MovieChat Forums > Teen Mom (2009) Discussion > Gary's parenting

Gary's parenting

posted 8 years ago by Melancholy11
26 replies | jump to latest

I have a complete change of perspective on Gary. His appearance on part one of the season recap, showed that he was in control of his emotions, fair and logical. In addition, it was all about Leah.

Given that Amber has Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar and Manic Depression, Gary should use the highest discretion when it comes to her role in Leah's life. Just because she is the mother doesn't afford her the rights she is expecting. Hello! She is an addict, a felon, and has multiple metal illnesses.

BPD is genetic which means Leah may be at risk and the more she is exposed to Amber's impulsiveness, instability, moodiness and shopping/eating binges the greater her chance at having real problems as a teen and adult. Gary is one hundred percent right. Leah needs structure. Christina and Gary can provide that for her and not flake around due to a mood. He even remarked Leah has had perfect attendance and that probably gives Leah self esteem which she needs all she can get due to the hand she was dealt.

[–] jenneboo 8 years ago

Wow. I wanted so badly to agree with you, but your ignorance is just too great to ignore. First of all, being an addict or a felon or suffering from mental illness does NOT automatically make you a bad parent or mean you deserve less than anybody else. If managed correctly, addiction recovery & mental illness has no bearing whatsoever on your parenting skills. Neither of these things are a choice. Being a judgemental, uneducated, as$hole is a choice.

[–] willbraham87 8 years ago

Jenneboo, wait until your spouse has all those issues and then you can informatively and logically answer that question.

Amber has been volatile the whole time, the only difference now is that she isn't beating anyone down and blatantly taking drugs.

Gary has the right and the authority to protect his daughter from her pig of a mother.

[–] jomccallister 8 years ago

Or better yet, put yourself in Leah's shoes.
I have a father who is an addict, with a criminal background (due to addiction). Not sure about mental illness, as he was in my life very little.
Once my parents divorced when I was nine, he came around to see us kids when it fit his schedule or when he had guilt.
My mom was a great parent and we were her world. So all three of us are college educated and are successful. And luckily, none of us are addicts.
And my mom, like Gary, did not allow my father and his issues to interrupt our lives. We had a schedule and set routine, which all kids need. Gary is right about that.
So from personal experience, people don't choose to be addicts, but kids certainly don't choose to have parents that are addicts either.
And addicts that are actively using are not gonna put anything above their drug of choice, including their own children. And Amber appears to be actively using again.
Not to mention, she appears to be putting a man abovr her daughter too.
So even though I have seen Gary unfair at times, I applaud him for making Leah the top priority.

[–] kem7696 8 years ago

First off very well said, everything you said is 100% correct.

And my mom, like Gary, did not allow my father and his issues to interrupt our lives. We had a schedule and set routine, which all kids need. Gary is right about that.

I think like your mom, this is what Gary is trying to do, its not that he wont let her see Leah, but more the fact that Leah needs a stable environment. This is not to say that kids can't split time evenly between parents, I have a co-worker that has her child every other week and it works out fine, but her child was never in the environment Leah was in from the start.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Exactly. I feel it's a combination of Amber's problems and not one In particular. Though, domestic violence is a huge one. She should count her lucky stars she isn't only getting supervised visitation.

[–] jenneboo 8 years ago

First of all dick head, I have those issues. I'm also college educated ON those issues.

[–] kem7696 8 years ago

You calling posters names when they haven't called you any names doesn't really help them understand your point and usually makes people not really listen to your POV.

[–] jenneboo 8 years ago

That's fine. It doesn't change the truth of anything I said. Anyone who feels OK about judging people based solely on their health issues and paSt mistakes instead of their character, isn't someone who's opinion really matters to me.

[–] kem7696 8 years ago

Anyone who feels OK about judging people based solely on their health issues and paSt mistakes instead of their character, isn't someone who's opinion really matters to me.

The thing is, I dont think all of Amber's mistakes are in the past, she has shown time and time again that she keeps making mistakes. Instead of learning from them,Amber tends to use those as her excuse.

Since you've stated you are very similar to her, instead of getting upset and going after a poster who feels that way, maybe share your experiences, I've seen may times on these boards where someone does see things differently after someone shares their experiences. Granted some people will never change their minds but some will.

Sadly judging people off a TV show is what this board is for and what people do, I dont always agree with it, as we only see a small part of their lives, but its hard to not judge or assume when its all we see. Anyways just my 2 cents, I just feel that you could give some good insight on what its like for someone who's dealt with all these things.

[–] MinaGodiva 8 years ago

Sadly judging people off a TV show is what this board is for and what people do, I dont always agree with it, as we only see a small part of their lives, but its hard to not judge or assume when its all we see.

Exactly!!! Well said.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Ooh. You're really making great points calling me names. Really nice logical argument.

[–] Jessical1992 8 years ago

I couldn't agree more!! It's like amber doesn't even care about what's best for Leah. She wants Leah only when she wants her. When it's convenient for her. I got so annoyed at her last night, whining about her visits when half the time she misses them. And I can't believe dr drew was coddling her like he was!!!! First of all national television is not the place to discuss visitation issues, and secondly she has nothing to complain about because Gary was absolutely right in everything he said. The way she stormed off stage was so childish. She is on something for sure. My guess is xanax. I know that xanax is a downer but they react differently on different people. I know a lady who gets extremely loud a belligerent while taking them and that's how amber was.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Well put. Amber acted like a spoiled brat not getting her way and couldn't regulate her emotions.

Gary specifically indicated that Amber hasn't taken advantage of her weekday visits with Leah for A YEAR! Amber clearly isn't proactive in her recovery. The brown couch is the enabler as well as Matt.

