For me it was those you mentioned and Becks81:
1) When Paddy turns up at Brendan's home in an attempt to reconcile with his son and see his grandchildren. I felt so much for him and thought how could Brendan be so uncharitable towards his own father no less. But, what I found was even worse was that his grandchildren didn't even know who he was
2) Then when both brothers encounter each other on the beach and as you noted Tommy remarks, "And who are you exactly?" I felt angry at this exchange as I thought your own brother wants to reconcile with you and Tommy's acting like he's a total stranger. In one way, it was poetic justice since Brendan was only being repaid in kind as he paid out to his own father earlier. But, it also affected me as I thought of an experience when my sister and I went to the funeral of my father's sister who he had reconciled with prior to her death. We saw his other sister, who he still remained estranged with. And my sister and I went to greet her and our uncle (even though I hadn't seen them for over three decades) and my sister informed her who she was and our aunt's response was to exclaim similarly to Tommy, "I don't know you. I don't know who you are." This upset me on the inside as I felt, "Oh come on! She's your niece. What does she have to do with the immature quarrel you're having with her father?!"
3) And then when Tommy throws the coins in his father's face at the pokies was another scene that got me emotional. I thought again, "WTH?! Tommy just let it go! Your father's trying his best to make amends. And you're dredging up the past as if he's still the same man that he was back then when he's changed and is trying to change for the better!" And then Tommy throws the change at him, which I found totally disrespectful
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