have you ever been Leonard?

Hmm. Great comments guys. I think we are all Leonard at some point in our lives.

"Are guys like me and Leonard just settling for a safe life because we can't bear being hurt again?"

Very well said, right on the spot, in my opinion!

I am a female (kind of) Leonard, although from a different (not loving) family background. I did settle in the age of 37 when I found my (kind of) Sandra, and I married him. I left Germany and moved to the USA with him, and we are still together (now in our 10th year).

Those of you who think that love must be always bubbling and exciting and romantic etc, you are just being fooled by Hollywood's dream machine. 'Real Life' is not like that. If you keep waiting for that amazing love dream, watch out that you are not getting too old over that, while waiting.

Those who marry young and full of bubbly romantic expectations (fed by Hollywood movies??) will often wake up to reality and file for divorce.

Just happening right now in my american in-law family. Everything was so perfect: young couple marrying for love, both americans, she even converting to his version of christianity, having 2 lovely healthy children, home owners, everything seems so right - and then she has an affair and files for divorce, even twice in 3 years.

Nobody saw that coming. Everybody thought it would be me and their other son who would fail - different culture, completely different faith (not even christian, let alone catholic, and I would have NEVER converted), and not as young as typical first marriage people.

But just because I settled (sobered from all the romantic crap I was betrayed by for 37 years), just because of that fact I believe it does work. A settled relationship is more stable, because you are in it with your head. The choice of partner was made reasonably, with reason, not with a love-drunken foolish mind. That is stable, and that works.

"But the romance..." I hear you cry. Well, the romance is straining too much, and after leaping off for romance all my life, I just couldn't handle it anymore. It hurts just too much.

Because all romance will eventually turn into something else, and most of the times it is a hurtfull awakening. Because expecations are usually way too high. You want everything from your romantic super love (just like Hollywood taught you!!!???), and eventually you are taught that real life is not following Hollywod's fake rules.

It was sad to see a character give up what is best for him for another. No one should ever do that. Love is fleeting, always keep your eye on what is best for you. Love is something you can find when you are fine with yourself. Just sayin.

I discovered James Gray when I was quite young. Little Odessa was my mother's favorite movie and I've watched the James Gray films many times, except for Two Lovers that I didn't see on purpose because of my situation at the time: having "two lovers".
I've always found a personal link with the Gray films and my own personal life. Long story short:

I've hated my father for many many years. (Little Odessa)

I've lived alone with my mother until my 18's and never really had a father figure to identify to(the yard)

I found myself having to choose between a woman and my family. I still regret it nowaday. (We Own the night).
And I made peace with my father telling him that I loved him after a 15th viewing of "We own the night".

When Two Lovers came out, I could't see it. I felt I didn't have the guts to face this film. I knew I would love it, that it would move me but I didn't feel ready to be confronted to my own situation.

I was in love with two women and I lied to them both. I am not proud of that, but it was like in the movie. One was calm, loving, tender, the perfect spouse, we were planning to get engaged. The other was a bit crazy, jumpy, had psychological problems, issues with older ex boyfriends and we found ourleves somehow. Our relationship was very exciting, I felt so alive compared to the stability and serenity I was having with "Sandra". In the impulse, I chose Michelle, we somehow looked like each other in our wild crazyness.

A few months later, I discovered that I made a mistake. I called Sandra and spent the evening with her. Talking about life and stuff. I was full of guilt, wanted to tell her the whole truth, but I lacked the courage. We were like family to each other. We were at her place, had dinner and she offered me to watch a movie. Guess which movie it was... So we watched it. I was dead silent. Couldn't believe that, once again, James Gray was touching in the right spot. She finally left before the end of the film. I finished it alone. I took a bottle of rhum and drunk it all like an animal. I spent the whole night crying all the tears of my body. I have never cried like this in my whole life. Never. The next morning, she woke up and I told her EVERYTHING. I got kicked out (deserved, of course). Now I'm living with Michelle. I has been three years butwe're both very much self destructive. I guess I should have seen this movie when it came out.