I've given Amber passes in the past, but not any longer. She is selfish to the core.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Precisely. Unfortunately I think a bit of the BPD showimg through. People with BPD which is a real mental illness that can be detected on a brains scan, have enormous difficulty maintaining relationships and taking responsibility for anything wrong they do. They have the tendency to 'split' which we have seen Amber do on the series. She is fine and happy with Gary one minute and loses her temper the next.

IMO. So in other words, Amber manipulates reality in her own mind to match her beliefs about herself. She is perpetually the victim. She said herself "I like nice people." Who doesn't?

When it occurs to her that she has in fact made a false judgement (splitting) she numbs her pain with drugs. This is also common with those wth BPD.

[–] IDream_ofJoaquin 8 years ago

I don't think Amber should be judged for her mental disorders. That's a chemical imbalance and is out of her control. There are other things to focus on in Amber's case but I think calling those a "strike" against her is a little offensive.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

So she shouldn't be held accountable for the way she acts and not being present for Leah because of a "chemical imbalance?"

Sounds like an excuse to do whatever you want whenever you want.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

You sound exactly like Amber on the reunion. Hahahhahahaaaaa

[–] amandapanda_1987 8 years ago

Gary for once was being reasonable, I totally couldmsee where he was coming from. Like if she can't even have Leah in her scheduled days due to all these things, why should she have more responsibility when she can't even handle the days she does get.

[–] filmgrad-09746 8 years ago

Well, seeing as how Amber didn't even try to deny the fact that she's missed MANY weekday visits as scheduled and has only done weekends as of late, I doubt Gary was lying. I wouldn't want to give her more time either!

[–] erin592 8 years ago

This bugs me about Amber. She didn't necessarily deny this when she was confronted with the truth. But instead of owning up to her faults, she resorts to throwing a dramatic tantrum while trying to shift the focus of the topic.

[–] filmgrad-09746 8 years ago

Yeah, it's nothing new. Keeps doing the same thing and expects different results. Hmm.

[–] Stirchley 8 years ago

If I were Leah's mother, no way would I ever miss a Wednesday with her. What does Gary even tell Leah when her mom doesn't show up?

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

That's a great point. Leah is old enough to be aware of what's going on and the custody agreement. It can't be good for Leah's self esteem that her mom blows her off because she would prefer to be with Matt or due to her "depression."

[–] Lisasolicious 8 years ago

I got it...but I'm an old lady.

Dr. Drew should have used some techniques to get Amber to 'hear'.

They all play the victim, with the exception of Maci...I haven't seen the cryfest with her like the other girls.