Tips For Achieving Your Track Star Dreams From Bereavement:

First, before you even waste any time daydreaming about track stardom, make sure you have ginormous breasts. Everyone knows that's crucial. Like in ballet.

Next, move to a tiny hick town, because with miles of country roads & little sports funding, EVERY hick town highschool in the nation has a freaking track team.

Oh, wait, you've moved to the ONE small town that doesn't have a track team?!?!

Ok, then, just keep running around obsessively because there's absolutely jack else to do there (except make out awkwardly in cars & evade inbred serial killers.)

The required uniform for this new regimen consists of a paper-thin white camisole with stretched-out straps & NO BRA. You should expect to give yourself a few black eyes, but that's the price of...whatever it is you think you're accomplishing.

Also, wearing headphones & running WITH the flow of traffic is always helpful. Especially when there's a big rig driven by a legally blind trucker charging by every five seconds, to leave in its dusty wake, looking like you've never seen a truck in your entire life.

Thanks Bereavement!!!