Jack Torrance meets Jack Byrnes and walks into a Bunker, the barman asks..
John Goodman's character was like a cross between Meet the Parents and "Here's Johnny" Even the "bunker" décor would have done the Overlook Hotel proud. When he walked over to the dukebox to put music on I was half expecting "Midnight the Stars and You" Jack Byrnes and Jack Torrance take a bow. All that was missing was the Collins Mix.
On the subject of the "bunker" after going to all that trouble of building a concrete structure underneath his country home, he then decided to have a doorway entrance, with a window, and a door matt, at ground level? Oh like no invading force is going to find that entrance. Call me old fashioned but I would have thought that one of the perquisites of building a concrete nuclear "bunker" would be to have the entrance concealed.
On the subject of the invading "force" well that really just takes the biscuit. In fact it drew the vocal line that best sums up this movie as a whole "oh come on" Yes, that is the line she used when she spotted the "Flying Saucer" apt don't you think?
Whilst we are on the subject of terrible science fiction stereotypes; what is with the "alien slug creatures" ? So they haven't evolved physically beyond their origins form the movie "Tremors" but in the meantime they have managed to invent space flight technology? Um, realistic eh? Not to mention their grasp of chemical weapons warfare, which have a lovely tint of green for added effect.
Oh, and whilst on the subject of tacky Hollywood cartoon chemical weapons; somehow the lead manages to construct an NBC suit from household (bunker) items, and survive the attack? That's how we defeat the alien slug creatures, with paper, glue, and plastic bottles? Why are we even bothering to fund NASA and the Military? Walmart already has it covered. If that fails you can just make a petrol bomb and that will see off those pesky alien invaders. Will Smith needed space flight to defeat the aliens, but not this gal.
I can't sign off without mentioning the NBC suit. She managed to hide the construction of this attire from the Jack Byrnes/Jack Torrance hybrid for most of the movie, despite her sidekick being shot in the face and dissolved in acid for being caught with a pair of paper scissors and some glue? Canny.
In particular, I found the scene where they all stand over the open container of Perchloric toxic acid without wearing breathing masks, the most realistic.
On a final cliffhanger note, what's with the "Help Me" sign? Why does the existence of that sign automatically allow our lead to draw the conclusion that murder most horrid was in the mist? How about this; the crazy woman who was last seen bashing her bloodied melon head against "Jacks" ground level bunker door window, might have just found "Jacks" second, and most pointless bunker window, and written "Help Me" on it, the wrong way around, because she was trying to avoid the alien slugs green chemical mist!? Nothing like installing a bunker VELUX window for the air conditioning duct eh Jack? Never know when you might want a peek outside.
Oh no, lets just assume that the "Help Me" sign was written by the dead missing girl, who's body was never found, but who's DNA evidence was written all over the VELUX window of a secret underground nuclear "bunker" that can be seen at ground level. Yeah, the cops would be sure to miss that one when investigating the girls disappearance. Not to mention Jack missing the sign, because he killed her right? So wouldn't he have know about the sign, or at least spotted it when cleaning his window or feeding his pigs? Considering that the window was at ground level? No, he missed that, despite having the foresight of a nuclear alien attack and building a bunker as a precaution.
This movie is garbage. I wasted two hours watching this dross and for me it has to be a spoof send up. This movie can't be for real. It's a parody at best. Somebody is a having a laugh.
I'm watching you Focker. I'd give my goddamned soul for just a glass of beer.
TheCaretaker