I died of old age 7 times while watching this snail run a marathon

And snails can't even run!!

Before I begin my rant about painfully slow deaths, I mean films, let me ask you something, so you can chew on it in the back of your mind ... if a film was the emperor's new clothes (all hype, no content), what would might it look like as a film?

When I watch a film, I want to be engaged.

I hate Transformers. I will always go in open-minded, so whether it's an American action, European drama, or Asian horror, I will give it a chance. But if I invest my time, I expect something in return. Is that not fair? After all, this is an exchange between the artist and the consumer. Deep or superficial, I don't mind, so long as it engages me. And I love when an experimental film comes upon some raw idea, even if not fully fledged. But that doesn't mean dreariness for 3 hours automatically counts as merit-worthy. They should perhaps come with warnings in the same way that an R-rated film is for potentially-shocking content. Perhaps a label that says 'dangerously thin, not-always-coherent plot'.

This film was almost 3 hours of highly random events. If plot was nourishment, after this watching this I'd be looking for the nearest horse to eat. What is a piece without a plot? It's a mood piece. Mood pieces can be good, but almost 3 hours of it is testing of patience. Again, what would the emperor's clothes look like if it were a film? How much can your patience be tested before you cry out about the emperor's nakedness? Would you always excuse an art piece regardless of its content? Or do you have standards? If so, what are they?

Needless to say, I feel like I've wasted my time.