[–] Brynn434 8 years ago

It's really interesting to watch Amber take a childish route. "Oh, it'll be fun to have her for a night out of the blue." and then cry when Gary says no. Then to find out that she hasn't seen Leah for some time, really makes you wonder why she wants more time when she isn't even utilizing the time that's allotted to her. I'm almost starting to think that she isn't doing the visits because she's railing against the schedule and trying to make it so that she can have Leah whenever she wants.

I get that she's the mother but, you know, just complaining and throwing hissy fits is not going to make you the primary caretaker any time soon.

[–] TheCheetahPeach 8 years ago

I think she should have more time with Leah and some physical custody as well, but not as much as she would like. If she can't get up for 2 hours to see Leah once a week. Since she lives closer to her school she could get up & spend mornings with her at school, eat lunch& visit at recess if they allow it.

"Sometimes what I type doesn't make any sense because of the iPad."— By Me.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

Huh? Spend time with her at school. Oh no. What a stigmatizing thing for Leah. It's probably hard enough Leah is on TV. Amber visiting the school would take it to a new level of embarrassment.

What's going to happen if Amber pops off at school staff? Given her temperament, it's highly likely.

[–] TheCheetahPeach 8 years ago

Idk some parents do that if the school allows it.

"Sometimes what I type doesn't make any sense because of the iPad."— By Me.

[–] Jessical1992 8 years ago

Gary has said she can see Leah anytime she wants. He just wants to keep her in a school routine. And amber barely uses the visits she has now. So no.

[–] Stirchley 8 years ago

From the very beginning structure has been everything for Gary & I respect that. Gary acts like a parent to his child - Amber acts like Leah is a doll to be played with & spoiled.

[–] IDream_ofJoaquin 8 years ago

For the most part, on this board, I read everything people have to say and consider their part in the conversation.

I will say the lack of empathy for anyone having a mental illness on this board is outstanding. I have no idea why this would mean Amber would not be allowed to be with her child. I have bipolar disorder and I have two children and I'm a good mom, I have a good heart and I always put my children first.

Amber's crappy parenting may be from a variety of other things. Indicating Leah is going to suffer from a genetic attribute is gross. There are so many things we pass down. You sound like someone who would be pro eugenics.

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

You sound really defensive. BOrderline Personality Disorder has a genetic link. It is also caused from an unstable and chaotic environment in childhood and adolescence. These are facts, not opinions.

While you sound like you are open to others opinions as you wrote, that all goes out the window with your second statement.

Amber has multiple mental illnesses. She is also a fellon and an addict. Those are huge things in totality. If Amber had bipolar disorder and took mediation resposibly - she wouldn't have custody issues. It's everything about Amber. The fact that she is a compulsive overeater isn't an issue. No one is shaming Amber because she has mental illness. It's how the mental illness causes her to do things that are not in the best interest of herself nor her child.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Melancholy11 8 years ago

no one is talking about you. Your posts are way too emotional and defensive. You should not internalize people on a television show. It's not life and death. It's MTV.

[–] m_a83 8 years ago

I have bipolar disorder and there is no reason that should be a strike against me as a parent.

But in Ambers case it IS a strike against her as a parent because she won't manage it. As a result we hear her say things like "I've been feeling down lately so I haven't seen Leah in a month". The problem isn't that Amber has a mental illness, it's that her child is negatively affected by her lack of willingness to manage it.

[–] Katiedidd 8 years ago

Wow, emotions triggered in this thread. For what it's worth, I did not take it as some slam against mothers with mental illness. The issue is Amber has comorbidity with a history of substance abuse, bipolar illness, and borderline personality disorder, and she has never been in treatment to get healthier. Yes, she's apparently started taking a mood stabilizer for bipolar now, but that is hardly enough. Her actions since prison have demonstrated she is no where near in a healthy place to have more time with her daughter.

This is not simply about a mom who has mental illness; this is about a mother who has to do everything necessary to be the best possible mom to her young daughter. And yes, factors like her being a felon and having comorbidity are relevant. She should have left prison and taken steps to be a healthier person. That includes medication, therapy, a recovery program, and a structured environment around people who can support her without enabling her. But Amber has been too busy buckling at every turn, proclaiming she is going to do it "her way" and then lives in a *beep* storm of petty jealousies, fights, and playing the victim card along with her thug boyfriend.

And discussing Leah's risk of mental health problems is hardly advocating eugenics. The issue is that Leah is already at risk and then she is in an unstable environment when with her mother. That is why the genetics of borderline personality disorder were brought up. If Leah already has that risk, she doesn't need to be around her mother and Matt more when they have not yet gotten their *beep* together.

If Amber can actually be adherent to treatment and be more functional and responsible, great, but she does not appear to be even close to there yet. That's what this thread is about when addressing Amber's issues; at least how I took it. Not some protest against mothers who have mental illness. Leah is currently much better in Gary's primary custody.

[–] piggytoes123 8 years ago

I agree with Katiedidd. It's not about Amber having a mental illness, it's the fact that Amber hasn't been doing anything to help herself and her situation. She hasn't been on her medication consistently, she isn't in any kind of treatment program, she isn't in therapy, she is living with another former addict and even had his addict son move in with them, and isn't making the kind of decisions that are in Leah's best interest. Plenty of parents live with bipolar disorder and depression and are able to be good parents if they are managing their symptoms under a doctor's guidance. Amber would rather put her boyfriend first (I really wished she would've stayed single for awhile after she was in prison so she could work on getting her life on track) and seems to use her depression as a convenient excuse when she messes up her time with Leah. Funny that her depression never seems to get in the way of doing things with her boyfriend. She seems to have Catelynn's magical and convenient brand of depression.