James Berardinelli review - ** out of ****

https://www.reelviews.net/reelviews/red-one

Some Christmas films are designed as family-friendly romps that can be enjoyed by all as a holiday confection. (Perfect example: A Christmas Story.) Others are adult-oriented fare that might make the Grinch blush. (Perfect example: Bad Santa.) Then there’s something like Red One, a hybrid that doesn’t quite fit into either category. It’s too violent and profane (frequent use of the word “shit”) for younger kids and too juvenile for adults. Outside of a clever re-invention of how the North Pole works, Red One doesn’t do a lot right, which is surprising considering that the project re-teams director Jake Kasdan and actor Dwayne Johnson, who made the thoroughly enjoyable Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Let’s start with the length. At a shade over two hours long, Red One is carrying at least 20 minutes too much weight. There are times when it noticeably drags. That might not have been the case had the action scenes been exciting or choregraphed with greater precision. Instead, they’re muddled, chaotic, and entirely predictable. Then there’s the overall tone. Both of Kasdan’s Jumanji movies had a tongue-in-cheek perkiness that kept the audience amused even when other elements didn’t quite work. Red One, however, wallows in sentimental twaddle and rarely remembers that a little comedy might be a good thing.

The best thing in the movie (perhaps unsurprisingly) is J.K. Simmons as Santa. I’d pay to watch a whole movie with him in this role but it’s not Red One. To say he appears “sparingly” is kind. He’s in it for a few scenes in the early going and a few scenes toward the end, and that’s pretty much it. For most of the movie, he’s lying unconscious while the diabolical villain, the witch Gryla (Kiernan Shipka), siphons off his mystical Santa energy so she can imprison all the kids on the “naughty list” in magical snow globes. Her #1 ally in this kidnap-and-misuse Santa escapade is Saint Nick’s estranged adopted brother, Krampus (Kristofer Hivju). Working to retrieve Kris Kringle before Christmas Eve passes are members of M.O.R.A. (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority), an agency overseen by Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu); Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), the commander of Santa’s E.L.F. (Enforcement Logistics and Fortification) team; and Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), a cynical hacker who inadvertently collaborated with the enemy.

Although the movie as a whole is a swing-and-miss, there is some inventive world-building. Kasdan and screenwriter Chris Morgan create a universe in which mythological creatures are real but whose existence is managed and kept secret by M.O.R.A. Operations at the North Pole mix magic and technology and Santa’s Christmas Eve run, which is presented in some detail, is a delightful mix of old-school material and sci-fi elements. That sequence is great fun and deserves to be preserved as some sort of short with the rest of the movie sheared off and jettisoned.

Chris Evans, continuing to do his best to distance himself from his role as Steve Rogers/Captain America (he reminds me of Sean Connery post-Diamonds are Forever), adopts a PG-13 version of the persona he embraced in Knives Out. He has a great early scene in which he dissects the flaws in a school mishap involving his son, Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), and he generally brings a rambunctious quality to the proceedings. Dwayne Johnson, on the other hand, mostly appears bored and spends a lot of the movie going through the motions. (He was allegedly paid $50M for his participation.) Callum’s existential struggles (he has lost his faith in humanity’s innate “niceness,” resulting in his decision to resign his post) might have worked better with a different performer. Johnson does many things exceedingly well but deep dramatic acting hasn’t yet been shown to be among them.

One could make a compelling case that Die Hard feels more “Christmassy” than Red One, and that’s not a good sign for a movie being marketed as a Christmas film (which Die Hard, released in the sweltering heat of July, never was). Every year, it seems there’s at least one high-profile film released in mid-November that wants to be seen as a holiday classic-in-waiting. Most of these titles end up justifiably forgotten. It’s hard to argue that Red One won’t be the next in this long line of pre-Thanksgiving turkeys.