1. Asian assassins don't know how to kill people with guns or grenades.
2. Karaoke is a great way to blow off some steam if you have five months to live.
3. Presidents can make their pregnant mistresses disappear for a mere $250k.
4. Two Asian assassins are no match for one lesbian with a bag of groceries.
5. If you are a lesbian on your first date, feel free to snoop through her apartment. However, don't dare look up your date's profile on the web, or she will dump your crazy ass.
6. If your fifth grade teacher tells you someday you will either end up dead, or in prison, don't worry. There's still time, my friend -- still time.
13. L.A. is full of British and Irish actors with fake American accents, and the bad guys on the show are obviously the ones with British and German accents.
18. When you use the magic thread to surgically close a gunshot wound to the abdomen, there won't be a scare visible later during a sonogram.
19. If you go to a death club meeting, bring at least a couple friends because only 1 of you will have to pull the trigger of the revolver in order to get in.
20. When confronting people in the street, challenge them from a distance by shouting at them rather than getting close first before they suspect you are "FBI !!!!" .. so a foot chase will follow.
21. If you create a website asking the public to fill in information and let them search it also, you'll will create consequences considered unintended by people who don't understand what a website is.
22. Freewill (and gravity) kicks fate's ass, every time.
23. Remembering the cinnamon rolls from that place s/he likes won't be enough to get you out of the dog house after forgetting an appointment if your partner is hotter than wide.
24. You can fit 18 years of satellite photos onto a single thumbdrive, as long as they are stolen by a hacker with a quirky nickname.
25. Even people who don't yet work for the Department of Water and Power have free run of the facility, including employee locker room; without creating a security concern of any kind.
26. "Print is dead."
27. Dying birds can be made to lower their little bird feet on cue, for the camera.
28. If you're a skinny asian FBI agent, 12 seconds is the proper interval to "check your look in the mirror" when preparing to leave your insanely beatiful home for the evening (even in a t-shirt and jeans).
29. Selecting an attractive lawyer to get engaged to, no matter how educated she is, won't prevent from having to jointly proof invitations AT the printers, especially if she can take you in a fight.
30. One of the most beatiful women on the planet can deliver the line, "I'm not looking for glamour", but not with a straight face.
31. If you tackle a guy with a gun, throwing him to his back, straddle him and yell "Turn around", he'll do it, without hesitation, and without laughing at you.
32. The guy who loads the single, commemorative bullet into the revolver, knows what chamber it is in, so the floor doesn't get messier every 6th person.
34. There's no such thing as "fate". There's only "Blue Hand Death Club" and the "Jump Off A Room Club".
35. Irish Beard Man's daughter is a demon. Really. Trust me.
36. If you thought only Russians are called Demetri, then you're obviously an idiot.
37. TV shows are growing up. You can have a Korean guy walk into a room with two dead Chinese guys in it, and have no-one say anything along the lines of "They all look the same..." (at least until you go to the IMDB board of said TV show...)
38. No-vision blue hand veteran ghosts will flagrantly break Los Angeles county Indoor Smoking Ban laws without fear of consequences... after all, they are ghosts, man!
39. Every cliche, slang, acronym, or phrase that a hollywood type could ever imagine to have been uttered at any point in time by any one person in the past 230 plus years of our military's existence must be used in a 30 second chase scene that poorly resembles a bad episode of Roscoe P. Coltrane chasing the Duke boys and defies all common sense, tactics, techniques, and standard operating procedure for contact with an enemy.
I don't think it's possible to get tired of 33. As for 35 the fact she was a demon was not news, the fact she had ulterior motives to set Lucifer free was news... actually not really.
41. When the FBI puts up a site like Mosaic no one will troll it and each post will be taken as fact with no one posting 'pics or it didn't happen'
19. If you go to a death club meeting, bring at least a couple friends because only 1 of you will have to pull the trigger of the revolver in order to get in.
41. When the FBI puts up a site like Mosaic no one will troll it and each post will be taken as fact with no one posting 'pics or it didn't happen'
These are classic.
59. If the daughter everyone told you was dead comes back home, it's okay to tell your AA friend -- but don't tell her mom she is still alive.
This person doesn't understand being divorced
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#44. when the FBI puts up a site like mosaic, FBI agents will be surprised that people from "Blue Hand Death Clubs" get their "People who are going to die" lists from that same mosaic website.
that is hands on the stupidist thing that happened on the last show.
#44. when the FBI puts up a site like mosaic, FBI agents will be surprised that people from "Blue Hand Death Clubs" get their "People who are going to die" lists from that same mosaic website.
Corollary: An online list, even as short as 44 items, will have some dups ;-)
21. If you create a website asking the public to fill in information and let them search it also, you'll will create consequences considered unintended by people who don't understand what a website is.
50. After having a Flashforward people'll be honest about what's in it. Unless it's to leave out parts of it. Even to the point of giving their real name and, flashforward to some website that's searchable by anyone. Either that or, the FBI expects people to act that way... and, not tottally just spam the place up with "I'm Darth Vader and, I saw a flashforward that I was gonna kill the Emperor! Sweet dude!!!" stuff....
51. If you make enough bull crap, you can be become a u.s citizen again, even though you're an incarcerated nazi...
52. Crows are weak.
53. If you're an autistic boy wanting to go for at late night busdrive, there's hope. There will propably be a psycho gangbanger who will help you against an irritating busdriver...
57. FBI has a lot of talented web-developers since it takes a mere day or 2 to put a side like Mosaic online and it's inevitably cheaper than a trip to Somalia. 58. FBI has an outstanding software for analysis of free text since it's able to link hundreds of thousands of stories thanks to the Mosaic site. The prime example for the working software is finding the mistress of the US president who is honest and shares her location as well.
59. If the daughter everyone told you was dead comes back home, it's okay to tell your AA friend -- but don't tell her mom she is still alive.
60. If you write a note to Celia before you kill yourself even though you don't know her last name, or where she lives - the US Post office will be happy to deliver it for you.
61. Cell phone video cameras have gotten a lot better, they can now capture forearm tattoos at night from 50 feet away.
68. Possibly pregnant FBI agents get sonograms at 10 pm 69. When you finally get a somewhat detailed picture of a suspect you instinctively look at his hand to see if he's wearing a ring instead of looking at his face
Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
73 If you want to stage a global blackout, make sure you get a hotdog before it happens, b/c those lines at the stadium can make you lose your religion.
74. When someone is drowning in urine, mouth to mouth is the only solution. 75. Joseph Fiennes is desperate to create his own MarkFace legacy to match the legend that is JackFace. 76. If a TV show tries too hard to be like another TV show, it will invariably fail. 77. You can get away with missing the first three quarters of the episode due to the final 'twist' and the constant flashing back which I assume is designed in case Leonard from Memento is watching. 78. America also gave the world Britney Spears. 79. Asking a fellow martial arts student if they want to go see a movie is "douche" behaviour. Being an utter *beep* isn't though, apparently
92. We can feel completely superior to the Japanese because we wouldn't hire a brilliant number-one-in-her class female scientist and force her to serve tea.