Favorite Quote

i thought it was hilarious when he brought elisabeth shue in to talk to his class and no one has questions for her, and he said something like, "im usually a pretty cool guy.." and then gets hit in the head with the volleyball and starts cussing and sais, "can we not share this place in peice!" haha that was hilarious! and then when Octavio asks her who she is and Dana freaked out and was like, "Could you at least have googled her? You know Dreamer, with the fvcking horse?" hahaha! and the cat scene was also funny!

I also loved all the roller skating scenes! When he would fall down in the middle of an intersection and when he was drunk and ran into the car!

This whole movie was sooo funny though!

"Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gang-bang"

"Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand" Luke - Cool Hand Luke

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..."toasters is street for guns???...what a colourful expression!!"

What about the end when that guy is complimenting Dana on his play, and says, "i really liked when hamlet forgave his father," or something like that, and Dana has this hilarious nervous grin on his face, and he goes, "What about when... I forgave... MY father?" and there's just this awkward silence and then they cut the scene. oh, i was on the floor for that one!

I also loved the rain gutters line too.
Also when he yelled at the principal and his cat.

What, no love for Vitamin J?

"It's the celestial message, THE PORTAL TO INFINITY IS wiiiiide open."

"This is just the first shot across the bow. Like in 'Master and Commander', starring that Aussie bad boy, Russell Crowe."

Angry parent: You don't control our children.
Dana: You don't control them either.

Or something like that. As others have said in this thread, it isn't the line so much as the way he said it. So funny . . . and so true.