Gonzo could have saved them all
If Gonzo is the "richest plumbing magnate in the Rust Belt", couldn't he have donated the $10 million to save the theater? Or Piggy, the editor of a major publication, could certainly have ponied up some dough. Hell, even Scooter works for Google, who are known for donating to philanthropic causes.
Alls I'm saying is that the telethon was unnecessary.