Chumlee: Help, Old Man, I'm in jail!
Old Man: Chumlee, you're an idiot! How much is the bail?
Chumlee: Sixty-two thousand bucks!
Old Man: I can offer you six hundred.
Old Man: Listen guy, I'm taking all the risk here. You might be sitting in there for awhile before I can find a buyer, and I have to pay my employees. I would offer six hundred, but I only feel like three hundred.
shareOld Man: $62,000, eh. Spent all your money on tattoos didn't ya? Back in the day, we'd take the judge's “advice” and join the service to avoid criminal charges. You could always do that.
Austin “Jailbird” Russell: Yeah, yeah, not gonna happen. Can we hurry this up? I've only got five minutes of phone time.
OM: You got any guns? Oh, wait, we don't have a friggin' FFL. Dammit Rick!
[The Old Man takes a hit from his oxygen tank]
Jailbird: The guns are in Evidence anyway. How 'bout my sneaker collection?
OM: Who the hell wants your stinkin' used shoes? Got any cars?
Jailbird: You know I do – Bentley, Rolls, Land Rover, bunch of motorcycles. Why?
OM: You wanna pawn'em or sell'em?
Jailbird: Wait! What?
OM: You heard me, you idiot! Do you wanna sell'em or pawn'em?
Jailbird: No! Not my cars or bikes! You must be high, Old Man!
[Automated voice says, “You have one minute left.”]
OM: What the hell was that?
Jailbird: C'mon Old Man put Rick on the phone. Please!
OM: Where the hell are you? You out screwin' around with that lazy grandson of mine? Get your lazy @sses back to work! And when you two do get ready to come back, bring me some wings – double order.
[Your time has expired. Please hang up.] [Dial tone]
Jailbird: FML.
👍👏😁
shareRick: Chum I really don't know a lot about bail and how much I can get for you once you're released. Let me call in an expert and see what he has to say. If he tells me you're not a worthless piece of *beep* then maybe we can make a deal.
shareGreat thread!
Down at the jail:
Rick: Chum, I've brought in Wanda Flutesnoot. She's the top human resources director in Las Vegas. She's going to tell me what you're worth.
Chomondeley (picks up the jail phone): Hi, Wanda. I'm a reality TV star and a pawnbroker understudy.
Wanda: Rick, this model has seen his better days. Possibly with a little reconditioning he could be worth something.
Rick: Thanks Wanda. According to some people, Chumlee's been "framed". His lawyer may use that defense. You know I always re-frame stuff that comes into the shop. Part of doing business. That means me, my wanna be biker son, or old man will have to perjure ourselves at the trial and claim he was framed. I don't see anyway to make money on this deal.
shareChumlee: Come on, Rick, let me back on the TV show.
Rick: No. You were found with guns, and you were found with drugs.
Chumlee: Come on, Rick
Rick: You made the network look bad. Go back to working the night shift. Most likely, the show will improve without you.
Old Man: Rick, have you fired that jackass yet?
My people skills are fine. It's my tolerance of morons that needs work.