A Few Major Issues

1) On the latest episode of Burger King Kids Club: The College Years, our diverse yet unlikely blah cast of college “friends” stumbles into a new high concept horror story… This week it’s killer tarot cards!

2) This movie would be a million times better if all they did was axe the CGI. It was utter shit. It would have been infinitely spookier having real people dressed up as those creepy cards. Nobody is scared of CGI. Especially when it looks like those early computer jump scares when a demon face suddenly pops up on your screen. This shit was laughably bad.

3) Half the performances were weak as hell. Acting, directing, combo of the two? Inexperience? The boyfriend in particular sucked ASS which was especially obvious because the girlfriend was actually great. The Indian girl was pretty good, too. And the British broad. The fat guy from Spidey just played the same character which is tiresome but at least it’s a character.

4) I wish all horror directors would understand one simple thing that could improve their dog shit films by 10%. Make your characters less stupid. They don’t have to be smart, just less stupid! It adds so much to the movie if the character is fighting death as opposed to just giving off vibes that say “the script says it’s my time to die so I’ll just try to move this along.”

5) I guarantee the original script or novel had at least a semblance of genius loci. Not this generic crap. Like, this was set in Boston??? (Why would they go all the way to the Catskills for a few days when New England has plenty of nicer places much closer?) Hikarious that they didn’t even bother changing the names from mostly Irish when they decided to turn on the Make This Generic & Lame switch.

I feel bad for the author of the book. If Blumhouse could fix the above, 99% of their output wouldn’t be disposable forgettable crap.